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This is the archive for January 2007

Break in the newbies!

Tiger Woods won yet another PGA tournament, this time over a bunch of people you’ve never heard of and will probably never hear from again, like Thurston Charles Howell III and such notable tour rookies as rookies Andrew Buckle, Brandt Snedeker, and Jeff Quinney. Like any good seasoned prison inmate, Tiger welcomed these fresh fish into his house the only way possible: wait for them to drop the soap and then give it to them hard.

Welcome to the Tiger Woods PGA tour, bitches! Hope you like the smell of failure!

Meanwhile, DJ Gallo sums up my thoughts on Tiger’s phony wins streak perfectly in today’s Daily Quickie AM Jump.

Tiger Woods won in his first PGA appearance of the year yesterday at the Buick Invitational, giving him seven consecutive victories. Of course, that's only consecutive PGA victories. Woods has losses in Japan, China, the Ryder Cup and the World Match Play Championships mixed in there. It's kind of like how my college roommate was undefeated at Madden, but only if you didn't count all the games he shut off when he was losing in the fourth quarter.

Who names their son Tadd?

A potbellied 16-year-old boy named Tadd Fujikawa? Yep, he made the cut at the Sony Open in beautiful Honolulu, Hawai'i.

A 17-year-old girl named Michelle Wie who makes more money from one endorsement deal than the SportsBastards crew will ever collectively make in our entire lives? She stunk the place up and missed the cut by 14 strokes.

Which one's the household name again? Which one's Tiger with tits? Which one is the one that's gonna be playing with the men in 5 years?

That's what I thought.