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This is the archive for June 2007

the ultimate junk ball pitch

Dice-K has the gyroball. Orlando Hernandez and Casey Fossum throw the Eephus pitch. So which picther is going to be the first one to learn the pitch in this video? - Watch more free videos

In case you missed this on ESPN

Witness the future:

Roger Clemens 2057

Roc-KET! Roc-KET! Roc-KET!

Slammin' Sammy helps rape history

Sammy Sosa joined the elite company of Aaron, Ruth, Mays, and, uh… Bonds as one of only five players in major league history to hit 600 home runs. No matter what you might think about Sosa’s propensity to strike out constantly, his Bonds caliber inability to play the outfield, and his convenient disappearing English abilities, hitting 600 home runs is impressive.

Considering this is something to celebrate, Sosa could speak English at his post game press conference. Among those he thanked were Winstrol, Deca-Durabolin, Victor Conte, Turinabol, Dianabol, Rafael Palmeiro, the Cork Oak, Superball, Chico Escuela, and of course Blaster the Autobot.

The "Evil Empire" expands into the Evil Empire

The Yankees have become the first MLB team to sign players from China. Two 19-year-old Chinese players--left-handed pitcher Kai Liu and catcher Zhenwang Zhang--have been signed to minor-league contracts with approval from the Chinese Baseball Association.

Insert "Made in China" cheap labor joke here. Expect Red Sox Nation to immediately switch to Thai food and Korean dry cleaning.

OldLOL is now entering the starting rotation

Roger Clemens, OldLOL himself, is scheduled to make yet another minor league start today, as the New York Yankees face the mighty Pittsburgh Penguins.

Err, wait, no. The Penguins could probably hit the ball. He’s facing the Pirates of Pittsburgh, the unsuccessful franchise.

I’m glad he could make one major league start without shredding his ancient groin like an overcooked pork roast. Assuming you still count the Pirates as a major league team, which they are only because baseball doesn’t have a relegation system like European professional football (soccer) leagues.

I look forward to many more starts from Roger; he’ll pitch 6 strong innings, post an ERA under 3, and never get a single win because he’s handing the ball off to people like Ron Villone, Luis Vizcaino, and Kyle “pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth” Farnsworth.

The Russian judge scored this a 5.9

In the category of "Most Dramatic Performance by a Manager after being tossed", I give you the following:

Not enough to knock the drama queen crown off of Sweet Lou's head, but damn funny though.

Isn't this the kind of thing you take Viagra for?

This just in; Looks like The Rocket's liftoff is on hold due to a "fatigued right groin".

Feel free to insert your own sexual innuendo here.

At the moment, the estimate is that he'll be available when the Yankees face Pittsburgh in interleague play. I'm guessing Roger decided it was better to start off facing a National League team and look like he's still got something rather than try his luck with an American League team, where there's plenty of hitters who are looking forward to the chance to swat his pitches all over the place.