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This is the archive for November 2006

Good news, everyone!

You know, I was going to bitch about Michael Strahan, but then something came to my attention that blew all those bad feelings out of the water.

It was a phone call. No, it wasn't the lottery with my F-U money, but it was almost as good.

It was my local cable company, Insight, who I bashed for not ponying up the cash to the NFL for the Thursday night games in my Thanksgiving post. So, thanks to Insight TV caving, I got to watch a pretty good game between the Bengals and the Balamer Ravens, which the Bengals won 13-7.

While the game itself wasn't an offensive fireworks show, it was heartening for long-suffering Cincy fans like myself, as the team set a club record by having 7 shutout quarters in a row until a garbage-time TD from McNair from Mason screwed the scoreless streak. Still, defense on the Bengals? A sweet flea-flicker play executed to perfection?

Damn good times. Thanks a lot for giving me what I pay for, Insight. Finally!

Prophetic Am I Not?

I'm about to copy and paste something I blogged one week ago today. A week ago, I ranted about how Fassel was needed to return to New York in place of the obviously beleaguered Tom Coughlin who has had his damn manhood questioned by seemingly everyone but the damn towel boy since January. I'll get deeper on this tomorrow, but here's the rant in its entirety.


Since I'm sure nobody's going to say it, at least openly yet, I'm going to. Tom Coughlin's gotta go.

After the utterly poor performance on Monday night in his homecoming at Jacksonville, I've had enough. Every NYG fan within reading distance of this thing should've had enough and simply put, there's too much talent on this team for them to be strug-ga-ling [to put a drunken Namath spin on this] the way they are. And don't give me any of that 'they're hampered by injuries' crap. That's why you draft players in April and sign folks, so they can be called upon at a moment's notice and play at a level befitting a pro. If you can't produce when your number's called, football's not your sport.

But back to the root of this matter, and that root is Coughlin. How in the HELL do you give your young QB of the Future [needs to be N-O-W] a "vote of confidence"? How's THAT supposed to help matters any? With the talent they have actively, on both sides of the ball, I can't see this team missing the playoffs. I can't. Not with Eli, Tiki in his last season, Plax and Shockey on offense. Not with Osi, Antonio and the rest on defense. Not with three games already in hand within the division that they are currently tied with the 'Boys on top of. The same Cowboys who were beaten on Monday night in Texas Stadium a few weeks ago, before these rash of injuries hit and all of a sudden, folks forgot how to win.

And allow me to be clear about something else too. Home field's not optional here, it's MANDATORY. Losing to the Bears and Seahawks was bad enough, because those are two head-to-head tiebreakers the Giants lose if they finish with the same record. So right now, third's about as high as they can finish and that guarantees them at least ONE home game before having to win a possible two on the road if they hope to finish in February in South Beach. But... I'm doubtful.

Hell, with Coughlin, I'm downright skeptical of this happening or even being a remote possibility.

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Something new for you to think about.

Here's something that the NFL could do with their teams that need to man up, as demonstrated by the celebrated New Zealand All Blacks Rugby Squad.

Hell, I think a lot more of you would watch if the Raiders did this complete with taunts after the haka.

I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

To get you in the mood for football today, here's the gayest YouTube video ever. Enjoy!

Oww, my groin!

NFL Films presents "Ow, my Groin!" starring George C. Scott as Jerramy Stephens and Ralph Fiennes as Tyler Brayton.

Say what you want to about Jerramy Stephens' lack of testicles (as judging by the way he ignored that knee to the marble sack), but I take it as proof that the cup isn't entirely dead in professional sports. Either way, Stephens has probably been iced down all week, and we can only hope the next time Tyler Brayton steps onto the football field somebody takes him out at the fucking knees.

I know Jerramy Stephens is a prick (he spells his name Jerramy, for fuck's sake), but there's no excusing that. Punch him if he makes you that mad. Step on his face, Albert Haynesworth. Give him a Zidane flying headbutt. A cheap shot is one thing, but a man does not go after another man's unborn that way. Not without retribution.

Professional sports, in many ways, is a self-policing entity. The league comes down on the unruly players, and more importantly, other players come down on unruly players. The hockey goon protects the weak-sister scoring forward. The fireballer plugs a guy on the other team as a warning to the opposing pitcher. A fat guy whacks a figure skater in the calf with a fold-out baton. Tyler Brayton cannot be sleeping easily at night, because if Jerramy Stephens has one friend in the NFL, then that guy's coming after a certain knee-balling Oakland defender.

Fortunately, I don't think Jerramy Stephens has any friends, so Brayton should be okay. For now.

Fumble Lost

I've lacked in postings for a while. I slacked off. I got sick, I got stressed, I got distracted, and my postings stopped. But in many ways my situation is similar to a lot of NFL teams right now. We're seeing who will step up now when it counts. Which teams can't handle the stress, who are too injured, too beaten down, too far gone that they have no hopes of seeing January. While other teams are stepping up, they have players hurt or gone just like every other team out there, but they have players to fill that void. The struggle is no where near over for many of these teams.

Just like last year, Indy is once again going into Week 9 undefeated. They're once again surrounded by rumors that they'll go all the way to the Super Bowl. But this year they're also surrounded by rumors of doubt. Can they hold out, or will they once again choke when the game really matters? Has Indy changed from last year? Do they deserve the vote of confidence, or should everyone be skeptical of the Colts' chances of actually making it to the Super Bowl? Since they will choke, it's just a matter of when.

Who do you think is stepping up their game? Which teams do you think started off the season strong, but we won't even see come playoff time? Who is faltering? Who is surging? Here's my thoughts on a few teams; let me know what you think.
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An Educational Look at Kellen Winslow II's Statements About His Place in TE History

Good ol' Kellen Winslow II. Dad's talent, ten cent attitude to match. Because if you ask Kellen, he's the best fucking tight end around. That's football tight end, you fucking perverts.

If you ask Kellen, he's the greatest ever. Nobody can touch Kellen Winslow II, because Kellen Winslow II is better than that chump Tony Gonzalez and that has-been Antonio Gates.

Ok, now let me stop bullshitting. Apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks that Two is full of shit, either. According to the press, Gates isn't amused either. Because let's face it, Two; Gates and the Bolts might be missing Roided Out, but you don't give the visitors any extra motivation to stomp a mudhole in your ass for shits and giggles. You don't have to go to this school's advanced theatre classes (That's on purpose, folks) to understand this turnout. You don't even need to do like Ron and I did, where we took advanced college courses because we're too smart for our own good.
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Ocho Cinco Va a Pagar Cinco Mil a NFL Americano

For those who don't speak Spanish, the title means "Eight Five is going to pay five thousand to the NFL."

That's right, our favorite English (now Spanish) strangling Wideout, Chad Johnson, is going to fork over $5K to Roger's office.

After than shaving his beloved blonde mohawk (to which these folks are glad) for not catching the two touchdowns that he promised mockingly to DeAngelo Hall and the Dirty Birds.

Maybe Chad was a little too happy that his former Beaver team plundered the Booty, but he still got schooled by Vick's SexyBack Option and his arm.

At press time, Ocho Cinco is appealing the decision.

For a parting shot, to say your number, you dumb fuck, it's Ochenta y Cinco.

Today's Spanish lesson was brought to you by the Sports Bastards Educational Foundation, in association with TITS. Now, va a chingada tu solo, Chad.