Why Page 2 is going straight to hell faster than Scoop can take it.
If everybody has paid attention to Page 2 of the ESPeeeiN, (Copyright to the Critic.) you've probably seen the coming of the Black Female Antichrist (if you're a Deadspinner) or something of that sort. However, I'm not going that far with Jemelelelelelen (or however the fuck you're supposed to spell this cunt's name).
And for your race card, Ms. Hill, I'm the following: I'm a gun-toting, Army brat, meat-eating, soft-spoken in public, college-educated Mexican-American raised by a White father and a Mexican mother. Be sure to get all that down on a note card nice and neat after you're done giving Scoop Jackson that hummer. Of all the times for Harold Reynolds to get fired after a fucking hug, the 'tards at Bristol hire this hack.
I realize that a lot of you stopped going to the Bristol Sports Special Educational Writers Base of Operations because you figured our bullshit was a lot more tolerable. I'll give Deadspin credit where credit due, at least their bullshit tries to be funny, even if it's owned by the same fuckers who own the more tolerable jacking-off site called Fleshbot.
Do you still have all your Y2K bottled water and canned goods? Good; I suggest you hang onto those for a little while longer, because we've entered serious Apocalypse country. "Why do you say that, Ron?" you might ask yourself as you put down the bong and hide your sleeping sister from Zach Randolph.
Here's why: I agree with Screamin' A. Smith on something. Specifically, the tastelessness of O.J. Simpson.
Well, to be honest, Screamin' Ass and I agree on two things: O.J. being a scumbag who deserves divine retribution and our love of delicious, tasty Cheese Doodles!