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This is the archive for January 2007

Mitch Mustain's ego released from Arkansas

Seems that Mitch Mustain and his ego-filled family can't take life on an SEC team such as Arkansas. Houston Nutt can't handle whiners, either. So, Houston gave him his walking papers. To which this editor says, good fucking riddance. Seems Mitch found out that he wasn't going to be the man in Arkansas thanks to the legs of Heisman finalist Darren McFadden.

To recap this sorry chronicle, Mitch, Ben Cleveland and Damian Williams were a part of the storied 2005 Springfield High School in Arkansas. It was considered one of the top teams in the nation, along with winning the Arkansas 5A title that year. All three of the players were split in where to go. However, when Arkansas hired their high school coach, Gus Malzahn, as the offensive coordinator, the crew thought they were going to repeat their big men routine at the college level.

However, at Arkansas, the boys learned that Nutt rules the roost, unlike the situation at Alabama... The guys at first berated Nutt slightly. It was even documented in Mustain's book about the 2005 season and going to Arkansas, "The quarterback said Arkansas "would have a better chance of getting me" if Nutt were fired." That's a good way to appease yourself to Hog Nation, isn't it?

Ol' Houston had other plans. In other words, get used to handing off, Mitch. Darren's got more talent than you. Mitch and his boys didn't like it, either. They were a pass offensive. They were the shit, and how dare Nutt do this. Too bad that Nutt didn't care. Mitch and Damian saw themselves benched. Ben got with the program, so he stayed out when they needed him. To top it all, Malzahn ended up losing his authority over the offense.

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tOSU is gonna suck.

Just in from the BS Leader wire. Keep the sharp objects away from your favorite tOSU fans. Ted Ginn Jr. and Antonio Pittman said fuck off to their senior season. Somewhere I see Ron pulling out that Mickey in celebration when he reads the sentence again. That's right, Ron. Ginn, who got hurt on a celebration, is going to the NFL.

The same man who got put out in a dogpile going to the NFL... Holy shit, they'll let anyone in won't they? And Pittman, who supposedly sets the same marks as Archie Griffin and Eddie George with half the manliness. Yeah, he's going too.

They join fellow overrated teammate Troy Smith in the draft. Unlike Troy, they chose to go. Troy, however, had to go because he actually passed underwater basket weaving this year. Sweater Vest might need to start massively paying play... I mean recruit some good players this season. In other words, there might not be another shot at the National Championship for tOSU unless they get in a playoff. Yeah, I see the tOSU flag in that arguement...

Gator Bait...Bitches.

For about 52 days, all I've heard is OSU this and OSU that. Michigan belongs in the National Championship game this and Florida doesn't deserve that. Troy Smith is the Heisman Trophy winner this and the National Title will be a forgone conclusion that. Looks like Florida didn't take too kindly to hearing all of this over the course of the past month and change, because with an emphatic jackslap and tailwhip, they send Troy Smith into Heisman Loserville with other ugluminaries such as Gino Bloretta, Eric Couch, Chris Twinkie and well...a ton of other Heisman clowns who basically followed up the happiest day of their collegiate lives with the worst day of their careers. Oh and before I get into the meat of this rant of mine, couple of things I feel the need to touch on...

A) Enough with the "Big Ten is the toughest conference in football" crap. SEC fans have heard it, Florida heard it and after your conference champion was all but stripped down to its birthday suit with Troy Smith looking worse than Justin Zwick [wonder how many were secretly calling out for him to come in last night], are not impressed. LSU could've and probably would have done it a lot worse, Ohio State was fortunate to have skated through the year as #1.

B) BSU fans, shut up with the whole "we deserve a title shot" crap. No, you do not. The mere fact that you've got a Top 5 ranking [best in school history] is enough and should be. Your school will probably crash back down to reality next season, so enjoy this season for what it was. It's highly doubtful it'll happen again.

C) Troy Smith. Consider this your lucky quarter year. You lucked up by winning the Heisman, basically running it up on a ton of cupcake schools that let you run and throw at will...only to finally be exposed for the fraud you've been all along last night when someone that's running as fast as you are come calling. You're probably going to be the third QB taken in April, your career won't amount to much and at the end of it all, all you're gonna have to show for it are a ton of wins over That Scrimmage Squad Up North [Michigan] and a few schools that rolled over and played dead for you in your bowl wins. Odds are if Adrian Peterson didn't break his collarbone, you're watching him accept that big bronze trophy that resides on your mantle instead of taking it yourself.

D) I think I'll save this point for later. :) On to the main event.
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Florida PWNS Ohio State.

As the lovely Jaime Sue told me over IM, the best way to state this game in plain terms.

Jaime Sue: Since you pretty much own the rights to summarizing the game on SB. You should start it off with how Ohio State started it off right by returning the opening kick-off for a touchdown. And that was the only thing they did right tonight.

Rich Brown: Actually the only thing they did right was showing up without tripping on the field

Rich Brown: After that, it went to hell

As she said, tOSU started good with an opening touchdown. Hell, they even got another touchdown along the way. Then the Florida defense played tighter than the jaw of the mentioned 'gator. In other words, Troy Smith saw the Arizona sky most of the night. Ted Ginn, Jr. saw the sideline on crutches after the 1st Quarter.

In other words, if you were a Buckeyes fan tonight, I'll send some Kleenexes later. Seems the Faustian deal you folks made for tOSU to dominate... It didn't work, guys. Much like Angels in the Outfield, that stuff has to be won on your own with no real spiritual or otherwise help.

The SEC showed why it's still the toughest fucking college conference around. I'm sure the Critic would argue that, but it's not going to be a convincing one at the moment.

So, for posterity, there's no real need to do the blow by blow. ESPN can give you that. If you want accuracy, go to MSNBC, really.

The score.

Florida - 41
tOSU - 14

Expect a cute girl in a Gator shirt soon.

The BCS Dare.

Alright, those of you who've read this site for the past five months should realize how much Ron and I hate tOSU. In fact, we dubbed it the "best damn paid for team in the land, that didn't want to go to USC." I'm still sticking by that insult. In fact, I'm sticking by it so much that I'm going to "man up" in my belief that Troy Smith needs to leave the field via stretcher. Thus the "Fuck Ohio State" bet that I'm having with Amy...

Who is Amy?

Get a room...

Cute, ain't it? I'm getting in my insulin shot looking at that picture. (Be aware that I love her and A-Rock to death, but still... Emotional, I ain't.)

Amy is a pure "Scarlet and whatever fucking colors tOSU decided to pick up along the side of the road" girl. As for me, as much as I insult the SEC/Bubba League, I'm still a Southern boy willing to stand up to this Yankee yapping. It's time for the bet.

If tOSU fucking wins, I get to humiliate myself right here in front of all of you by soiling my body with a fucking tOSU shirt. And folks, I'm tattooed. Trust me, the tats hurt less than wearing that shirt.

If Florida defends the honor of the South, Amy gets to march her cute little ass in front of a camera with a Florida Gators shirt on. (Don't worry, dear, I'll get you a pink one if you need it in that color.)

In other words, kids. You better pray to baby Jesus that Florida wins. I become even more bitter when I lose bets. I'm sure a certain queer webmaster and a couple of Vandy fraternity fags are hoping that day never comes...

Gator Chomp, bitches!

This is not going to end well, for Mario Danelo or anyone else.

Mario Danelo, the smart USC kicker (not the one who can't stay on the team for lack of passing grades), was found dead overnight.

There aren't many details known about it yet, but considering the fact he was found at the bottom of a 120-foot cliff, I doubt this is going to end pleasantly. People don't accidentally leap off the side of a cliff, unless they're completely out of their head on drugs. He is a kicker, and thus may be a drug-loving fool, but this just reeks of suicide, coming so close to the holidays.

I hope I'm wrong.

I damn thee to Alabama!

Well, I may not be able to pick the winner of the World Series, but I know human greed, and Nick Saban is definitely human, and probably anywhere from $35-$40 million dollars richer, thanks to the University of Alabama Crimson Tide.

Like I've said, for $40 million dollars I'd coach football in hell. I guess Coach Nick Saban is the same way. As the lovely and talented Sooze said: Alabama/Hell...Tomato/Tomahto. Enjoy coaching in Tomahto, Nick!

Speaking truth to power

There are two arguments against a playoff system that the average sports fan can believe. One of them is money; the other one is this. For the linkaphobic, that’s Boise State 43, Oklahoma 42.

Suffice it to say, this game was special from the opening kickoff. Boise State ripped off 14 points in 30 seconds, fought off an 18-point 4th quarter effort from the Sooners, shook off a potentially game-losing interception with a miracle touchdown off a lateral from Drisan James to Jerald Rabb, then smacked the vaunted Oklahoma Sooners square in the mouth with a two-point conversion in overtime to pull off a Balboa-style upset of Bob Stoops and Norman.

Just how good was this game? I got chills from just reading the Deadspin entry where commenters gathered to talk about the game. I got CHILLS from OTHER PEOPLE talking about a game that I had already watched. I can say, without a doubt, this is the best college football game I’ve ever seen, and I’m including the 2003 Miami/Ohio State Tostitos Fiesta Bowl tilt from 2001, the 2006 USC/Texas Rose Bowl, and this year’s incredible Chick-fil-A Bowl between Georgia and Virginia Tech.

A hook and ladder play, a Statue of Liberty play, and a halfback option from the backup QB, all in the same game. Two last-second touchdowns. A two-point conversion in overtime. An after-game marriage proposal from the game-winning (and pro-knitting) wideout Ian Johnson and head cheerleader/girlfriend Chrissy Popadics that was basically ruined by Chris Myers. This game had it all.

It doesn’t matter who wins the national championship, because this is the game of the year. I don’t see anything out there that can possibly top this.

"The Million Dollar Man," Nick Saban

Nick Saban has $15 million dollars left on his deal with the Miami Dolphins, so it only makes sense that Alabama, in their desire to land a big-name, successful college coach who knows the SEC and can recruit and win in the SEC, offers Nick Saban $40 million dollars.

I understand in a world of mercenary coaches that more money is usually the answer, but if Saban and Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga are as close as they seem to be, what makes anyone thing that Saban is interested in the rebuilding process when, in the NFL, he can just buy success? Well, I guess you could buy success at Alabama (again), like they do at USC and Ohio State, but it's easier to do in the pros, and you generally have more money to spend.

$40 million dollars is a lot of money. I don't see how that kind of money doesn't talk, but maybe Nick is going to get a nice phat raise in the off-season once "Smokey Smoke" Ricky Williams comes back from Canada and passes a piss test. Or maybe he finds the backfield of a healthy Daunte "Fumbles" Culpepper, a sober Ricky Williams, and Ronnie Brown a potent combination (a-la the Saints of Brees, McAllister, and Bush).

All I know is that for $40 million dollars, I'd coach football in Hell.