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This is the archive for October 2006

Perry Ballard: Middleweight Champion & Nice Guy Emeritus

Just when you think everyone in boxing is a scumbag or an idiot, you hear about a guy like Perry Ballard. The middleweight champion of some organization called the World Boxing Empire, Ballard put aside his 18 1 record and demonstrated something even more impressive in a boxer, selflessness. Normally boxers think only about themselves, but Ballard went out of his way to help out the less fortunate.

Ballard, you see, chased down, tackled, and restrained a robber who had stolen $473 from a taxi driver. The only flaw in the whole evening was that Ballard didn’t demonstrate his power (14 knockouts in 19 fights) by popping the guy a few times while he had him restrained. That's good citizenship, kids.

I guess Ballard really is a nice guy, even to people who deserve a good beating.

"I want his heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah."

Many moons ago, Rich announced the launch of the Mike Tyson Ass-Beating World Tour, but since then more details have surfaced regarding just how far the mighty Iron Mike has fallen.

"If I don't get out of this financial quagmire there's a possibility I may have to be a punching bag for somebody," Tyson said Thursday at a news conference in Youngstown, Ohio. "The money I make here isn't going to help any of my bills really from a tremendous standpoint, but I'm going to feel better about myself. I'm not going to be depressed."

So in order to avoid being somebody’s punching bag, Mike Tyson’s… going to be somebody’s punching bag? Sounds like the last thing Mike needs is to be punched in the head some more.
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Let's get ready to watch a Russian kill a Black Man...

For those of us who have this macrabe sense of entertainment, which happens to be this entire staff, get their wish for somebody possibly dying in the ring. This weekend, HBO Boxing gives us the freak show of the 21st Centruy.

What's the freak show I mention? All 7 foot even of Nikolai "The Russian Giant" Valuev vs. all 6 foot 3 of Monte' "Two Gunz" Barrett. Let's start the death poll for the end of 2006, kids.

Who the hell in their right minds among the retards of HBO thought this was a good fucking idea? I could give you about 7 feet and a 44-0 record on why it's a very bad idea.

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