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This is the archive for January 2007

Prison Blues vs Orange Jumpsuits: Revenge of the Tinkler!

Okay kids, there's a problem with the Official Scoreboard. Terrence Kiel got arrested for pissing in public (yet another athlete with a case of the tinkles, like Martin Truex, Jr. and Dontrelle Willis) outside of the strip club. By my count that makes it 10-6 in favor of the Bengals this season.

HOWEVER, this apparently this is the 8th Chargers arrest since April. Now, I know I just started at the beginning of training camp, but should I go back and count it from January 1, 2006, until after the Super Bowl? That'd make it 11-8 Bengals, not an insurmountable deficit but still a good cushion. What do you guys think I should do?

Check the scoreboard before deciding.

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Al Davis is no longer human...

So, Al Davis introduced his new slave forced to obey head coach, former USC Assistant Lane Kiffin. However, Lane should know one thing that the Sports Bastards have discovered after many nights of drinking tequila much research. As this picture will show you...

Oh Dear Christ!

Al Davis is a lich. That's right, according to many in the Raiders organization, Al originally ceased humanity when they won the Super Bowl back in the 1983 season. Art Shell discovered this the first time in 1995, and he was willingly fired. Art then decided to deal with the devil again. The second time, he found the phylactery.

Now Lane Kiffin will have to hope that he doesn't fall into the Art Shell trap. Of course, it was rumored that former Al Davis discovery, Jon Gruden, offered him his number and a good shop in Oakland for detect evil and dispel scrolls.

(Disclaimer: Don't take this too seriously. Picture is from Deadspin. If you really think Al is a lich, keep it between fellow D and D geeks. If you're from the Raiders organization, we did promise not to reveal your name...)

Prison Blues vs Orange Jumpsuits: Piling on!

I sat on the story of Bengals cornerback Johnathan Joseph being arrested for a few days because I wasn’t sure whether it should count for this season (since we haven’t had the Super Bowl yet) or next season (since the Bengals’ season has been over since January 1). I ultimately decided, after consulting with the other Sports Bastards, that this pot arrest counts for this year, and any further arrests up to and until the day after the Super Bowl will count towards this season.

That’s Cincinnati’s 10th total arrest, compared to only 5 arrests for the Chargers, the NFL’s second most arrested team. Looks like when Rush Limbaugh said that today’s NFL games resemble a fight between the Crips and Bloods without the weapons, he was talking specifically to the Bengals and the Chargers, except for the fact that both these teams almost as well-armed as Tank Johnson and as high as Michael Vick every time they take the field.

As always, the up-to-date scoreboard is below the cut, even though at this point the scoreboard is as unnecessary as a Reggie Bush gymnastics exhibition.

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Damn Ma.

I don't blame Brady for losing last night in Indy, even though his 'what the hell was on his mind' game-ending INT shouldn't have been thrown, even in Madden 07 on Rookie, I don't blame him. I blame my mom.


Yeah, I do. See, a few years ago I told my mom in no uncertain terms that there was a greater chance of me being married for the first time than there was of her being married for a second. In Vegas, I'd have put money on this being truth everyday of the week and 40 times on Sunday. Link this to Peyton's performing in clutch situations. No way, no how, he beats Brady in the playoffs. Not EVEN with a 21-3 deficit staring him and the Colts right in the face. But... here's what hit me.

On Friday night, I found out my mom's engaged to be married in August.

Last night, the Colts did the absolute unthinkable and sent the Pats home for the second consecutive year before the Super Bowl without a ring. So I tip my hat to Peyton, because simply put, he showed not only did he have a backbone, he showed the world that maybe he just needed home field against the right team in order to finally get over that hump.
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While Michael Vick won't face criminal charges for possibly possessing marijuana, there are some things that need to be said -- even if it wasn't really Mary Jane in that hidden compartment of his water bottle. And no one could do a better job of summing that up than SNL did this weekend on Weekend Update. Enjoy!

He Had To Wait Didn't He?

"By the same token, I’m sure a Giants fan like Len would want The Tuna back in New Jersey as the Giants coach once more, since Tom Coughlin’s a disaster in the making."- Ron, a little under a week ago.

So I'm sitting at home today, flipping back and forth between “Cold Pizza” and playing “Smackdown Vs. Raw 2007’ getting amped about beating on Rey "I Rode Eddie Guerrero's Dead Name To A World Title I Shouldn't Have Had" Mysterio when I heard that the Tuna's walking. No "If I can't shop for the groceries" spiel, just walking away because he couldn't get along with the hired gun ole Jerry Jones brought into town to play the role of Michael Irvin, which Terrell owens failed at that this year with 18 drops to how many TD catches?

I guess failure is the unofficial word of the day. Tuna was brought back to restore the luster of the most famous star in all of sports and did NOT DO IT. The man's got a longer playoff drought win-wise than Marty and that's saying a LOT. But as the quote up there so eloquently stated and perhaps why I'm pissed [even moreso than my dawg Brady imploding in Indy last night, at least I can thank him for doing ONE thing right] is that
he waited until AFTER the Giants gave He Who Can't Coach Intelligently a
year extension he did absolutely NOTHING to deserve.

I know what most of you are probably thinking. Why would I choose Parcells over Coughlin, when the Cowboys basically did the exact same thing the Giants did this year, only later in the year? Simple. Because the formula, as it stands right now, is in place for the Giants to recapture the NFC. Parcells would know how to work with Eli and keep Plax, Shockey and the rest of the motor mouth basticos in neutral, while maximizing the most out of what's already there. Hell, I'd even go as far to say that if Parcells coached San Diego this year, they'd be in the Super Bowl right now.

With Merriman playing the role of L.T., Rivers as a much younger Phil Simms, LaDainian Tomlinson as what Joe Morris never was, and Gates as a vastly more talented Mark Bavaro, the Bolts would be primed for a Super Bowl win in about 13 days time. But enough about the what-ifs, let's talk about the 'what now' for the 'Boys and what happened this year that led to Parcells pulling an "Abandon ship! We're taking on water!"
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The hills are alive... with the sound of retirement.

So long, farewell, auf widersehen, goodbye to coach Bill Parcells, who has finally decided he’s had enough of the T.O. media circus and is getting out while he can with his sanity intact. Smartest move he’s made all year, and that includes finally benching Drew Bledsoe for Tony Romo.

While I feel bad that Parcells is going out like he is after Tony Romo’s strangulation job, the time’s right. Another year of not talking about The Player and I think ol’ Tuna’s head would’ve melted. Heh, tuna melt.

The writing was on the wall. Parcells was slowly but surely headed for a Mora esque breakdown of epic proportions and there was no way Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was going to give up the T.O. publicity for a change at actually winning football games. Time to hire a new puppet coach, not like it matters. Everyone knows this is Jerry’s show, and it doesn’t matter who poses on the sidelines with a clipboard.

Hmmm… stands there with a clip board, doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move… either Jerry Jones is going to have to get Art Shell back to ‘patrol’ the sidelines, or he’s going to make Drew Bledsoe the NFL’s first player/coach. Both of them fit the criteria Jones had in mind when he picked Dave Campo a few years ago, and neither one of them will interfere with Jones’ running of the football club by doing something pesky like coaching or wanting to make personnel decisions.

Concerning the Indianapolis/Patriots game

[19:37] Ron: And Ron writes "Game Over" in his notebook
[19:37] Chris: Haha
[19:38] Ron: 4th and 6 and you can't get a stop?

[time lapse]

[19:52] Ron: So, think I can safely turn the football game off since I've already written 'game over' in my notebook?
[19:52] Chris: Yeah, the notebook is final
[19:52] Chris: Now its Obama V Billy B. Hobo

Time to go see what "The Simpsons" are up to.

Edit-10:22 PM EST: Well, that was fun. As Bill Simmons would say ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the Brady Face. Kenny Chesney is getting some awesome head tonight, because Peyton learned how to not choke.

The AFC/NFC Championship Predictions thread

So last week was a pretty successful week for Jaime Sue and Len, who lead the SportsBastards crew in NFL playoff predictions. Of course, I bet you she’d trade her lead in this race for a Chargers win, but what Chargers fan wouldn’t sacrifice a couple homeless people at the altar of Belichick for a playoff win or two? By the same token, I’m sure a Giants fan like Len would want The Tuna back in New Jersey as the Giants coach once more, since Tom Coughlin’s a disaster in the making. As for Ron, the token Bengals fan, I’d like it if my team didn’t get arrested so damn much.

The Parcells tree has strong roots, folks. Don’t let the mediocrity of Tony Romo Homo and the Cowboys fool you, that’s not Bill’s fault. That’s all Jerry Jones.

Anyway, let’s go to Mo for the leaderboard! Mo!

The Leaderboard

Jaime Sue: 3-1
Len: 3-1
Ron: 2-2
Rich: 2-2
Jade: 2-2
Spinler: 2-2

New England Patriots vs. Indianapolis Colts
Ron: I’m just not feeling New England right now. The one damning failure of the Belichick era over the last few years is the lack of depth in the defensive backfield. Given the fragility of Rodney Harrison, this has been pretty glaring. Add in Tom Brady’s streaky play as of late, Indy’s sudden resurgence, and the fact that this isn’t outdoors and the Colts are going to take this one.
Jaime Sue: Colts
Rich: Colts
Jade: Patriots
Spinler: Patriots

New Orleans Saints vs. Chicago Bears
Ron: New Orleans suffers a second self inflicted disaster as Hurricane Ditka leads the Bears to an easy victory up in the frozen north. Seriously, move out of the dome and play some real football, and maybe next year you could knock off the Bears, but playing at Soldier Field in January? Yeesh. Maybe the boosters who put Reggie Bush’s parents up in that million dollar home can boost him some long johns and earmuffs.
Jaime Sue: Saints
Rich: Saints
Jade: Bears
Spinler: Saints

As always, add your predictions below and get in on the fun as we all get beaten by a girl.

The Rule...Homefield...No Way They Lose Sunday...

Right? I mean, seriously, it has to end at some point doesn't it? The Colts played about as bad as they could on Saturday. Let's not forget the fact that Billick probably outcoached himself not running enough against the Charmin soft Indy D, but yet the Colts escaped. That, on top of the Pats winning against the Not So Super Chargers, means we get the Colts and Pats one time for the great time in Indy.

What probably won't be mentioned by most media outlets is that this is the first postseason meeting that these two teams have had since the infamous 20-3 romp in Foxboro where Peyton and the rest of the Colts cried and bitched until the NFL made a rule prohibiting contact with receivers after the first 5 yards. A rule which was supposed to enable teams like the Colts to thrive and win Super Bowls, but damn. Let's not forget that whole "Defense Wins Championships" credo.

It just hasn't failed yet. Which brings us back to what I mentioned in the title. Everything short of the refs wearing Colt jerseys this Sunday are in place for the Colts to FINALLY reach their first Super Bowl since the Roman numerals were in single damn digits. Hell, it
would be the first time since the team moved to Indy, and the first time since Shula walked the sidelines.

All told, for all that's really going FOR Indy. There's one thing going solidly against them. Greatness. The Pats have it. Belichick has it in terms of gameplanning when it counts. Brady has it in terms of winning when it counts. Hell, if you're believing that one kick solidifies this, the rookie kicker they got for Vinatieri is developing it. People will tell me in no uncertain terms that since the last playoff meeting, the Colts have had NE's number. No arguing that.

But tell me, did the Colts win the Lamar Hunt Trophy for winning those two regular season games? Cause if they didn't, then it's a moot point. The Pats are gonna be favorites, because they've been there and done that. Oh and the last time the Pats visited Indy...the Pats won in the regular season. The Pats haven't lost a conference title game in their franchise's history. The Colts are 1-3.

At this time of the year, you don't bet against Belichick and Brady. If you don't believe me, just ask Tomlinson and the Bolts. Provided LDT stops bitching about how classless the Pats are to answer.

LaDainian Tomlinson must be having his monthlies.

So, in the wake of the San Diego Chargers/New England Patriots debacle, in which the wise and wonderful SB commentator Jade said, “(A)s a Patriots fan, I must thank each and every one of them (The Chargers). We put on probably our shittiest postseason performance ever, but your guys managed to save the day for us,” the hot talk seems to be on the impending demise of the coaching career (in San Diego) of one Marty Schottenheimer. Word on the street is he’s going to be shit-canned, and rightfully so.

Now, the Critic says that the loss wasn’t Marty’s fault. After all, he hasn’t played professional football in over 36 years, so he wasn’t the one out there making stupid penalties, being a dumbass, and strangling under pressure. Unfortunately for the Critic, I disagree, because the Chargers’ problems stem from problems with, you guessed it, coaching. And for once, by ‘coaching’ I don’t mean Marty Ball.

Click the cut as I break this down, Telestrator-style, and spread the hate where it belongs.

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I fucking HATE Nate Kaeding!

That’s it! I officially fucking hate Nate Kaeding. I don’t give a damn if he wins 16 Super Bowl rings, kicking the game winner in each of them. Hell, and this may sound a bit much, but right now if he was to get injured and never able to play again, I’d jump for joy.

This has been the second fucking time in three years (and in two consecutive Playoff trips) that Nate Kaeding missed a fucking game winning Field-Goal. A note to you, Nate…you get paid to make kicks- so fucking make them!
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Barry The Snitch And Da Game Of The...Postseason.

Gonna start this one out with my thoughts on Barry The Snitch Bitch Bonds, because after what he has just pulled, it'd be remiss of me not to unload on this roided freak with both barrels.

First off, let me start out by saying that there's a reason that no other team in the majors other than the San Fran Midgets signed this clown in the offseason. Damn great reason at that. He's a cancer in the locker room that actually carries the distinction of making T.O. seem like one of the coolest cats on the planet by comparison. I mean, say what you will about T.O., but even HE wouldn't stoop as low as this spinally challenged bastard did. Fails a test for amphetamines and even though he's not going to be hit with any punishment. Thanks to Bud Idiot and that strict policy of MLB. He still has enough heart to say he got the smoking gun from Mark Sweeney's locker. Uh...yeah.

We'll believe that about as quickly as we will believe that George Dummy Bush's plan to send over 20,000 more troops will bring about a quick resolution in the War on Drugs...err Oil, err, Terrorism (may as well be the War on Drugs, there's not a victory to be seen for miles and miles). But anyway, I will say this about Bonds. Even IF he breaks the home run record this season or next, he shouldn't be allowed into Cooperstown.

I mean, it's painfully obvious that much like with Big Roided Mac, Bonds hasn't exactly been clean (not Clear, but clean mind you) during his pursuit of the mark. If I gave you two pictures of Bonds, one picture from his days in Pittsburgh where he practically resembled my current frame ,and I'll give another picture of him in San Fran where he all but inflated to gigantic proportions, I'm daring someone to tell me that's not 'roids flare-up. I'm daring someone to tell me that he's been knocking balls into the Bay on natural power alone.

My main point being, if they can keep Pete Rose out for doing nothing other than gambling on baseball and lying about it [Which he confessed to at long last and for that, he should be commended.]while being Baseball's All Time Hit King...why should they let in a Snitch who tried to throw his teammate on the tracks in front of the Bullet Train and a guy who basically pulled the biggest "Next question..." before Drew Rosenhaus did. Only McRoid did it in front of Congress. But enough about this, time to talk football.
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Divisional Playoff Picks

Personally I was 3-1 in my playoff picks for the first week, but we're a little behind here at SB. So, for Official Bastard Bragging Rights (OBBR).

You'll find the SB crew's (at least the ones I surveyed) picks below. Add your own in comments and I'll edit them into the post. Then we'll see who now through the Super Bowl comes out on Top. And we'll come up with a tie-breaker for Super Bowl XLI.

New England Patriots vs. San Diego Chargers
Jaime Sue: That team that isn't the New England Patriots that Jaime Sue won't mention. (Ron Edited in the correct name above for that team.)
Ron: New England Patriots
Rich: The SupahChargers
Jade: Patriots
Len: Patriots
Spinler: Chargers win 21-20 with Gostkowski missing a potentially winning field goal late, making all Pats fans wish they had Vinateri still.

Baltimore Ravens vs. Indianapolis Colts
Jaime Sue: Indianapolis Colts
Ron: Baltimore Colts Ravens
Rich: Baltimore. Peyton will get bent into positions that Kenny Chesney didn't think of.
Jade: Baltimore
Len: Ravens
Spinler: Ravens 24-17 over the Colts.

New Orleans Saints v. Philadelphia Eagles
Jaime Sue: As much as I love the Eagles, I have to pick the Saints.
Ron: Philly, Jeff Garcia is playing too well and the Saints have never even sniffed the playoffs.
Rich: Saints - God's team vs. God's team?!! Sorry Philly, I hope Jeff keeps the starter job, but let the Saints march to the Championship game.
Jade: Eagles
Len: Saints
Spinler: Saints 42-24 over the Eagles.

Chicago Bears v. Seattle Seahawks

Jaime Sue: Chicago Bears
Ron: Da Bears, but only if Hurricane Ditka doesn't show up.
Rich: Bears - Bye Seacunts. Don't let Urlacher hurt you too bad and don't let Hester burn you too bad. Da Bears win!
Jade: Bears
Len: Bears
Spinler: Bears win 9-7 with Brian Griese leading the Bears to the winning FG late after Grossman throws a pick-6 to Seattle.

A Repugnant End To A Repugnant Season.

It's all Coughlin, all the time today people. I'm pissed. Legitimately and righteously pissed as I type this right now. I'm not pissed at the fact that the Eagles with Fruitbooty Garcia at QB beat us for the second time in 4 weeks. Well...okay, I'm really really ticked about that. I'm not even the least bit pissed that the Giants played well from what I did get to see, but are still going home for an early Winter break.

Going back to their Super Bowl campaign seven years ago, they haven't advanced out of the Wild Card round since Kerry Collins was at QB and Fassel Fuel was flowing through this offense. Food for thought people. Anyway, I'm past pissed about the stupid penalties from a team that's supposed to be coached by one of the staunchest disciplinarians in the NFL. That's like being pissed because the baby hasn't quite figured out how to use the potty yet, despite constant efforts to teach the rugrat. He'll learn in due time, but I digress. I'm pissed for the following reasons...
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Mangini working his way to eventual Pantheon-hood.

Well, it seems that Mangini has figured out the ultimate way for his New York J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS to man up. He's going to have another QB challenge. Of course, we all know that Chad Pennington won last year's challenge and got them all the way to Foxborough, MA. While losing to the Pats, the Jets went for a longer season that most expected.

What does this prove to the NFL? That Mangenius is quite batshit nuts like his mentors, Parcells and Belichick. In fact, if the Parcells family of coaches were like Star Wars, (Parcells being Yoda, of course) Mangini is making his own ranks as Obi-Wan Kenobi to Belichick's Darth Vader. But I'm getting too geekish.

Mangini will line up the competition yet again with Chad Pennington vs. Kellen Clemens. To quote from Chad: "One thing I have learned over the past seven years is that you are not guaranteed anything in this league," Pennington said. "No matter what has happened in the past, it does not guarantee a future. What I am guaranteed is another opportunity to show what I can do and to lead this team. I feel confident in that."

Mangini has been known to say that every season, the Jets are 0-0. Which means for him, the whole team has to start fresh. However, it will be without Curtis Martin. Considering that Curtis stayed around to mentor the two RB candidates, Leon Washington and Cedric Houston, next year will be fierce with that competition.

I wonder how long before the rest of the NFL actually listens to Mangenius on this aspect...

First NFL Arrest of 2007 -- and It's Not a Bengal!

Note: I didn't write this, but I thought I'd share it with ya'll anyway. All credit goes to

Will wonders never cease? A pro football player was arrested early New Years Day and he didn't play for Cincinnati. (Then again, if you found out he played for the Vikings, would that surprise you?) In custody is Minnesota wide receiver Travis Taylor who got into a scuffle with cops early Monday morning. According to police, Taylor refused to get into his waiting limo as officers were trying to disperse a large unruly crowd so an AMBULANCE COULD GET THROUGH. At that point they say he began pushing the officer and eventually that cop had to use a Taser to subdue Taylor, who called the incident, ". . . a misunderstanding and an unfortunate situation." He was booked charges of fifth-degree assault, disorderly conduct and interfering with pedestrian or vehicular traffic, all misdemeanors. (Fox Sports)

The End of an Era in Pittsburgh

It's going to be official. Bill "The Chin" Cowher is going to ride off into the sunset for at least this year, as is reported by the man with the serial killer smirk. He calls it retirement. I'll call it like I see it. It's holding out for a team that'll pay for that gigantic chin and the ego that comes with it. So, let's remind you the viewer why Bill's retiring.

The Offensive Line

All the hot fans that double as the offensive line...

Of course, there's more...
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Nice guys do finish first

2006 NFL MVP

LaDainian Tomlinson was named the AP Most Valuable Player of the Year, today. This should come as no surprise to anyone after LT's amazing breakaway season. What also shouldn't make anyone's jaw drop is the fact that he recieved 44 out of 50 votes for the honor. He kept breaking record after record this year, pretty much any time he touched the ball. First he broke Shaun Alexander's league record for touchdowns scored in a single season. Then he took away another record from Alexander, last year's MVP, for the most single season rushing touchdowns. And as if he needed to give anymore reasons for people to choose him as MVP, he broke Paul Hornung's record for the most points scored in a single season.

But I think the best thing about choosing LT as MVP, besides the fact he is an amazing running back, is that he probably is one of the nicest guys in football. If all athletes acted and behaved like LT, it would be a disappointment for us here at Sports Bastards because it would force us to only talk about what happened in the game. But, well done to a guy who probably has a slice of humble pie every morning for breakfast.

Detroit can't even lose right

Continuing with Detroit's driving dream and goal to forever be the worst franchise in the NFL for all of eternity, they fired their defensive coordinator, Donnie Henderson, after their abysmal 3-13 season. In my opinion, the defense was the least of the massive list of problems for the team who only had to lose to secure the first draft pick for 2007 and even managed to fuck that up.

Detroit continues to prove why they can't even bother to lose right. While I am never one to encourage losing on purpose, I surely think that in Detroit's case they should have considered it.

Adding insult to injury, Lions GM Natt Millen assures everyone that no matter how bad the team does. he has no intentions of ever quitting and he'll be around for time to come now. Despite the fact that he is far more the problem for the Lions franchise than their defensive coordinator was.

And despite the fact the Lions still have already recieved the second pick in the draft, they'll probably manage to even fuck that up because right now the Lions are a team that can't seem to do anything right. They'll probably make an error in selecting their first round draft pick much in the same fashion that the Texans did with Mario Williams.

So this writer's prediction for the Lion's season next year? Without drastic changes we'll see the Lions once again way below a .500 season, with a team record of 4-12 at best.

"Domanick" is the part of the name I would have changed.

Domanick Davis, fresh off of failing to ruin my fantasy season by getting put on injured reserve (I got third place, despite starting the platoon of Tiki Barber and Brandon Jacobs) has decided that a new year deserves a new beginning. So he's cut off his braids and changed his name to Domanick Williams. Unfortunately for Domanick Davis/WIlliams/Max Power, that new name comes with the same gimpy knee.

Playoffs?! You Rantin' About Playoffs?!

Okay, so that was just a wee bit of a low blow for the Mora clan since the Son of Moron... I mean Mora, was given his Pink Slip for New Year's. Hey Jim, here's a hint. Next time your daddy calls the face of the franchise a "Coach Killer", learn how to agree to disagree. Your job might depend on it.

Fact of the matter is, that aside, the Falcons weren't really THAT bad this season. Talentwise, they've got the pieces in place but that little 'something' just didn't click for them. Of course, with the coach agreeing with his unemployed dad about the QB being a Coach Obliterator [yeah, I went Skip Bayless there for a minute] didn't help matters much with team morale. Especially Vick's. Now what folks fail to realize about Michael Vick is this.

- He's the FIRST [as in the ONLY GUY IN NFL HISTORY] to win a playoff game in Lambeau in the modern era.
- A few years earlier, he took the Falcons to within a game of the Super Bowl.

So between then and now, when did he all of a sudden become "incapable of winning on the big stage"? Oh and Moron Sr., when he was doing all of this for your son in his rookie year at the helm, was he a "Coach Killer" then?

Do us all a favor and take your, let me restate that, NONACHEIVING ASS and shut the hell up. When you do something of relevance within the NFL, then you can talk about QBs being a "Coach Killer". I mean, this man had a vastly talented Saints team in the late 80s/early 90s and did diddly poo with them. Franchise didn't win a single playoff game and let's not go into his reign with the Colts when they really were the Dolts as I so aptly call them. But aside from that before I get into the meat of this, I've got two other things I wanna touch on and hell, I'll just tie them together since they're kinda one in the same.

First off, there's Denny Green. Guess ole Denny's kinda useless without three extremely good to great receivers and an offense that can basically blow up the scoreboard and a so so defense. Thanks for coming, try not to hit anything on your way out of 'Zona.

As for Nick Saban, let me try to put this as bluntly as I can. S-T-A-Y P-U-T. I disagree with people who say that his NFL run has been an abject failure, because that's bull. Abject failure would be what Spurrier did in Washington or what Holtz did with the Jets before he returned to college in the late 70s. There is NOTHING about Saban's stay in Miami which would indicate he's failed. Were the hopes a little TOO lofty coming into the year? Yeah. They're not THAT good people. So now that everyone's got egg on their faces for making a prediction that was a bit off to begin with, now they're calling Saban a failure. Saban waited too long to make the QB change that ended up turning the year around and even after that, this team has shown it's not too far away from making a return to the playoffs. But the question becomes, can Saban avoid the temptation of returning to what figures to be a lose-lose really hard and fast situation in Tuscaloosa and stick around to prove people wrong in Miami? Anyway, onto the picks...
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Okay, you're probably all hung over. I know most of you started your drinking at lunch yesterday and kept right on rolling until the ball dropped. I don't blame you, it's what New Year's Eve is for. Now you've woken up in bed next to a fat chick with a lazy eye, you've got blood all over you, and your mouth tastes like an ashtray full of shit. We've all been there.

So, to make your day better, here's a clip of Bryant Bumble Gumble burping up Fuzzy Navel through his nose on the NFL Network's Redskins/Giants game. Enjoy!

Remember, you can wash off stink, but you can't wash off shame.

Darrent Williams (September 27, 1982 – January 1, 2007)

According to ESPN, Broncos CB Darrent Williams has been prounced dead as of 3 am MST. He was killed in a drive-by shooting outside of a Denver nightclub. Right now, only Williams and another of his entourage have been declared as such. His other guests are still in the care of the hospital.

No motive has been established yet. The police are trying to talk to any of the club goers, but are expecting no real leads immediately. Darrent was at the club after the 26-23 loss to the 49ers earlier Sunday. It's said that his white limo was assailed by another vehicle that opened fire indiscriminately at the limo.

Williams was 24 years old. A senseless death to start the new year...

EDIT from Ron: Check out Javon Walker the morning after the shooting and presumably spending all night in the police station. The expression on his face and the bloodstains on his shirt tell more about that man's New Year's than any police report.