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One Good Punch

...and the fight is over. If you're impatient, like I am, skip to 50 seconds in and embrace the magic of the Serious Overhand Right. Wow. And, also, ouch. Whenever that other guy wakes up, he's going to know he got hit.

That said, would you *really* be disappointed by a quick knockout at an MMA card? Or would you be talking about it for days afterward like you were Smokey from Friday? I think I'd be more excited by a seriously impressive KO than I would a boring technical MMA Gracie grope-fest.

Kimbo Slice Is Done

Now that Kimbo Slice is officially a complete and total joke, can we now move on to real fighters please? He should've lost his last fight versus James Thompson on May 31, and now he officially got knocked the fuck out by a guy nobody's ever heard of (Seth Petruzelli). A toe kick, a right hand, and then Kimbo's donezo.

Good riddance, you pathetic excuse for a fighter. You can't even make it one round without gasping for breath, Kimberly. Maybe you should lay off the steroids and run on the treadmill for a little bit, assuming you ever fight again after this.

Aside: This is also kind of the kiss of death for Elite XC, too. They're bleeding money like crazy, and their only draw not named Gina Carano getting knocked out is bad for business. That's why they protected him versus Thompson. Now? Buh-bye.

The Olympic Spirit Is All About Kicking Officials In The Face

Whatever you do, don't piss off Cuban tae kwon do Olympian Angel Valodia Matos because, as the photo from AP stringer Matt Dunham shows, he'll probably kick you in the face. After all, when he found himself disqualified in the bronze metal match in men's over 80K tae kwon do match for taking too long due to an injury, he didn't take it like a man. Well, he did take it like a man if that man is Steven Seagal. Matos decided to resolve his differences with match referee Chakir Chelbat by kicking the Swedish official square in the face.

Ow, my nose!

Kazakhstan's Arman Chilmanov won the bronze medal and will definitely have to work twice as hard to defend himself from the Jew's claws now. Matos and his coach earned lifetime ban from the World Taekwondo Federation. As it turns out, they kind of look down on pushing judges, pushing and kicking officials, spitting on the mat, and then later not apologizing for it.

H/T: Dave Barry

Tony Jaa Is Not Impressed With Your Cartwheel Kick

Great MMA Knockout - video powered by Metacafe

H/T: Deadspin

Kimbo Slice Is A Joke

As someone who has watched boxing for 15 years now, I've seen a lot of blatantly crooked, blatantly biased decisions where it was obvious someone was on the take. If not the referee, then the promoters, who have interests to protect, made sure the judges knew who was supposed to win the fight, and that they were to make sure the right person got the victory.

Last night, at the EliteXC event televised on CBS, Kimbo Slice got a serious taste of what the NBA calls home cooking. The rest of the world calls it a fix. That's what Slice's fight against James "The Colossus" Thompson was, a blatant fix.

Any unbiased observer, and even the paid shills doing the commentary for the event on CBS, knew Kimbo was down two rounds to none. Kimbo got exposed on the ground, and he finally fought someone who could not only take his punches, but hit him back harder. Kimbo was absolutely gassed, gasping for breath, and completely owned by his first legitimate competetor since Sean Gannon beat him in that YouTube streetfight. So far all Slice has done in his career is beat up tomato cans and 50-something former boxers.

If you believe Thompson was too hurt to go on in that fight, watch the ending when he looks at, then shoves, the ref. That doesn't look like a man who is ready to go down. Besides, it would have been in Elite's best interests to let Thompson get knocked out, if they really thought he was in danger. He was hurt, but no worse than Kimbo was hurt in the first round OR the second round, both times when he got saved by the bell. Given how they let Gina Carano and Kaitlin Young finish their round despite Young's awful-looking eye, I don't see how anyone who isn't a Kimbo fanboy could possibly tell me that the ref wasn't told, before the third round, to stop it in Kimbo's favor the moment Thompson got in trouble. If it wasn't a fix, then that is the worst official I've ever seen, and I've seen Dick Bavetta call an NBA game.

Kimbo Slice, if he'd started doing this 10 years ago, could've been a great righter. As it stands now, unless he gets serious about learning some ground skills, he's going to be nothing but a less-interesting version of Bob Sapp. Come to think of it, I'd love to see Kimbo fight the real internet legend, Bob "The Beast" Sapp. They're both old, they're both huge, they're both one-dimensional brawlers, and neither one of them can make it through a full round without gasping for breath. It's the perfect fight! The only problem is Kimbo would get absolutely slaughtered, so EliteXC won't let the man they've pumped a million dollars into get knocked out so quickly.

Once Elite makes all the money they can off him, or until his contract is about over and he makes it clear he's not interested in resigning with them, Kimbo will continue to be protected, both through crooked decisions like last night's and by giving him easy opponents. Or, in the case of last night, a little bit of both. I don't want to see EliteXC try to out-crooked Don King. If that means Kimbo gets his ass handed to him by a real fighter, so be it.

Elite XC

Dear Elite XC audiences,

You spoiled motherfuckers. I saw the primetime CBS special tonight, and I’ve been looking forward to seeing Kimbo fight for a while on television. However, that isn’t what I’m going to do a mini-rant about. During the Lawler vs Smith fight you ignorant douchebags were booing when they stopped fighting for twenty seconds trying to strategize. You get treated to quick knockouts and stops due to people getting punched hard in the face and you boo for twenty seconds of inactivity? I got a great recipe to drive you fuckers insane: Tim Sylvia. Half of you would put your heads through the chairs you sit in if you saw him fight. Oh, but of course when Lawler and Smith go on a flurry, you all mark out like a bunch of teenage girls for John Cena again. Sickening. WEC and UFC crowds aren’t like that because they actually have a clue. After maybe a minute or two of jack shit then I can see the need to boo, or in the case of the fight finish because it was bullshit, but you idiots whined after twenty seconds. Get your heads out of your asses and learn to appreciate real MMA.

Oh, and a special Jim Rome style war goes out to Phil Baroni for doing a very flashy entrance and then getting knocked on his ass about two minutes later. Nice job, idiot.

Axe Murderer arrives in UFC

Just today, Dana White finally added Wanderlei Silva to the already stacked Light Heavyweight ranks of the UFC. This comes on the heels of White signing a bunch of PRIDE fighters over to fight for him. Adding this guy brings the total bad assedness of the UFC to an all time high.

This guy is known for his aggressive style and ability to end fights quickly, kinda like an axe murderer I guess. Also his stare down is second only to Quinton Jackson. The guy looks like he's genuinely pissed that he has to fight you and he's going to make sure to rearrange your internals to sate his pissed offedness.

For those of you not in the know, this is Silva's second go-round with the UFC after having debuting against Vitor Belfort in '98. I can't wait for the possible match-ups in the future. This guy has already beaten Dan Henderson, Kaz Sakuraba, and Quinton Jackson twice.

The thing you gotta love about this guy is that he's not afraid to get in there and throw punches like a drunken Irishmen. Sorry, that wasn't PC. Irishperson. Anyways, just looking forward to December when Silva begins hacking his way through the Light Heavyweight ranks.

It's Sho(gun) time!

Okay, it's getting a little nuts now for me. I've never had so much MMA I need to/want to watch. We all know that UFC 75 will be aired for free on Spike....Quinton Jackson vs. Dan Henderson...yada yada yada....but now I'm already plotzing about the next UFC PPV. (Ya like that rhyming action?) At UFC 76, former light heavy champion Chuck Liddell will take on, and I don't know why, Keith Jardine. Keep in mind that Jardine is coming off a humiliating KO by Houston Alexander. Why Liddell is taking on this curtain jerker in a MAIN EVENT I'll never know. But that's not what I'm happy about, as if you couldn't already tell. No's the simple fact that PFC phemom Mauricio "Shogun" Rua will make his octagon debut against.....get ready for it.....Forrest friggin' Griffen. Forrest must love those high profile fights. Is it too much to say that it's a good time to be a fight fan?

UFC to telecast 75....FOR FREE!!!!

Well, the heading says it all, doesn't it?

No need to rub your eyes or call the doctor to set up an appointment to check your mental health. As Kurt Angle would say, "It's damn real." Dana White, that magnificent bastard, has said that on September 8th, the fight to unify the 205 lb belts from both UFC and Pride will be ab-so-lutely FREE!! FREE I SAY! Quinton Jackson vs. Dan Henderson for free. I think I just wet myself.

Not only do we get to see them go at it, we get to see a very pissed off Mirko "Cro-Cop" get back in the octagon ready to take Frenchman Cheick Kongo's head off!!! Can't wait for that. Also, England's own Michael Bisping will get to take on TUF 3 alumni Matt "The Deaf Guy" Hamill. This is going to be great! If you don't watch it, you should seek out professional help!!!

London Calling

It seems that Dana White has fallen in love with merry ol' England. Why do I say this? Well, it's been confirmed that UFC 75 is to be held in London, England. This is the 3rd show to be held outside of the US in as many months and this one should be a rockin' shindig.

Why's that? Well, let's see. You have the return of Mirko "Cro-Cop" after the embarrassment he suffered at the hands of Gabe Gonzaga. He's plenty pissed off about that and looking to kick the head off of someone. You also got fan-fave Michael Bisping in a light-heavyweight fight. Oh yeah, you also have Quinton Jackson vs. Dan Henderson.

That's right, jokers. Champion vs. Champion. It's every fight fan's wet dream come to life. We'll know who's the best in the 205 lb division in the world. My God, I think I'm going to faint.

Bodog Fight invites Prez White

Dana White, the president of the UFC, has always spoken his mind. And I respect that. I really do. There isn't a show on Spike TV when he's not bleeped more than 50 bazillion times. More recently, the former boxing gym owner has called out Bodog Fight founder Calvin Ayre. White has called him a criminal and likened him to Richard Pryor's character in the movie "Brewster's Millions." You know, the guy who's trying to spend all his money in 48 hours. Well, Ayre is making White an interesting offer. Almost like Eric Bischoff made Vince McMahon back during the Monday Night Wars.

On July 14th, Bodog Fight is putting on its first show on US soil in New Jersey ,and Ayre is offering to pick up Mr. White from where ever he is and fly him via private jet to the show. There, it is said, Mr. White will enjoy all the finest things in life. Champagne... a room in a 5 star hotel... and a front row seat to the Eddie Alvarez/Matt Lee fight. All Dana has to do is RSVP. Now, of course it's not gonna happen; but it's kinda cool to see someone bow up on Dana freakin' White, n'est pas?

UFC keeps up string of solid shows with FNL

Was it me or did the recent UFC Fight Night Live rule with an iron fist? You had KOs and tapouts galore.

In the KO department, you saw Anthony Johnson lay out Chad Reiner in 13 seconds. 13 SECONDS! It was crazy. And in the same vein of quick KOs, Drew McFedries creamed Jordan Radev in 33 seconds. Both of these guys look great in their stand-up game. Of course they're a loooong way from being the next Chuck Liddell.

And in the tapout area, you saw Thiago Tavares put on a BJJ clinic when he made Jason Black look like a fool with a vicious triangle choke in the 2nd round. If you saw this fight, you know what I'm saying. Tavares is a future Lightweight Champion. Mark my words. Also, Jon Fitch made Roan Carneiro tap with a rear naked choke in round numero 2. Fitch just ran Carneiro down to fumes.

But the fight of the night had to go to the main event of Spencer Fisher vs. Sam Stout. Fisher won handily by landing vicious strikes and pushing the fight. It had to feel good to avenge a loss. Stout was just getting rocked. Kudos to him, though, for not showing how hurt he had to be. Next PPV is June 16th in Belfast, Northern Ireland. Ye must watch it! Franklin vs. Okami! Griffin vs. Rameriez! It will ROCK!!

I'm thinking Okami will stop Franklin. Okami stopped the current UFC Middleweight Champ before and that has to be swimming around in Franklin's mind. Griffin needs a win to still be considered a top contendor in the Light Heavyweight division. At least in my book.

The real winner is the promoter who dreamed up this freak show

Who wins? A street fighter who got owned by a below average MMA fighter or a professional boxer who happens to be 16 years removed from his last significant title victory? Would you take the 46-year-old former pro boxer who has had two MMA fights in which he either lost by decision or got KOd with a kick, or would you take the "30" year old street fighter who got pwned by a terrible MMA fighter and is famous because he beats up nobodies on the internet?

Mike Tyson versus Secretariat.

Kevin Ferguson AKA Kimbo Slice versus Merciless Ray Mercer.

Considering Kimbo is neither a trained grappler nor a trained boxer, and considering Ray Mercer has at least fought in a legitimate MMA competition before, the only way Kimbo possibly takes this one is if Ray Mercer is just so slow and old that he gets beaten to the punch (pardon the pun). Anyone with a little training and the ability to take a punch like everyone knows Mercer has ought to be able to beat the most talented street fighter out there, but I’d be lying if I didn’t want to buy the pay-per-view of this freak show.

My prediction: Bob Sapp by KO in the first round.

My real prediction: A boring pseudo-fight in which Kimbo doesn’t want to be embarrassed by an old man and Mercer doesn’t want to be knocked out by someone with no real fighting skills. Expect lots of groping and hugging, and a lame decision at the end unless someone (Kimbo) does something stupid.

Oh my God, look at his knee!

Mirko Cro Cop, you just got knocked the fuck out! Looks like Gabriel Gonzaga is just as much of a giant-killer as Gonzaga University is. Next stop, Gonzaga vs. Randy Coture.

EDIT: Also, this is post #400! Bully for us!

UFC proves you can buy PRIDE

Remember a few months ago when Rich discussed the myriad problems suffered by PRIDE Fighting Championships and parent company Dream Stage Entertainment? You do? Good.

Lorenzo and Frank Fertitta, owners of the UFC, have agreed to purchase PRIDE, including all contracts and tape archives, for $65 million dollars from majority owner Nobuyuki Sakakibara. The new company will be called Pride FC Worldwide Holdings LLC, and plans are already in the works for a couple of massive PPV events and some serious title unifications.

The Brothers Fertitta have been quite active in the MMA world over the last year. Their acquisition of PRIDE comes on the heels of their recent purchases of competitors World Extreme Cagefighting and World Fighting Alliance. One of their former WFA fighters, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, is set to challenge Chuck Liddell for the UFC Heavyweight Championship in Las Vegas at a May 26th pay-per-view event, so look for the PRIDE fighters to be added to the mix immediately.

While this is a great thing for mixed martial arts in general, it is very bad news for K-1, Showtime’s upstart EliteXC, and the International Fight League. The UFC surpassed $200 million PPV revenues, and routinely surpasses boxing events in total buyrate, so the rich keep getting richer.

If it brings MMA to greater visibility, then awesome. As any boxing fan can tell you, too many sanctioning bodies dilutes the quality of competition and harms the image of the sport. So does rampant corruption. As long as the Fertittas can keep the Mafia and Yakuza away, and keep their corporate nose clean, this is great news for violence fans.