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This is the archive for December 2006

Tiger Woods: You ARE the Father!

Congratulations to Tiger Woods for accomplishing the biggest goal in every black man's life (okay, every one-quarter Chinese, one-quarter Thai, one-quarter African, one-eighth Native American, and one-eighth Dutch man): knocking up a blonde-haired white woman! If there's anybody I can look at in professional sports and say that he's going to be a good dad, or at least a father who works his children to death, it's you. Then again, your children will be half-Cablinasian and half-Viking, so you probably ought not push the kids too hard at whatever it is they want to achieve, lest they impale you on their horned helmets with Zen-like patience.

Seriously, congratulations Tiger. I've always enjoyed the close public relationship Tiger had with his father, and you could tell that the two of them loved one another very much and that Earl didn't need his son to be a big-time golfer to be insanely proud of the boy. I'm sure if Tiger's half the man his father was, then those are going to be a lucky kid with a great father.

May your first child be a masculine child!