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This is the archive for December 2006

We Interrupt Your Life for an A.I. WHAT THE FUCK?!! Moment.

According to the SoulStealer (TM ), Allen didn't storm into Billy King's office and demand the trade out of Suckadelphia.

To quote: "I went into a meeting with Billy and I had expressed my frustrations," Iverson said. "We had lost 12 of 14 games and something wasn't right. I told Billy King we couldn't win with this style. I didn't directly say, 'Trade me -- I'm ready to go.'"

Hey, Billy! Gots some 'splaning to do, son.

So, what do you folks think? Did Billy want A.I. out, or is A.I. trying to look good. If we had a poll device, I'd put one here, but vote with comments. I'll figure it out in a post in the future. Ok?

A Mile High Answer

Fret not Nuggets fans, help is on the way. As if blowing out the Wizards last night in their first of 14 more games without Melo wasn't bad enough you now have something to cheer about. So please, stop with the threats to Adolf Stern and quit threatening to do bodily harm to Dummy Thomas. No need going the Zeke route now [making dumb threats when you can do other things with your time]. But anyway, Denver now has its most star studded guard in a Nuggets uniform since Alex English was running and gunning for Doug Moe. So let the overhyping and all that, commence...

Oh, I'm supposed to finish here, right? Well I guess I should.
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Iverson Moves his TITS class to Denver.

For the ones who give a shit still about A.I., Professor Iverson is picking up his TITS class and moving to Denver. According to the BS Leader and the always lovely Sooze, Allen Iverson is coming to the Rocky Mountains to bring Thuggin' and Sexyness back.

Now we all wonder, what Philly's getting for this. Well, here's the official blah of what. Andre Miller, Joe Smith and two 2007 first-round picks to the Sixers for Iverson and perhaps another minimum-salaried player or two. Translation: Chris's fantasy team is fucked, and Denver is getting a true scoring thug and two of his boys. Philly gets two young guns and picks to try to rebuild the mess that Billy King will make bigger anyways.

Now for those of you taking Prof. Iverson's TITS class in Philly, there is a change. While he's still teaching the following:

Fashion: Can You Ever Wear Too Much Jewelry?

He'll pick up a new course:

Thuggin', Druggin' and Brawlin': How to Fight Like a Real Man, Biotch!

Considering that Melo put up a fucking pussy shot on Collins, the Answer might be what he needs. Also, A.I. kinda likes George Karl, so that's a plus. Come to think of it, the fight would turn out a lot different this time. The Answer would've ended up by punching Zeke the Bitch. So, both sides win.

Philly gets Miller, Smith and draft picks.

Denver gets street cred and a man who'll actually shank Isiah Thomas at the next game.

I might actually watch the NBA more now...

Rich And Creamy Haterade Served By The No Balls Association.

I'm probably in the minority on this one and quite frankly, I don't care. I'm sick of this crap. From the very beginning, Carmelo Anthony's been the victim of Haterism. It's a very nasty thing and in this case, it's unjustified.

He did what no other Syracuse alum did and that's give Jim Boeheim a National Championship. He did this a year prior to leaving for the NBA, where he went third in the draft behind Crowned Prince James and In The Darko Milicic. Now I told people three years ago that Melo's a franchise player and he's the type of player you can build a championship squad around, while LBJ's the type of player you use to put asses in the seats or what I'm going to officially refer to as...a Billboard on Two Feet.

The Billboard on Two Feet, upon entering the league instantly became one of MANY Jordan wannabes annointed by everyone except the Queen of England as the 'Air Apparent' and while he wears the number 23 [which should be retired for all time, like the #99 is in hockey to pay proper respect to its greatest player] and sticks his tongue out like Jordan...

The similarities stop with the number and tongue. The boy bites his nails more than R.Kelly will at trial, waiting on the verdict from an all-white jury. It took him three damn seasons to crack the damn playoffs in the Leastern Conference. THE FUCKING LEASTERN CONFERENCE IS AKIN TO THE DAMN JV DIVISION IN LACROSSE PEOPLE!!!

Carmelo's gotten his Denver team with even less talent than the Cavaliers to the playoffs in three straight years in a much, MUCH tougher conference. Hell, he's even lead them to a division title in his first three years. Good luck thinking that ole LBJ's gonna lead Cleveland past Detroit, Chicago and Indy in the toughest division in the Least.

But the Haterism started on Carmelo when despite having a vastly superior rookie season [not to mention successful to boot], LeBron was handed Rookie of the Year honors [which should've been handed to him on draft night, so as to spare us all the inevitable robbery we were witnesses to]. But Melo's toiled on out West, doing his thing while the world continues to suck LBJ off as if he's the Next Great Thing on a team that's got a center on his last leg...err, ankle and a Pippen that's barely a Toni Kukoc in all honesty.

LeBron leaves the court early during a blowout loss to the Hawks, yes, THOSE Hawks and the world doesn't see it. Isn't until an Atlanta broadcast brings it to our attention that the world takes notice and even then, we didn't see what the broadcasters in the Dirty Dirty saw. But let's flip this now...
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Naughty children

As previously mentioned, that was the big brawl between the Nuggets and the Knicks. Which was clearly instigated by their thug of a coach, Isaiah Thomas, who didn't receive any special punishment for being the cause of the brawl. He claimed that the Nuggets were running up the score on the Knicks and that his team had already given up.

Oh yeah? Then why hadn't Thomas pulled his star players off the floor? Instead, he expected the Nuggets to pull their starters from the game so that the Nuggets could blow their lead in the last two minutes of the game.

The punishments handed down go as follows:

Carmelo Anthony - 15 Game suspension
JR Smith and Nate Robinson - 10 game suspension each
Mardy Collins - 6 game suspension
Jared Jeffries - 4 game suspension
Jerome James and Nene - 1 game suspension each
$500,000 fine to each organization
Isaiah Thomas - ZERO GAMES.

I think personally it was a little harsh on Carmelo Anthony. I think his punishment should have been more along the lines of 10 games. Then again, I'm not an NBA fan; I'm a hockey fan and I love a good old fashioned brawl.

The NBA has so many image problems that they have to come down like a intolerant dictator and punish the boys, but there is a double standard and it's clearly shown by punishing Anthony for 15 games for restarting the brawl with his punch, but not punishing Isaiah Thomas for instigating the brawl to begin with.

Jerry Springer Live in New York Citah

The New York Knicks and the Denver Nuggets got into a wild brawl earlier this evening that made me think of one word that a crowd used to shout with pride when a fight broke out on television:


If you haven’t seen the video, let me summarize this for you: JR Smith is on a breakaway late in the 4th quarter when Mardy Collins goes ghetto and almost clotheslines his head off from behind. Then shit went down like LAPD cops at an NWA themed rap battle. Nate Robinson gets all up in JR Smith’s face who was trying to confront Mardy for the hit. About five or six more people come over, including Carmelo Anthony who shoved Robinson. Escalation ensues when JR Smith breaks away from the people holding him and tackles Nate Robinson into the crowd. Yes, you heard me right, the crowd. Carmelo Anthony then proceeded to put the icing on the cake by popping Mardy Collins right in the grill, punk bitch style. Jarrod Jefferies of the Knicks tries to get at Anthony, but has to be restrained by coaches, his jersey almost comes off because he’s that pissed, and ten people ended up ejected.

Go to to find the video, it ain’t hard to find.

Now, I’m not surprised Carmelo decided to release his inner-thug. He has done this once before by appearing in somebody’s video about snitches. The acronym NBA now means No Balls Association to Carmelo Anthony. Now the only thing we need to see is D-Wade and LeBron get into a fight over who has the better commercial, and our sports basketball brawling lives will be complete.

There is only possibly one thing that could have made this better…Earl Boykins and Nate Robinson getting in a midget fight. Come on, tell me that wouldn’t be the funniest shit ever. To top it all off, this is the trash talk that would go down afterwards, Jerry Springer style:

Nate Robinson: DIE NIGGA!

And now for my final thought

We need to see more of this shit. Take care of yourselves, and each other.

His Airness Wants the Answer, Dammit!

According to the Worldwide, CNNSI, and anyone with the ear to the ground, Iverson wants out. NOW. As heard on Sportscenter, His Airness, Michael Jordan is flexing his ownership muscle in Charlotte. He's actually muscling up and telling the dumbasses in Charlotte to get the money ready.

As a pundit of the NBA, this makes sense for a team with nothing to lose. Charlotte Bobcats aren't exactly lighting up anything. And with 10 million in cap space, Jordan looks like a fucking genius. So, let's say Air pulls this off. Does this mean we'll forget his Washington Wizards fuckups? Not entirely; but we'll get close enough to it.

Keep it open, fuckers. If his Airness gets Charlotte's numbskull owners off their asses, he might have pulled off the coup de grace of the 2006-07 year. Of course, he has to get Iverson to stop laughing long enough to get him in the meeting room...

Play with my balls

So what's with all the bitching from the NBA players about our good friend Orange Roundie?

I'll be honest, I don't get it. So long as they don't switch to a basketcube or something, I think the player's union needs to keep their collective mouth shut, because obviously the new ball is good for the game. How do I know this? Simple, unlike Billy Hunter, I look at the scoreboard.

Thursday night, the Nets and Suns played the 4th-highest scoring game in NBA hsitory, a double-OT classic that the Suns won 161-157. Now, taking that game in a bubble, you could reasonably claim that it was a freak result stemming from the Suns ABA-style up-tempo basketball, and maybe you're right.

But take a look at Friday's scoreboard.

Look at all the scores in the triple digits! And it's not just the usual running suspects cracking 100, or overtime games. No sir, these are teams scoring 90+ points in regular time. When's the last time you saw that many teams score that much in recent NBA history?

Orange Roundie is here to stay. Read below for more evidence, including a complete list of Friday's scores, from 120+ to 90+.

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It's a matter of protest

SKILES photoshop courtesy of Bri

For those that don't know the story, earlier in the year Ben Wallace got in trouble for wearing a headband, just like a certain punky QB from the greatest team of all time, the 1985 Chicago Bears.