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This is the archive for November 2006

An Open Letter to the Giant Hack, Tom Coughlin.

Dear Coach Dumbass,

How does it feel this week to be the one New York coach to completely look like a dumbass. I know you owed Joey T. and Willie Randolph a favor or two. It's bad when a scUM thug and the whitest black man in the NFL unite in saying how bad you suck at coaching. Now the 2nd NFL Messiah child is joining in with them after you threw him under the bus during your press conference this past week. I mean, let's face it. You called so many bad plays that Albert decided not to curb stomp him this week. He considered it bad enough that he had to listen to you.

While even a jaded fuck like me can appreciate that a Texas boy like Vince Young can get it done. I secretly knew that you were going to blame Eli Messiah, Shockey the scUM Thug, or Tiki the White Man for your own fuck-ups. But when it gets to it, Tommy. We know where the blame for the Giants sucking belongs. Right with you.

In fact, is it coincidence that Jack Del Rio, one of the baddest Spaniards around, took a couple of years and two black QBs to fix your bullshit? I think not. That's how Jack rolls. In fact, he started out as a strength and conditioning coach who enjoyed a clean program, at of all places, Baltimore. He kept them clean in the weight room, at least. The streets are another matter.

In fact, Tom, are you still feeling a small dick complex because he took the random bullshit picks you made and worked with it. Then, the man actually gains success with said first black QB with Bledsoe complex and wins. Man, no wonder you can't do shit in the No Fun League...
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An Open Letter to the Pac-10

Dear Pac-10 Official,

We get it. Okay? We know you guys want to keep USC on top of your conference and at the top of the BCS standings by any means necessary, up to and including blatantly rigging calls to fall in USC’s favor. It’s obvious by now. Even Corky from "Life Goes On" gets it, and he’s not even a football fan.

I know that, sometimes, officials make mistakes on the field. It’s the heat of the moment, you’ve got bad angles, blah blah blah. I understand that. Shit happens; but this begs the question: WHY IN THE FUCK DO YOU GET REPLAYS WRONG?

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An Open Letter to Bill Parcells

Dear Bill,

A two-point conversion? Seriously? It's the second fucking quarter and the score is 6-5 Take the point!

Listen, I know you want to be fired. I get that. If I had to coach up T.O. I'd be ready to be fired, too, but come on. Try to make it a little less obvious that you're ready to go back to your fishing boat and your piles of money.

Good luck getting shitcanned,

The Writer