Dear Tim Duncan,

You're it for me. The Washington practice squad wasn't expected to and did absolutely nothing. The Nets...despite having 'The Big Three', thanks
to Half-Man, Non-Amazing, Jersey was sent packing despite Kidd more or less averaging a triple double for the playoffs. A TRIPLE DOUBLE. Oh, can't forget about Team Chernobyl coached by Flip Crappers going up 2-0 then not winning another game. So now, the NBA's got what it wanted. It wanted its biggest star not named Kobe on its biggest stage, since it obviously didn't quite dig the idea of shuttling back and forth between Detroit and San Antonio in what should've been a nice rematch of the 2005 series which your boys took home. Fact is, you're all but being written off by the media. People view you as boring, as fun to watch as paint drying and nobody likes your team anymore. In essence, you're becoming the team everyone wants to hate because you're not the Lakers, Mavs, Suns or etc. People are hating you because you're stoic and your game isn't awe-inspiring such as the person who will be talked about more than you for this series, LeBron James. Oh, forgot to mention this latest in a long line of Jordan Clones the NBA's trotted out in the number 23. For all that people may knock Gary Bettman for, I've got to tip my hat to him for banning all future players from wearing #99.
I guess Adolf would rather try and fail miserably in making clones of stars past than actually create new ones. Which brings me back to you Tim. You're the NBA's equivalent of Tom Brady, sorta. You don't have the Baby Mama Drama that Tom's got, if anything, you're what Tom used to be before he dumped Bridget for Gisele (Upgrade of the Year) and you're quiet and unassuming. No matter what that Crawford clown says to the contrary. You've yet to lose in the Finals and you're a two time MVP. Hell, you've been responsible for the downfall of the Celtics (your going to San Antonio killed them more than the deaths of Reggie Lewis and Len Bias combined) and The Admiral retiring with two more rings than he would've or could've won on his own. You're the Silent Assassin. Your bank shot off the glass isn't exactly as flashy as the dunk at full speed ole LBJ throws down, but how many rings has ole LBJ gotten with his shot and how many have you gotten with yours? The facts are as follows...

- LeBron's happy to be here, because now we can all give him his due. Hell, I'm probably one of his biggest critics and even I've had to eat some crow...although Detroit did everything short of walk off the court about midway through the series ending Game 6 to ensure he got here. Props to Flip for justifying the only smart thing Kevin McHale's done as an executive, firing your dumb ass.
- Your Spurs are hands down the best team in this series and you've got the best coach in the league not named Jackson or Riley, so I need not go through what I've had to go through the past two series watching two coaches as inept as Mike Brown look lost in the sauce. Pops will expose the weaknesses of the Cavaliers and your Spurs will take advantage.
- Tony Parker's better than...Boobie. What the fizzyuck is a Boobie? Or Boobsie? Anyway, Parker's got Eva and he's got game, so Tony wins. As I think about it, other than the obvious LeBron/Bowen matchup, your boys are better in every feasible area there is to think of. Period.

Bottom line is this Tim, this is your time to shine. You've got a chance to be the greatest power forward to ever lace em' up and you've got a chance to put San Antonio up there with the Bulls from the 90s, the Celts and Lakers of the 80s along with those Bad Boys from Motown whom you have cleverly decided to label your Spurs after. For all that's right with the basketball world, you can't let LeBron win. If they win, every purist of the game loses. Okay, maybe not that extreme but damnit, I can't go through a single calendar year of hearing these clowns brag about a title.
This is Cleveland we're talking about here, they find ways to lose titles. The 97 Indians lost the World Series to the Marlins who were the best team money could buy. (I think even Steinbrenner's jealous of this team.) Let me not go there about the Browns, they had to leave the city of Cleveland to win their first Super Bowl and damnit, I want it to be etched in all of these morons' skulls that not even "Prince James" himself can bring Cleveland a title. And if you could really be nice, sweep these slapnuts in 4. PLEASE. I'd especially love to laugh at all of these clowns who have rubbed it in my grill about the Nets being swept by the Lakers in 2002.

Anyway, go out there and win #4 for all those folks who say you're too boring and your team's dirty. Because after all, there's a reason that nice guys finish last. They weren't dirty enough to finish first.

Sincerely,
Len Corleone
- Founding Father Of The Fire Frank Foundation