Alright, I guess if Bill Simmons can slack off on his favorite column, I can mine, right? Don't worry, I'm going to make it well worth your wait, trust me. :) I find it's kinda funny that we are just weeks away from Thanksgiving and we're looking at just four unbeaten teams. Two from the "Traditional Power" part of the country, two from the "Affirmative Action" part of the country. Alright, yours truly is going to go through this one time for the great time. Give you each team, why they should be playing for the National Title and why they inevitably will or won't be. Fun, right? Oh, I feel the need to offer a solution to the present BCS quandry and it doesn't involve a "playoff" for this reason...
It doesn't need one. The regular season is playoff enough for teams. Why do you think teams like Ohio State are so petrified of scheduling the Broncos From The Blue Lagoon or Horny Toads From Texas Christian? Because they can't handle a possible loss from one of those teams, then have to deal with possibly running the table within their own conference. (Multiply this next year with newly rejuvenated Nebraska coming into the mix next season.) So...let's make with the solution, shall we? Top 10 teams, get BCS consideration. By that I'm talking from the Orange to the Rose, Sugar to Los Fiestas. Top two teams (in this instance, Oregon and Auburn), play for the title. Now if we factor in the "Plus One", the Boise State/TCU rematch would be for the right to play the winner of Oregon/Auburn. Just to put a UFC touch on it, the Boise/TCU winner would be deemed the "Interim National Champion" who would face Oregon/Auburn winner for the right to be crowned the BCS Naitonal Champion.
It is official...Boise State's a legitimate power.
No, screw this whole "Boise State's the Gonzaga of the BCS" shit. We're past that. Oh wait, I need to rewind a smidge. Why am I writing all of this about a team that even if it runs the table ala OU last year, they won't get a BCS Title game appearance or even (feasibly) a BCS Bowl game in spite of winning every time it has gotten the call? Because of what Boise State AD did that nobody's taking him up on.
Okay, you're Boise State. You're a perennial power who has emerged as a school with more than just Blue Turf. You're putting up points like no one's business, you won the Orange Bowl a few years ago with the Statue Of Liberty. Yes, they won a bowl game beating one of the most storied programs in FBS history with a GIMMICK PLAY!!! Since then, aside from Utah, they've been consistently cracking the BCS Circle Jerk and knocking off whomever's in front of them. Earlier this year, they put the wood to possible Pac-10 Champion Oregon. A loss that hit one of the Ducks so hard, he felt the need to deck a BSU player in the jaw after the fact. So, with next year's non-conference schedule filled in with dates against Oregon State and Virginia Tech (yes, Beamer Ball against Blue Ball, bet this won't be on ESPN next year :P)...2011's wide open. So, Boise State AD Gene Bleymaier has basically laid down this edict to any school within the 50 states.
Schedule us and we'll come to you. You don't have to come to Boise in 2012, we come to you in 2011.
Personally, I would've used "I Believe I Can Fly," but that might be a little bit cliche at this point. Still, the multiple angles and multiple replays of Golden Tate's game-winning touchdown/flying cross body block on the horn section of the Michigan State band is very, very impressive. As impressive is the fact that the band didn't even bother getting out of the way.
Sometimes you just have to take the hit for Sparty, isn't that right, woodwinds?
Well, it's September, so you know what time it is...
Goldie Hawn: Football.
Yes, it's the LeGarrette Blount Edition of my Football Preview and I say his name because it's gonna hit you smack in your jaw and drop ya. :) I like that, I think I'm going with that for my basketball preview in a month (which I'm drooling over typing in advance, but also dreading because it'll mean I'm a month away from Winter, which blows). Alright, since Blount went all Tyson with poor Bryce being Bitch Green, let's go College first. Firstly, let me point out how much I absolutely LOVE the love Rutgers is getting in print as possible Big East Champions this year. (Give me 72 hours max before I'm flat out cursing it, depends on what they do Labor Day afternoon against Cincy, the only other Big East school that has troubled RU since its rise a few years ago.) I know that nobody other than myself and those in Piscataway even cares about the Big East, so I won't cover that here. I will get to the other conferences in order of not just importance, but who I feel will probably stand the best shot of dethroning the Gators in January.
Something tells me that if she'd fried that lizard first, it would have been gone in the first two seconds of the tape. Still, that's an impressive display of, uh... something horrible. Auburn fans everywhere are positively vomiting with pride.
Ketchup and Mountain Dew makes everything edible, apparently.
Auburn University had a bad year this year, culminating with a humiliating loss to Alabama in the Iron Bowl. This coming after six straight wins over Alabama, guess it had to end sometime. So you figure, Tommy Tuberville who has had more good years than down in his tenure at AU, steps down. Maybe he resigned, perhaps he was forced out. Either way, he's gone. Now you figure, this isn't Auburn Tech or Auburn A & M scrapping to get the local station's attention in terms of national exposure. This is Auburn University we're talking about. Member of the SEC, which last time I checked, has a television contract with The Big Eye network. They were unbeaten four years ago and aren't exactly struggling to get recruits. Point being, this school shouldn't have a problem finding a SUITABLE replacement for Tommy Tuberville.
I mean, Tennessee got Lane Kiffin who came from the Pete Carroll coaching tree. Hell, his daddy's one of the best defensive coordinators in the NFL and he's coming too. Rocky Top found itself a suitable replacement for Phillip Fulmer, whose voice just got dimmer after its national title. Go fig. Okay, back to Auburn. Auburn's got a great facility, but more than that, it has a rising power in Alabama. It has Nick Saban, who ran the table during the regular season with what most experts are calling his least talented team in Tuscaloosa. So to counter this, you need a coach who can go into homes and go toe to toe with the likes of Nick Saban.
Auburn, with its resources and the like...turn to Gene Chizik. (Crickets chirp.) Yes, Gene Chizik. For those of you unaware, Gene Chizik was the head man at Iowa State. The very same Chizik who "coached up" the Cyclones to 10 straight losses to close out the 2008 season. (Crickets stop chirping.) The very same Chizik who went 5-19 in two years as head man as...(Crickets are trampled by angry Auburn boosters.) Uhm, yeah. This guy is the new head man, but wait. Apparently he was the defensive coordinator for the aforementioned 2004 team and just one year later, had the defense which short circuited OU and USC en route to a national title. So alright, he's a great defensive coordinator. So what can we safely conclude? From the two seasons he spent as a coordinator, compared to his two as a coach, he's more than capable calling a game from the box rather than the sideline. Iowa State if nothing else, is probably glad they won't have to fire this slug. They can turn their attention towards someone who can lift their beleagured program from the dregs of the Big XII North, while Auburn has to hope and pray that with a better roster, Chizik can prove everyone wrong. Sometimes you find yourself asking 'what were they thinking' with some moves. I ask...
Phillip Fudd... I mean, Fulmer not coming back to U of Tennessee
First the story from Chris Low...
ESPNis link
The Tennessean (NashVegas)
The Local from Nashville
The Knoxville News Sentinel
From UT Land
Now what does this mean to you. If you're a Tennessee Homer, it's the end of an era. But it is what it is... Fulmer is sick and tired. He's been for a good while, since the expectations went up since the National Title. However, if you're a college football person who's outside of the state, it's the end of the SEC old guard.
Fulmer's reign is dead... Long live Fulmer's reign. Now, we begin the ridiculous talks of Jon Gruden and Will Muschamp to Tennessee...
So, the BCS has come out for all to digest. Hope you folks have the Rolaids and Tums ready, because this gets a bit hard to swallow after number 3.
Now, it's always been universally known that some pencil necked geek or some fat fuck is sitting in front of the computer around Myles Brand's dungeon at NCAA HQ. In fact, it's pretty much who you curse when you decide to curse the system and want to switch to a playoff system. Or at least hope that Bob Knight does the right thing and chokes the old fuck for firing him at Indiana...
So, here's the top four colleges for the major two bowls, so far. And another reason we might be considering a playoff. The NAIA does it. Why can't you, NCAA?
Now, do I completely understand why the ref didn't just run out of the way? No. I mean, that's what I would've done if it were me, if only because I would be a ref and not wearing pads. Still, you have to give the old guy credit for throwing a pretty good Too Tall Jones forearm shiver, and you have to take away credit for Garcia staggering from a hit by an old guy with no pads on who isn't even running directly at him.
Man up, junior! Put your head down and run that ref the fuck over!
It's Rich with a non-cast related post?!! Yes, it's true. I'm still the damned associate editor-in-chief, people.
So, let's get to an important week in NCAA Bullshit Championship Series. And see which teams are who they thought they were.
As you know from the 'Cast. And if you don't know. FUCKING LISTEN TO IT! You'll laugh, and it's better than others who're rippin' our shit. *cough*KSKDrewMagaryandMMP*cough*
I love the Nittaly Lions, too. They're my favorite foosball program. I think Joe Paternal is the best foosball couch ever.
Not like John McCain's desire for government-run sports is any better.
(Seriously, these are our presidential candidates? I weep for our nation. Can we somehow elect one of the two vice presidential Steelers fans president instead? At least then we'd have a President who knows football and/or can actually play basketball well.)
No really, who does, because this is starting to get really ridiculous now.
#1 Ohio State two weeks ago were dropped when all they had to do was win out and they're going to New Orleans. They lost to the Zookster and were thought to be on life support, needing something short of a flat out miracle to change their flight plan from Pasadena to the Bayou. Guess miracles are in something of a high demand, because here's what's gone down since then...
- Then #2 Oregon loses Dennis Dixon for the year, then goes on to lose to the Swarm out in the Desert. Oh and in case any of you ADs are the least bit interested *Nebraska & A&M, ya might wanna take notice*, they have a Stoops of their own down there causing all kinds of chaos. Especially against Top 10 foes.
What? Not enough chaos for ya? It gets better.
- #6 Arizona State's in prime position to simply win out and hope for a few things to go wrong to cap off their nice run. Apparently, USC didn't get the memo that their title hopes are dashed and they are who we thought they were. So while most of you were downing your turkey and stuffing, they were stuffing Rudy Carpenter and making the Devils bow down to the Trojans. Guess nobody wants to be Pac-10 champ either.
Yet...here's the kicker that has me livid as an anti-Buckeye.
- #1 LSU loses in triple OT AT HOME. It's funny to mention now, but I had a column I never finished shortly after the New Ball Coach beat The Sabinator a month ago. Looks like I won't have to worry about finishing it now, same way Les won't have national champion to put on top of his resume when he interviews *and if he has a clue, accepts* the Michigan job.
So now, common sense states the Border War survivor will become for the first time in its school's history the #1 team in the land as they head for a showdown against Oklahoma which did its part last week getting flat smushed by Tee Tech. Loser can take solace in the fact that this late into the year, we actually gave a crap that they played on a Saturday night and we didn't sleep through it as they await their BCS bid. West Virginia's the logical #2, but only if they can handle UConn, yet another school who didn't get the 'you are a basketball program' memo that just so happened to miss Kansas and Mizzou this year as well. So now folks in Ohio are still clinging to the hope that OSU might take their overrated asses down to the N.O. for yet ANOTHER national championship game. BAH. Why can't we throw Colt Brennan in this mix?! They're unbeaten. They haven't lost. :P Shouldn't they have an opportunity to take the crystal football down to the Aloha State? I'm calling play-cism. Play-cism damnit!
I wrote about this over at the Flektor Development Blog, but the video itself is way, way too good not to share here.
I DO feel bad for the kid, despite the fact he's a Hurricane player (and probably a real scumbag), but at least he does have that one big touchdown pass to feel good about. It's not like they've got someone else they can put in his palce right now, either, so he's going to keep the starting job for awhile. Maybe he'll do better next game; crazier things have happened.
Still, it's a good thing I wasn't watching this game, because I probably would've wet myself laughing a la Nelson Muntz at Kirby Freeman's misfortune. And also I would've been laughing at the fact that he was named after a Nintendo ghost and the grandfather from The Boondocks, but that would've given me a chuckle anyway.
Sports fans with an attitude, SportsBastards is a humorous take on the life-or-death struggle that is sports. It doesn't matter who wins or loses, but if they cover the spread.
