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This is the archive for June 2007


In my honest to God opinion, you can't top the NBA Draft for high drama.
Seriously people, you can't. I mean, if you're a first round pick, you're in like Flint. Period, no questions asked. However, if you hear your name called after David Stern leaves that podium for the better ball your ass off because nothing's given to you son.

Honestly, I like it a lot better than sitting through two days worth of picks and then banking on the 'I was watching when such and such got picked, then blew up like Chernobyl aka The Brady Quinn Factor'. I mean, my personal belief when reading most 'grades' and such is that folks grade on first round talent alone because they don't believe the second round picks will amount to anything in the grand scheme. Go on and tell that to Carlos Boozer, who really didn't go nuclear until this past season for the Jazz acting like he was Karl Malone on crack. Tell that to the Live 08 cover guy, Gilbert Arenas who's probably one nuclear scoring year away from winning the MVP award...eventually. I'm not throwing Daniel Gibson into this discussion because until you make some type of relevant regular season contribution like these two, you get nothing for doing nothing. Anyway, I watched this stuff unfold last night and there were a few things I'm gonna go off on right now.

the ultimate junk ball pitch

Dice-K has the gyroball. Orlando Hernandez and Casey Fossum throw the Eephus pitch. So which picther is going to be the first one to learn the pitch in this video? - Watch more free videos

Toothless Stupidity, Ignorance, Take Your Pick.

I'm gonna take the flat out, realistic viewpoint of this, because at the rate stuff's being discovered...they'll have found Tupac's murderer before they get to the bottom of what REALLY happened in the Benoit house over the weekend.

I told someone yesterday that it's rather ironic that someone who made their professional living making others tap out, ended his own life and in a rather odd way of looking at it, tapped out himself because life had him in a no escape situation. I'm not God, don't play one on TV, but I know enough to know that God doesn't look too highly upon people who take their own lives. It's basically a slap in His face and it's like saying to God Almighty, 'yeah, I know you sacrificed your only son for me to live on this planet, but I don't care because life's dealt me a crappy hand and I can't deal with it anymore'. I read last night while at work that there was some back and forth stuff over the care of his now deceased son and the recommendation that Benoit stay at home more to oversee it or something along those lines. Apparently, Chris didn't dig that idea too much and as a result, killed Nancy for suggesting it and then his son for being the reason said suggestion was made. Then, not willing to deal with the consequences of his heinous actions, took his own life so he could be remembered by the wrestling public as a tragic figure rather than the murdering piece of crap he really is.

A 'Real' Shocker

Real Madrid have sacked their manager. Again. It's beginning to seem like a yearly tradition for the Spanish champions (yes, they won the league).

So what did Fabio Capello do to deserve the boot? Well, he failed to win the Champions League, even though last season they didn't win anything. That said, if he had brought the Champions League title to the club, as well as the Spanish title, he probably wouldn't be going.

Rumour has it, Capello may have been dismissed due to the David Beckham debacle. Allegedly, Madrid's board are angry at losing Beckham, as well as the many millions of Euros which he probably earns for the club, through shirt sales and sponsorship deals.

It all just seems like a knife in the back, for a man who brought them their first league title since 2003. However, I might send my CV in, anyway. You never know...

Benoit news trickles in.

More Benoit coverage, and more of the promised bizarre details concerning the murder/suicide of the professional wrestling champion, his wife, and 7-year-old son. This is starting to get really interesting.

There were steroids found in the home, but the steroids appear to have not been for Benoit’s use. Instead, the steroids were apparently for use by his son, whom District Attorney Scott Ballard describes as having needle marks on his arms and as being “very small, even dwarfed.” Steroids and HGH are commonly used to treat dwarfism.

Benoit passed his most recent employer mandated drug test, given on April 10th, and never failed a test while with the company, unlike several other top talents.

Benoit was in the house for over a day with the bodies before taking his own life, which does not suggest a steroid fueled rage. Preliminary autopsy results suggest Nancy Benoit was killed Friday, and Daniel Benoit was killed Saturday or early Sunday morning.

While no history of domestic violence was noted, in their May 2003 divorce filing, Nancy alleged “cruel treatment” and the usual irreconcilable differences. The filing and a request for a restraining order were later withdrawn. There is no evidence to back up the claims in the divorce paperwork (people will say anything in a divorce proceeding to boost their chances at getting whatever it is they want, regardless of truth).

Toxicology results may not be known for several weeks, but I’m interested to see the results. This is fascinating, in a train-wreck sense.

When football players go nuts, everyone blames post-concussion syndrome. Why has no one other than myself mentioned that pro wrestlers suffer more concussions more often than any football player, because pro wrestlers fall on their heads constantly, accidentally get kicked and punched in the skull, and generally take more abuse more often than your average offensive lineman? Wrestlers don't have an off-season and until they make it big, only get paid when they work.

The defamation of Chris Benoit?

Unfortunately, the circumstances surrounding the Chris Benoit incident are exactly what I feared they would be: Benoit killed his wife, son, and then himself, or so the AP would have us believe. Sad circumstances and condolences all around.

Then, of course, the second paragraph is about steroids. Immediately, some genius at the AP rushes to blame the tragedy on steroids.

Steroids are never linked to Pacman Jones, Chris Henry, Tank Johnson, or any other unnaturally large athlete who does something stupid and criminal. Steroids were never mentioned when OJ killed his wife. Or Rae Carruth shooting his pregnant girlfriend. Or the rash of NFL football players going psycho and killing themselves and others (nope, that’s concussions, and professional wrestlers, who land on their head for a living, NEVER get concussions). Albert Belle trying to run trick-or-treaters down with his car and stalking his ex-girlfriend? Not steroids, either.

Why are steroids the first thing mentioned when a normal sized person who happens to be professional wrestler (5’11, 220… smaller than me, so I must be on steroids! Put down the juice, Rich, or you’ll kill and eat your whole family!) commits a horrible act? Steroids are not related to this issue at all, and it’s an unnecessary shot at a dead man to even postulate that theory, considering the WWE has random drug tests in place (before baseball, even).

Chris Benoit never failed a drug test in his career and toxicology results haven’t been released. Can’t crazy just be crazy? Because steroids caused Andrea Yates to kill her family, right? If toxicology reports come back and reveal Benoit had more drugs in his than Barry Bonds, I’ll eat my words.

Until then, it’s baseless speculation.

God Rest Chris Benoit

I'm literally speechless. I haven't paid attention to the WWE for a while. I've been watching TNA and been loving every minute of it. I just thought that everything would be fine in WWEland for a long time even with this stupid current story of "Who Killed Mr. McMahon?" I log on to the net and I find that one of the wrestlers that I've respected the Hell out of has been found dead. Chris Benoit and his family were found dead in their home in Fayette County, GA. The cause is unknown. Words cannot express the sadness I feel over the loss of this great man. I guess the only good point in his passing is that now Owen has a wrestling partner. God Bless and Rest in Peace Chris. You'll will be deeply, deeply missed....

George Foreman is not impressed

Someone needs to punch the mother of newborn baby Autumn Sullivan Corbett Fitzsimmons Jeffries Hart Burns Johnson Willard Dempsey Tunney Schmeling Sharkey Carnera Baer Braddock Louis Charles Walcott Marciano Patterson Johansson Liston Clay Frazier Foreman Brown in the uterus. Twice. Possibly Ricky Hatton, considering the way he folded Jose Luis Castillo up like an accordion with a body hook on Saturday night.

I’m a big boxing fan, but come on. I know it’s just her middle name, and lots of kids get two stupid middle names instead of one these days, but 25 middle names? Roger Clemens and the K clan are not amused.

Au revoir Henry

So Thierry Henry has finally left Arsenal. I heard some radio phone in the other day, and a rather annoyed Arsenal fan sent in a text message saying he hoped Henry failed at his new club, Barcelona. For his sake, I hope he finds a brain soon.

Henry has been a fantastic servant to the club since he joined 1999. Without him, it seems unlikely they would have achieved what they did. However, after Patrick Vierra departed, and they lost the Champions League final, things have rapidly gone downhill for Arsenal. There was a good deal of talk about Henry leaving last season, but he stayed. In all honesty, it was probably a wasted year for him. Like any sportsman, he wants to win things. The way things are going, that's probably not going to happen at Arsenal.

Still, the fans should thank him for his service, wish him luck and think about finding a replacement. With a pretty generous £16 million from his transfer, they should be able to get someone. Arsene Wenger has proven many times in the past, that he has a keen eye for emerging talent. After all, he was the one who brought in Henry in the first place.

In case you missed this on ESPN

Witness the future:

Roger Clemens 2057

Roc-KET! Roc-KET! Roc-KET!

Slammin' Sammy helps rape history

Sammy Sosa joined the elite company of Aaron, Ruth, Mays, and, uh… Bonds as one of only five players in major league history to hit 600 home runs. No matter what you might think about Sosa’s propensity to strike out constantly, his Bonds caliber inability to play the outfield, and his convenient disappearing English abilities, hitting 600 home runs is impressive.

Considering this is something to celebrate, Sosa could speak English at his post game press conference. Among those he thanked were Winstrol, Deca-Durabolin, Victor Conte, Turinabol, Dianabol, Rafael Palmeiro, the Cork Oak, Superball, Chico Escuela, and of course Blaster the Autobot.

The Money Game

We've all been there before. It's Christmas time, and you need to buy a gift for your multi-millionaire pal. But what do get a man that already has it all? A yacht? No, he's got two of those already. A house? Well, including his cottage in the country, he already has five properties to his name.

Okay, it's not really that common a problem, but if you do ever find yourself in this situation, I've got a fair idea what you could buy - a soccer club. Yes, it seems no super-rich man about town can go without one at the moment. Newcastle is currently being taken over by Mike Ashley, Daniel Williams is in talks with Blackburn, and newly-promoted Birmingham has apparently been attracting the attention of Lakshmi Mittal.

I'm not sure what this means for the game in general though. On the surface, more investment in soccer would appear to be a good thing. However, with players already getting paid more in a week than I could get by selling every one of my internal organs on eBay, it could also encourage the mercenary ways which many of them exhibit. This week's news that three Premiership players have been accused of faking details to cover up speeding offenses shows many of them irresponsible and dangerous. Giving them more money, and therefore more power, is surely unwise.

Anyway, my own plans to buy a football club have been scuppered by my total lack of funds. A quick scan of my bank statements suggests I can just about afford one of Michael Owen's boots, provided I give up the luxury of food for a month. Oh well...

Talk about your consolation prize

Apparently Elin Woods felt the need to give her husband something to take his mind off coming in second at the Open, because she took a page out of Mrs. Phil Mickelson's playbook and delivered a baby girl less than a day after the final. Sam Alexis Woods and her mom are both doing just fine, according to Tiger's site.

We at SB send our heartiest congratulations to the Woods family on the new addition.

We will also be taking bets as to how soon the sleep deprivation will start affecting Tiger's game.

London Calling

It seems that Dana White has fallen in love with merry ol' England. Why do I say this? Well, it's been confirmed that UFC 75 is to be held in London, England. This is the 3rd show to be held outside of the US in as many months and this one should be a rockin' shindig.

Why's that? Well, let's see. You have the return of Mirko "Cro-Cop" after the embarrassment he suffered at the hands of Gabe Gonzaga. He's plenty pissed off about that and looking to kick the head off of someone. You also got fan-fave Michael Bisping in a light-heavyweight fight. Oh yeah, you also have Quinton Jackson vs. Dan Henderson.

That's right, jokers. Champion vs. Champion. It's every fight fan's wet dream come to life. We'll know who's the best in the 205 lb division in the world. My God, I think I'm going to faint.

The "Evil Empire" expands into the Evil Empire

The Yankees have become the first MLB team to sign players from China. Two 19-year-old Chinese players--left-handed pitcher Kai Liu and catcher Zhenwang Zhang--have been signed to minor-league contracts with approval from the Chinese Baseball Association.

Insert "Made in China" cheap labor joke here. Expect Red Sox Nation to immediately switch to Thai food and Korean dry cleaning.

Remember The Magic.

That's what needs to be ringing through the Cavs' heads right now. Not
'Remember the Alamo' or 'Remember the Frenchie' or even 'Remember Eva', Remember The Magic. Allow me to explain...

About 12 years ago, the last time before 2002 a team got swept, there was a fairly young and inexperienced team with a really great young stud that made its Finals debut. Much like the Cavs, they ran into a team from Texas that was hungry, battled its way back to the Grand Stage ready to make its mark on the world. The Magic had Game 1 in the palm of their hands and because Nick Anderson couldn't make a single free throw, they blew the game and never recovered. The Magic were swept away and by the time they could look up, the team they dispatched of so effortlessly to get there, the Bulls...were back. Jordan and company took Orlando out in short order the following year, Shaq and Penny never got back to the Finals. Matter of fact, the year after that Finals fileting, Shaq went Hollywood and the rest was history. Orlando hasn't won another postseason series since then. So why do I mention this? Because the similarities between the two teams are flat out a point. The Magic back then were much better than the Cavs. Penny didn't turn into Peso and many believed would be part of the reason Orlando stayed competitive for many years to come. Shaq was Shaq, before he became the Fat Diesel and blah blah blah. Still, a cautionary tale was set in stone for all young teams with that one great star and to this's barely looked back on. Even now, with the Cavs reeling from being dismantled and dissected like a frog in biology, many will feel the need to pencil the Cavs back in to the Finals next season. For what? To get blown out of the water again by whatever heavyweight the West throws at them? Just think about how much worse these games could've been if a team that actually had offense could've been here in San Antonio's place. Either way, the Cavs said all the right things all week. Said they were going for the title, said they were confident that they could beat the Spurs in spite of being down 2-0, then 3-0. But I harkon back to something my Dad always and still tells me to this day.

"You can show me a lot better than you can tell me."

The Cavs told me in no uncertain terms, they won their title and were simply content with having their name appear next to the Spurs. I have no respect for anyone or thing that's merely content with finishing second. I won't do this often, if at all, but I agree with Isiah who said a few years back...

"Winning is the only thing I respect."

For a bonafide loser through and through as a coach and executive dumbass, that's just flat out profound. And let's look at these moves for the Cavs shall we and see exactly why they WON'T be back next season.

Bodog Fight invites Prez White

Dana White, the president of the UFC, has always spoken his mind. And I respect that. I really do. There isn't a show on Spike TV when he's not bleeped more than 50 bazillion times. More recently, the former boxing gym owner has called out Bodog Fight founder Calvin Ayre. White has called him a criminal and likened him to Richard Pryor's character in the movie "Brewster's Millions." You know, the guy who's trying to spend all his money in 48 hours. Well, Ayre is making White an interesting offer. Almost like Eric Bischoff made Vince McMahon back during the Monday Night Wars.

On July 14th, Bodog Fight is putting on its first show on US soil in New Jersey ,and Ayre is offering to pick up Mr. White from where ever he is and fly him via private jet to the show. There, it is said, Mr. White will enjoy all the finest things in life. Champagne... a room in a 5 star hotel... and a front row seat to the Eddie Alvarez/Matt Lee fight. All Dana has to do is RSVP. Now, of course it's not gonna happen; but it's kinda cool to see someone bow up on Dana freakin' White, n'est pas?

Old School Indeed.

Cleveland had no business being in the 2007 Finals. None.

Bill Simmons, I couldn't have put it better myself. This week, I've had to endure with a lot of, let me start this over.

Growing up, there have been two legitimate constants that I have loved almost without fail. Basketball and wrestling. This week, I've seen low points in both that have me flat out loathing both on a grand scale. In wrestling, in the latest attempt to get people talking about it as if necrophilia and old women birthing hands wasn't enough, we got a lame car bomb and a phoney "who killed Vince McMahon" angle.

In basketball, we've got the Cleveland Cavaliers passing themselves off as the best team in the Eastern Conference. So in light of the recent mediocrity that's befallen both, I felt compelled to put thought down on paper while I of all In terms of wrestling, well, I guess it's a lot like basketball in a lot of ways. They're pushing some guy to the moon that the people clearly don't like in John Cena. Almost similar to how they're pushing "Prince" James the same way. Only over the long haul, he'll find that "push" will meet a resounding thud in his quest to win titles. Those aren't handed to you on a silver platter, Prince, you've got to earn those. Still, this Finals series has been brutal in every sense of the word. The last time I saw a mismatch this bad was back in 2002, when the Lakers manhandled the Nets in four rather repugnant games. Not that the Nets didn't deserve to be there, because they did. They were the best team in that conference and I have the Slam Magazine cover with them on the cover to prove it. However, they ran into the best two man act in NBA history in Shaq and Kobe which well... weren't gonna be denied at all. In this case, LeBron's every foible, every weakness is being exploited for the world to see. The Cavs as a team is having their every achilles put on mega blast by the Spurs and simply put, every last word I've said about the Cavs to this point has been validated in full. The Cavs are NOT title worthy. Hell, I'd be hard pressed to simulate the Cavs to this point in NBA Live 07 unless I put a souped up version of myself on the team and that would probably be the ONLY WAY Cleveland's beating these Spurs in a game.

UFC keeps up string of solid shows with FNL

Was it me or did the recent UFC Fight Night Live rule with an iron fist? You had KOs and tapouts galore.

In the KO department, you saw Anthony Johnson lay out Chad Reiner in 13 seconds. 13 SECONDS! It was crazy. And in the same vein of quick KOs, Drew McFedries creamed Jordan Radev in 33 seconds. Both of these guys look great in their stand-up game. Of course they're a loooong way from being the next Chuck Liddell.

And in the tapout area, you saw Thiago Tavares put on a BJJ clinic when he made Jason Black look like a fool with a vicious triangle choke in the 2nd round. If you saw this fight, you know what I'm saying. Tavares is a future Lightweight Champion. Mark my words. Also, Jon Fitch made Roan Carneiro tap with a rear naked choke in round numero 2. Fitch just ran Carneiro down to fumes.

But the fight of the night had to go to the main event of Spencer Fisher vs. Sam Stout. Fisher won handily by landing vicious strikes and pushing the fight. It had to feel good to avenge a loss. Stout was just getting rocked. Kudos to him, though, for not showing how hurt he had to be. Next PPV is June 16th in Belfast, Northern Ireland. Ye must watch it! Franklin vs. Okami! Griffin vs. Rameriez! It will ROCK!!

I'm thinking Okami will stop Franklin. Okami stopped the current UFC Middleweight Champ before and that has to be swimming around in Franklin's mind. Griffin needs a win to still be considered a top contendor in the Light Heavyweight division. At least in my book.

The End Is HERE!!!

So it's officially D-Day for the Cavaliers. All these months of passing themselves off as "title contenders" will all come to an end today, when the Spurs ultimately punch their tickets and keep them home for the duration of the summer. No coronation for Prince James, no end in sight for the never ending suffering of the people of Cleveland. Nada. And ya know what? For a proud Jerseyan like myself, I'm happy.

I take delight in seeing these clowns suffer, especially when they got their jollies at watching the Nets go down in 6. Well, here's the funny thing. Four years ago when the Nets faced the Spurs, at least the Nets took two games from the Spurs before going down in six. The series didn't end in New Jersey, as it's looking like it will in Cleveland tonight. At the end of the day, what everyone wanted wasn't what they got. They wanted to see its bright star on the big stage and they got that.

Unfortunately for Prince James and company, the league's best were waiting and they weren't exactly awe inspired by what they saw. In the end, I'm sure the spin machine will be working overload justifying how the Cavs deserved better. How they deserved a fair shake and here's what I say to that.

"Two tears in a bucket..." Y'all know the rest.

The Spurs were the better team. Period. They had the better team and while a really good player can get you to the Finals, history shows really good players don't beat great teams. The Spurs are a GREAT TEAM. Take Game 3 as a prime example, when the Texas Three Step was a little offbeat, Brent Barry, Michael Finley and even Bruce Bowen stepped up to ensure the Spurs are one win away from celebrating their fourth title in nine years. Oh and the comparison to the C's is more than justifiable, Jade. Look at their history and while they didn't go back to back over the nine year stretch, they were either punched out by the Mavs (fluke last year, thanks Ginobili) or the Lakers who were the be all end all until Kobe decided to end it all. Guess hoisting that gold trophy got a little tedious after three straight years and he wanted some time to enjoy life on the mediocre side of the tracks for a change.

As for the Mavs, well, they're clear cut proof that just cause folks want to see you get there doesn't make you a guarantee that you will win when you get there. So yeah, the Spurs aren't flashy. Tim Duncan's about as exciting as Martha Stewart before she went to jail, despite the little known fact that he was the cover guy for NBA Live 2001 for EA Sports. Tony Parker's marrying Eva Longoria next month and he'll have to make room for ring number three on top of his wedding band.

Pops will work his team into very ELITE company. One of only three teams that will be able to say they have four or more titles. The Bulls, Celtics and Lakers are all presiding in the Platinum Penthouse as it were with four or more titles. The Pistons are sitting on three, but I think there's a greater chance of hell freezing solid before Flip Saunders gets them to four.

Oh and on a side note, Joe D keeping Flip while McHale had enough sense to fire him after nonachieving with the Timberwolves is rapidly lowering his GM IQ to Isiah-esque levels of ineptitude. I mean, he went from Carlisle to Brown to Saunders. So he essentially took his franchise from 'knocking on the door repeatedly' to 'kicking the door in' to 'incapable of getting back in even when the door's left ajar for easy access'. To put it into shifting gears terminology, they went from second gear to Carlisle to fourth and fifth with Brown to going in reverse and throwing the clutch out of whack with Flip.

Anyway, Pops is on the verge of entering an elite fraternity of coaches with the likes of Red Auerbach (who would have to respect what Pops has done and how he's done it in San Antonio), Phil Jackson aka Big Chief Triangle and Riles as the only coaches to have more than three rings.

As for Mike Brown, well, I guess there's always next year right? And oh, as for building a franchise along the lines of the Spurs' blueprint? Step 1 is not wasting your money on bums like Larry Hughes. He's spending more time on the pine than he is on the floor. And to think, this is what the Cavs and Danny Ferry were banking on to help LeBron get to the "promised land". They're getting more meaningful contributions from Boobie and Sasha whose combined salaries probably don't even add up to HALF of what Larry's total contract is worth.

Either way you slice it, this series was over when LeBron got that silver trophy from Bill Russell. Hell, I think even Bill was probably thinking that the second he handed LeBron that trophy. It's like he and everyone else were laughing at the Cavs only the Cavs didn't get the joke until now. Thanks for coming Cleveland. And thanks for giving me the single funniest Finals series I've seen in a long, long time.

Prison Blues vs Orange Jumpsuits: Tuesday Night's All Right For Fighting

While the legal troubles for Odell Thurman passed (his charges were dropped three days after they were pressed), no doubt the Bengals organization thought they were okay. Surely the team had learned their lesson, right? Nobody would do anything that stupid again, especially not veteran troublemakers.

Commissioner Roger “B. Goode” Goodell has stated that if Chris Henry gets into any more trouble, that he’ll be banished for life. Here’s hoping Chris learned a lot at the West Fuckin’ Virginia University, because he might be cruising for the permanent banhammer thanks to an incident in which he (along with fellow Bengal/prisoner Reggie McNeal) and another man supposedly hopped out of an Escalade and put the beat down on a 16-year-old boy and his 18-year-old friend.

For the record, Chris, you probably ought to not beat up or hump anybody under the age of 18. You might like ‘em young, but you’re getting a bit of an R. Kelly reputation, and nobody wants that. If this pans out and becomes an official accusation, Keyshawn Johnson might be receiving an offer to be the Bengals' new third wideout.

He tugged down the curtain

The risk takers who bet that Jr would dress up and even shave for today's press conference would have won a large sum of money. But no one actually bothered to vote.

Dale did as we all expected and announced that "his new boss is Rick Hendrick." And Rick did as we all expected and announced that June-Bug would be replacing Kyle Busch in the stables at Hendrick Motorsports. Now, Junior's so called "red army" should apparently be all up in arms over the fact that Junior will now be teammates with one of their most hated drivers -- Jeff Gordon. Will this sway the fans when Junior starts to work with Jeff? When they help each other out in drafting? Maybe. Or perhaps bloggers and press alike might be making mountains out of mole hills. I think they'll adjust, because stronger than hatred is their love for Dale Junior. Hendrick now has three, arguably, of the most popular drivers in NASCAR with Dale Junior, Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson. His powerhouse of a team just got even stronger. Which is great news for them, but bad news for my Rousch boys who just seem to be struggling this year.

Now Junior, I hope realizes that by joining Hendrick he'll no longer be able to blame his lack of winning championships on a bad team -- but he alone will be the sole reason for failure. Time to step up big boy, let's hope that pair you've recently grown are big enough to help you step-up and start being a grown-up.

There's no announcement yet for what number Junior will take on at Hendrick -- any favorites from you all? Remember the number 8 is owned by DEI. I think Jr needs a nice high number -- like 72 -- just to make it harder on his fans. Either way, they're sure to follow him no matter where he goes or what number he drives -- just like you're sure to see tons of Raiders fans dressing up like spikey vikings at whatever game they go to. It's a sure thing.

No word yet where Kyle'll be going, but it seems his leaving Hendrick was as a result of a mutual agreement that occurred during contract discussions.

Fight Night Delivers the Goods

Was it me or did the latest Fight Night live kick much ass? It just seemed to me that every single joker in that cage had something to prove. I knew from the first KO when Drew McFedries laid out Jordan Radev with a punch that hurt me from the comfort of my couch that this was going to be a good show.

And the KOs didn't end there. Oh no. Much like a Ron Popeel(?) infomercial, there was always more. Anthony Johnson put Chad Reiner to sleep via punch out in 13 seconds. 13 SECONDS!!

But for all you who love the submission, you weren't left wanting. Thiago Tavares put on a BJJ clinic when he choked out Jason Black with a deeeeep triangle choke. Up and comer Jon Fitch choked out another up and comer in Roan Carneiro with a beautiful rear naked choke when it looked like Carneiro was completely on empty.

But I think the fight of the night had to go to the main event when Spencer Fisher took on Sam Stout. Fisher won handily in a unanimous decision. The fight was great. No take downs and ground and pound. Straight up, toe to toe punch out! Fisher was landing some killer blows on Stout but just couldn't knock him down. All in all, I'd say that the UFC has some great talent coming up through the ranks.

Next PPV is June 16th at 3 PM in Belfast, Northern Ireland. Make sure you watch it, ye jokers!!

A room at the Inn

While there was no room at the Inn for a certain baby Jesus, there has been room made at the Inn for one Dale Earnhardt, Jr., despite Hendrick claiming weeks earlier that there would be no room for Jr at Hendrick Motor Sports. But it is expected tomorrow at the press conference airing at 11am EST live from JR Motorsports that Dale will announce that he is signing with Hendrick Motorsports, squashing any and all hopes that DEI might have had left.

Now, those of you who follow motorsports and do math (I know it's a rare combination), might note at the moment that Hendrick has 4 signed drivers and cannot add on a 5th car. So, who goes? For those who don't keep track Jeff Gordon, Jimmie Johnson, Casey Mears and Kyle Busch all currently race for Hendrick. Now, most of you would probably assume automatically that the supposed weakest link, Casey Mears, would be the driver receiving the boot. But, NOT SO, according the word around the garage. Word on the street has it that Busch, whose contract is up in 2008, has asked to be let out of his contract early.

Now, for an up and coming driver, this type of decision has to baffle the mind. Hendrick is clearly the superior team this year and there really is no stopping Hendrick at this point in the season. Could he be wanting to leave to race with big brother Kurt? Does he feel unloved at Hendrick or has he just received a secret, under the table, exploding offer from another team that he just can't turn down?

Who knows. The drama will all unfold tomorrow and I promise to keep you, our readers (all three of you ;P ) apprised of the situation. We'll know tomorrow, just as surely race car drivers turn left. But we are now accepting bets as to how many people think Jr. will bother dressing up for this press conference and how many people think he'll once again dress up as a redneck. Odds-on-favorite is that he'll sport traditional redneck fashion.

A new low from a company previously known for middle fingers, poop jokes, and necrophilia.

Vince McMahon finally crossed the line between simple bad taste and disgusting offensiveness Monday night, as McMahon Appreciation Night was disrupted by a horribly-faked version of a carbomb assassination.

Yeah, I know, I can't believe they went there, either. I don't want to sound like a Phil Mushnick, but this is just a little too much considering what's going on in the world these days. People die in carbomb attacks every day on the streets of Iraq. Despite production values that make "The Toxic Avenger" look like "Batman Begins," I think Vince really stuck his foot in it this time.

The WWE has been one of the organizations who have gone above and beyond the call of duty to support our troops, both in Desert Storm and in our current conflicts. At great expense (at least in terms of man hours), the organization flies their wrestlers on USO tours in war zones. They put together a set and a ring and put on special events for our fighting men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan every holiday season. Soldiers, sailors, and airmen fill the stands at WWE events throughout the world, thanks to free tickets provided by the company. The company has won awards from the USO for their good work with our troops.

I know he's not dead in an explosion; I think that even the dumbest mark on the planet knows this is fake, despite Vince and company's best efforts to sell it as something that really happened (which, really, is probably as offensive to me as anything else, because it insults what little intelligence I have). This is a clumbsy, cartoonish attempt to create a little buzz for a flagging product. Maybe the viewer at home, or in the arena, was able to laugh it off, but what if there were some veterans in the crowd?

To those guys, exploding cars aren't such a laughing matter.

Two Moves, Mate.

Dear Cavs And Fans,

It's over. Yes, it's over. I know what most of you are probably saying...

"Len, you're a hater."

No, I'm not. Yes, the Cavs put the Nets out of the playoffs this season. Yes, they've got the most marketable player in the league not named Bryant (until he cheats on his soon to be wife with some broad he just met) and yeah, he wears #23. (Which everyday I see it, has me tipping my hat even more to Gary Bettman for banning people wearing the numbers of retired athletes.)

"Len, you just want to see the Cavs fall so you can laugh at us."

No, that's not true either. I'm laughing at you even as we speak, because
you're the only people that's not seeing what the rest of the world is seeing. That being, simply put, your team's JV. You've got one really good JV player and a bunch of nobodies going up against a trio that's drawing very favorable (and in two games will be mentioned in the same breath as) comparisons to Bird, McHale and Parish. You know, the last actual time Boston fans could hold their heads up high as Celtics' fans? Sometimes, it's good to lose. This year, would've been perfect for your team to lose to the Pistons. Sure, the ratings would've sucked for this Finals series because the small minded types who the ratings are geared towards would've tuned out real basketball. But the truth is, in a craptastic conference, you emerged as its "best". And how ironic is it that the only person on your team with Finals experience was on a similarly constructed team that was blown away in 2001 against a powerhouse similar to the Spurs this season.

Yet another contract clause...

Seeing as it's a day ending with the letter 'y', we have to say a bit about David Beckham. Like just about every Premiership footballer, he has a clause is his contract, which is causing all kinds of umming and aaring from the British press. It seems that Real Madrid can keep him in Spain if they offer him a new contract and he accepts. However, a spokesperson for Beckham says he has no intention of letting LA Galaxy down. So that's that then.

What I want to know is, what's the point of having a contract if you're just going to stick in clauses which actually make it effectively useless? A club signs a player for five years, but there's a clause which says he can leave after one, just because he doesn't like it. Next thing you know, there'll be clauses that allow players to miss training so they can sit on their sofas in their underwear, watching daytime TV (which I could understand, since Channel Five shows episodes of Columbo during the week).

We have to remember these people are role models. Members of the public (admittedly, rather stupid ones) will copy what they do. What would happen if these kinds of contract clauses started seeping into everyday life?

'Sorry, no school today kids. The teachers have 'no-children' clauses in their contracts.' Or 'Sorry, little Timmy, your daddy won't be getting that heart transplant. The doctors have 'no-blood' clauses'.

So essentially, David Beckham is going to be responsible making the nation illiterate, and for killing poor little Timmy's dad. Actually, I think I might have lost the thread just a little...

Is Owen goin'?

Newcastle's permanently injured Michael Owen has a get-out clause in his contract, which means he could leave for as little as £9 million. He cost the club £17 million, plus whatever ridiculous wages he's on, yet he played about five games the entire season, thanks to long-term injury. Seeing as he was getting paid to do nothing, and that the club also went to great expense getting him the best medical treatment available, you'd think he'd want to pay the club and the fans back. Sadly, this may not be the case. If anything is going to keep him at Newcastle, it seems, it will be the fact that very few clubs are willing to pay £9 million for a player who's barely touched a ball all season.

If he does leave, it will be a sad day not only for Newcastle, but for football in general, because Owen seems to be that rarest of rarities - an honourable footballer.

"X-Plosive" was an understatement

Normally, I’m not inclined to compare boxing to a horse race, but tonight’s HBO PPV reminded me of the earlier Belmont Stakes win by Rags to Riches; a stumble at the gate followed by a steady, solid performance and capped off with a spectacular finish. A record 20,600 people packed Madison Square Garden for this one, and by all accounts, they certainly got their money’s worth. It was also one of the bloodier cards I’ve seen in a while. Anyone who says MMA fights are too violent would think twice after seeing this ppv.
As always, let’s go to the card:

Girl power, horsie-style

For the first time since 1905, a filly won the Belmont Stakes today. Rags to Riches began her championship run with the traditional stumble at the gate, then muscled her way past the boys to a nose-to-nose sprint for the finish with the Preakness winner, Curlin before edging past him for the honor of getting 100 lbs. of white carnations slapped on her back and a big fat trophy and payoff for her owners, trainer and jockey.

Apparently winning the Belmont was a matter of sibling rivalry; Rags to Riches' half-brother, Jazil, was last year's Belmont winner. When it comes to sports, little sisters often want to do just what their big brother did--and sometimes, they get their wish.

OldLOL is now entering the starting rotation

Roger Clemens, OldLOL himself, is scheduled to make yet another minor league start today, as the New York Yankees face the mighty Pittsburgh Penguins.

Err, wait, no. The Penguins could probably hit the ball. He’s facing the Pirates of Pittsburgh, the unsuccessful franchise.

I’m glad he could make one major league start without shredding his ancient groin like an overcooked pork roast. Assuming you still count the Pirates as a major league team, which they are only because baseball doesn’t have a relegation system like European professional football (soccer) leagues.

I look forward to many more starts from Roger; he’ll pitch 6 strong innings, post an ERA under 3, and never get a single win because he’s handing the ball off to people like Ron Villone, Luis Vizcaino, and Kyle “pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth” Farnsworth.


In one of the greatest hockey series that have been played in years, the Anaheim Ducks beat the Ottawa Senators tonight for the Stanley Cup. The only thing slightly disappointing with this win is that the series is over, because the quality of hockey between these two teams has been amazing. But I'm glad that if another team had to win the cup other than my Avalanche, who had a disappointing season, I'm glad it was the Ducks. And while the Ducks won the series 4-1, it was a lot closer than that near wipe-out makes it seem. It was a great final.

Congratulations to Scott Niedermayer who won the Conn Smythe Trophy and congratulations to the Ducks for their Stanley Cup Win in their 14th year as a team. And thanks for showing America what good Hockey is about. Let's home you earned the respect of some of the fans you lost in the lock-out.

And yes boys, this probably does mean that unless you actually play hockey, it's time to cut your hockey hair and shave those beards. Clean-up for the summer time of cleaner nicer sports.. like baseball, and golf. How dull.

Prison Blues vs. Orange Jumpsuits 2007: Bengal Pride

Odell Thurman, another one of the nine good citizens on the Bengals who was arrested by the evil racist cops in Cincinnati, has managed to get himself in trouble again. This time, in his home town in Georgia, Thurman is accused of punching two men in an altercation. Thurman was suspended four games last year for skipping a drug test, and was suspended for the rest of the year when he was caught drunk driving.

Now he’s getting arrested for assault. I think it’s time for Odell, who is supremely talented, to go the way of A.J. Nicholson and get a pink slip. Given his prior history, there’s no way Roger Goodell doesn’t drop the hammer on him yet again. Cut your losses, Marvin Lewis. I know it’ll decimate the linebacking corps, but sometimes you have to cut off the foot to save the leg.

Bengals 2 (2 arrests, 2 repeat offender bonuses)
Jets 1
Broncos 1

An Open Letter To The Big Fundamental.

Dear Tim Duncan,

You're it for me. The Washington practice squad wasn't expected to and did absolutely nothing. The Nets...despite having 'The Big Three', thanks
to Half-Man, Non-Amazing, Jersey was sent packing despite Kidd more or less averaging a triple double for the playoffs. A TRIPLE DOUBLE. Oh, can't forget about Team Chernobyl coached by Flip Crappers going up 2-0 then not winning another game. So now, the NBA's got what it wanted. It wanted its biggest star not named Kobe on its biggest stage, since it obviously didn't quite dig the idea of shuttling back and forth between Detroit and San Antonio in what should've been a nice rematch of the 2005 series which your boys took home. Fact is, you're all but being written off by the media. People view you as boring, as fun to watch as paint drying and nobody likes your team anymore. In essence, you're becoming the team everyone wants to hate because you're not the Lakers, Mavs, Suns or etc. People are hating you because you're stoic and your game isn't awe-inspiring such as the person who will be talked about more than you for this series, LeBron James. Oh, forgot to mention this latest in a long line of Jordan Clones the NBA's trotted out in the number 23. For all that people may knock Gary Bettman for, I've got to tip my hat to him for banning all future players from wearing #99.
I guess Adolf would rather try and fail miserably in making clones of stars past than actually create new ones. Which brings me back to you Tim.

An Open Letter To Danica Patrick

Dear Danica Patrick,

Congratulations, you’re the only person who has ever felt wronged in the history of humanity.

I know you’re mad about what you think happened at the ABC Supply/A.J. Foyt 225 at the Milwaukee Mile during lap 88 on Sunday. Maybe you have a point, but you probably don’t. You probably don’t want to hear this right now, but take the tampons out of your ears, stuff them in your mouth, shut the hell up, and listen to the voice of reason.

You lost, and you’re trying to blame someone else (as usual). Dan Wheldon’s job is to win races. He doesn’t have a vagina, so he can’t live off his endorsement deals like you can, Danica. If he doesn’t win, he doesn’t eat. He’s not your teammate, and he’s not your friend. He’s the competition. That’s why he’s going to do anything he can to win every race he can. He’s not going to give you any favors, because the problem with you is everyone is already handing you everything because you’re the only Indy driver anyone can name.

Imminent Rugby World Cup Disaster

This year, the Rugby World Cup will be taking place in France. When I was a teenager, this would have been a great source of excitement. Both the anticipation in the run up the cup and then the event itself would make heart beat so fast it hurt. These days, it will probably provide no more than a vague distraction.

The problem is, unless you’re able to pay for subscription based television, you can’t follow the game in England. Although take-up of such services is increasing here, it’s still not the norm. Most people have analogue five-channel TV, or Digital Freeview, which consists of a fairly basic selection of channels. For this reason, I’ve really lost interest in rugby over the years.

But that’s not the only reason I’m feeling underwhelmed by the imminent World Cup. The fact is England are looking increasingly likely to get beaten by just about everyone. Ever since they won the last World Cup (after which some of the best players and the coach quit), they’ve been totally abysmal. Most recently, they’ve been on tour in South Africa, being made to look like amateurs.

Like I say, I don’t really follow the game that much these days, but I’ve decided I’m going to be making a conscious effort to watch the World Cup. However, I have a feeling I’ll watching England’s games through the gaps in my fingers.

A kick in the Brazil nuts

England’s friendly with Brazil ended with a 1-1 draw; not exactly an inspiring result, and a disappointment for those hoping for a winning start at the new Wembley stadium. Being a friendly, this result is hardly cause for any great concern. A few new players got a run out and a couple of England’s more experienced players returned to action (i.e. Beckham and Owen).

What is of concern is the way in which England conceded. Having gone a goal up, they lacked the killer instinct needed to finish the game. Instead, they meekly capitulated to a Brazilian team which was frankly lacklustre.

How will this affect their upcoming qualifier game against Estonia? Not much. England are certain to be victorious; the only question is by how many goals they’ll win. The answer is: probably not enough. Unless they put five or six goals past this relatively weak opposition, they are likely to attract a great deal of criticism from fans and the media. Judging from past performances against teams like Macedonia, they’re likely to be in for a rough ride.

Hi, I'm Billy Donovan, I'll be your coach...Well see ya I'm out

Billy Donovan is the ‘Jay Mariotti of the Month’ for May and June. As you may or may not have heard, Billy Donovan became the coach of the Magic officially last week, leaving his post at Florida where he won back to back national championships. Now he wants to go back to Florida. This comes after him being intrigued by the NBA for several years, and being giggity-giggity-giggity during the introduction conference on Friday.

In related news, Ron hopes that all of the Florida recruits end up going to Kentucky. Wouldn’t you love to be one of them right now? You think you are about to get back to back guy, you sob quietly, and now you are scratching your head while trying to avoid a Miami player hitting you with their helmet during a drive by.

In conclusion, this is my interpretation of the Billy Donovan situation: He got real fucking tanked ever since winning back to back titles, turned down Kentucky because the drive was too long and he was a flight risk for that long in the air, but when he saw the Magic he thought that bitch looked attractive. He plowed it, woke up on Sunday and saw that she was UUUUUUUUUUUUGLY, so he bailed back to his wife.

I will now leave and go back to the Irrelevance Apartment complex. If OD pelts another tomato at my window I’m going to get my shotgun, or call Vincent Vega, whichever is cheaper in the long run.

Wigan Woe

Obviously not content with narrowly avoiding the drop this season, Wigan have decided they'd like to guarantee relegation next season, with what could well be the worst signing of the upcoming season. Having just begun his tenure at the club, new manager Chris Hutchings has committed career suicide by signing the woeful Titus 'Shambles' Bramble. While playing at his previous club, Newcastle United, the central defender struck fear into the hearts of other players, managers and fans. Unfortunately, the other players were his teammates, the managers were the fools stupid enough to pick him, and the fans were the Newcastle faithful. On the plus side, if he played ten games in a row, he'd probably put in one really good performance. You'd be left thinking that maybe he's not such a bad footballer, until the next game, where he'd go to clear the ball, promptly miss, fall on his arse, and give the opposition a clear chance on goal.

Newcastle released Bramble, as his contract was up. This means Wigan signed him for free, and Newcastle made no money from the deal. My guess is, come the end of the season, Wigan are going to be the ones feeling short-changed.

The Russian judge scored this a 5.9

In the category of "Most Dramatic Performance by a Manager after being tossed", I give you the following:

Not enough to knock the drama queen crown off of Sweet Lou's head, but damn funny though.

Isn't this the kind of thing you take Viagra for?

This just in; Looks like The Rocket's liftoff is on hold due to a "fatigued right groin".

Feel free to insert your own sexual innuendo here.

At the moment, the estimate is that he'll be available when the Yankees face Pittsburgh in interleague play. I'm guessing Roger decided it was better to start off facing a National League team and look like he's still got something rather than try his luck with an American League team, where there's plenty of hitters who are looking forward to the chance to swat his pitches all over the place.

Happy Birthday Earl Boykins!

Earl Boykins on the run from the feds

Ahh, our best friend Earl Boykins. I still remember the time you and Andrew Bogut hopped onto a bicycle to escape from the FBI. Good times, good times. Happy birthday, little buddy. May they finally let you ride the roller coaster without making you bring a signed permission slip from your mom!

O Canada!

There really is nothing quite as thrilling as thousands of Canadians singing "O Canada" before the puck drop of a Stanley Cup playoffs game in Canada. I mean, yes, I'm not Canadian, but our national anthem sucks and is kind of hard to sing even when you're sober. That's why we don't sing along to our national anthem, and the Canadians belt theirs out every chance they get. The closest we have is "God Bless America" at Yankees games, and that doesn't compare.

What, me suck? Can't be--gotta be the drugs

Ya gotta love the sports/drugs relationship; half the sports world are denying they're on drugs, the other half are blaming their shitty performances on being drugged.

Case in point: boxer Antonio Tarver, who now says the reason he sucked ass against Bernard Hopkins last year was because he might have been drugged. Apparently Tarver has a problem with the idea that dropping from 220 pounds (his reported weight when he appeared in "Rocky Balboa") to the 175 he needed to be for the fight might have made him slow and sluggish, so he had to come up with another reason he was dead in the water. The fact that the post-fight urine test showed no signs of drugs in his system doesn't seem to matter to him, either. He wasn't supposed to suck, so he had to have been drugged.

I don't know what's more pathetic: that he actually expects someone to believe him, or that it took him a year to come up with this.

Becks to basics

David Beckham. Not the ideal way to start a blog entry, but it seems like everyone else is talking about him, so I might as well have a go at it too. Of course, the media are always interested in him, no matter what he’s been doing (or not doing, as the case may be). However, this week there’s been a good reason for it.

Yes, he’s back in the England squad. As many a football fan predicted, Steve McClaren is quickly proving his inability to manage at the highest level, and is desperately trying to save his own skin by bringing in an experienced, talismanic player.

That’s not to say that Beckham doesn’t deserve the recall. Although I can understand McClaren’s desire to start afresh, and I applaud his courage in dropping such a popular player, I think it was wrong to leave Beckham out altogether. Putting him on the bench for a few games might have been a better strategy.

Regardless, his recent form is what’s got him back in the squad, and hopefully his presence will benefit England’s chances of qualifying for Euro 2008. However, even if England do qualify, it seems unthinkable that Beckham will play in the tournament, considering he’ll be an LA Galaxy player by then. No disrespect to Major League Soccer, but he’d have more chance of being picked if he was playing on the moon (okay, maybe a little disrespect).

Then again, this is David Beckham, so anything could happen.

An Open Letter To Lawrence "Opie" Frank.

Dear Opie,

Congratulations on blowing a series that should've been won in six to a team that's 24 hours away from winning the Eastern Conference in six. Just so you know, as long as I've been alive and breathing I've been privvy to a few gutwrenching moments by some of my favorite teams...

- Ewing blowing the finger roll in Game 7 against the Pacers in 1995, which all but certainly cost them a trip to the Finals as I think they would have beaten the Magic.

- Jordan killing the Knicks on a regular basis from 1993 on in the Eastern Conference Finals. Or Semis.

- The Cowboys being sandbagged by the Panthers the year after winning the Super Bowl in 1996, then being punked by Jake The Snake and the Cards in 1998. (The same year they passed on Moss, who went on to help the Vikes to a 15-1 mark.)

- The Giants blowing a huge second half lead to the 49ers in the Park Formerly Known As Candlestick...then following that up by losing to the Eagles last January in Philly. Garcia times two.

My list of Coaches I'd Most Like To See Pink Slipped used to have just one name on it and that was Tom Coughlin. I don't think I need to state how adamant I am that he lose his job, but now, congratulations. He's #2 and you're #1 with a bullet. How do you not get the ball out of Vince's hands in that crucial Game 6? How do you not see that his shoot first, ask questions after the season's over mentality was going to kill the team? Why have your team settling for jump shots when they could've been driving the lane and drawing fouls or what have you? How could you not have made the adjustments needed to ensure you weren't outcoached by Mike Brown and let me tell you since I'm around Cavalier fans 24/7, even THEY CAN'T STAND HIM!!! Bottom line is, you wasted perhaps the last great run that J-Kidd had in him and for what? For what? So Vince can shoot us into another offseason with no silver ball to show for it?

One Move, Mate.

That's all it is now in the Eastern Conference Finals. One move.

One win and Cleveland will do what I previously thought until last night was unthinkable. That being, win the Eastern Conference with LeBron in uniform. Or even at all, I mean, their 90s teams with Nance, Price, Ehlo and company couldn't do Adolf Stern's made it possible for these putzes to do this? Well, one win gets Cleveland in to smell the roses right before the hungry Spurs put them under while TD tosses black roses on their grave. Cleveland's not beating San Antonio, no matter how badly the media and ESPNis leads you to believe otherwise.

One loss sends Detroit home early AGAIN, second time since Larry was sent packing and well, maybe Flip's proving that not everyone can truly coach great teams. Check that, after last night's performance I've got to call BS on that one. Larry Brown had a GREAT TEAM here, Flip's turned them into a 'fairly good' one. Flip, sir, why take out Rasheed in the third and allow the Cavs to go on a run that gets them back into the game when the idea is to apply the knockout blow. Wasn't in foul trouble or anything, so what's up with that? Then, when LeBron was just flat out burning your team, any reason why you didn't instruct your players to...I dunno, SEAL OFF THE LANE AND MAKE HIM KICK IT RATHER THAN SLAM IT DOWN FOR THE GAME TYING AND WINNING BASKETS?!!!

I'm seeing why the smartest move that McHale's made since coming to Minnesota was canning your ass. You suck. Rick Carlisle would've had the Cavs's nuts on his wall by now and we'd be 24 hours away from the Pistons returning to the NBA Finals. Betcha Joe D's got his number on speed dial, just waiting to hit it after your boys blow this.

Two wins for the Pistons will, more than likely mean the 'small minds' that constitute the Nielsen viewing clowns with those "Ratings Boxes" are gonna tune out what should be a great series between the Spurs and the Pistons. It will also mean checkmate for them to, because simply put they're not the same team from two seasons ago that took the Spurs to seven. I'm not seeing that same grit, the same blue collar, we're just gonna shut you down and beat you silly mentality that made them Eastern Conference Champions two seasons ago.