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This is the archive for September 2006

The Pantheon of Badassery: Chris Simms

So, I’m sure you’ve all heard about Chris Simms by now. For those of you that haven’t, here’s the gist of what went down.

During the entire Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Carolina Panters game, Chris Simms, since he’s on Tampa Bay, got beaten up pretty badly. He took some big hits really early, and he was kind of laboring the whole game. He looked like he’d hurt his ribs, and his teammates even said he looked hurt from the first quarter on.

Well, as we all know now, it turns out Chris Simms may have played basically the entire Tampa Bay/Carolina game (aside from part of the third quarter) with a ruptured fucking spleen, in addition to suffering from vomiting and dehydration (which might have to do with, I don’t know, blowing out an internal organ?).

It got so bad he left the game during the third quarter for treatment, then came out in the fourth quarter and led a scoring drive. Then they took him to the hospital, gave him a blood transfusion, and removed his spleen.

You think you would notice if you blew out your spleen, wouldn’t you? Even if it came on that vicious hit in the fourth quarter (which seems to be the common belief), he still finished the game out despite the fact that, had things not gone right, he could be dead right now.

Maybe Chris Simms is tougher than I could have ever imagined. Maybe he’s just that fucking stupid. Or maybe these guys spend so much time hurt what’s one more new ache and pain? Either way, I have a new level of respect for Phil’s son.

Speaking of Phil and the inevitable comparisons to the old man, could the old man have blown out an internal organ and still played the game? I’m not sure; it’s a hell of an injury to withstand. I guess it depends on if Lawrence Taylor switched water bottles with him.

Playing with a ruptured spleen is pretty fucking amazing, but not nearly as amazing as the fact that Chris Simms is able to stuff his gigantic balls into his pants without the aid of a crowbar. My hat’s off to you, man.