This is the archive for January 2007
An Open Letter to Richard Justice.
Dear Richard Justice (and Houston fans without brains...),
If you're a Houston Texans fan who hasn't killed themselves when you realized that us folks in Tennessee have the better version of the Houston team, do so now... My uncle in Dallas sent me this nice little tidbit from Richard Justice. Richard, as a U of Texas alum, I like you to a point.
The point ends here. Richard trying to legitimize the sour grapes that the Texans made the right choice with Mario Williams by laughing at the Bush 88 yard game against the Bears defense. I have to say something to that.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Are you fucking kidding me, Dick!? Sit down for a second. Listen to what you're saying.
I'm sorry, Dick. Brian Urlacher affected by the clap he got from Paris Hilton is still 10 times better at defense than Mario Williams. Not to mention he at least bothers to read the playbook, you hack.
After the cut...
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The One You've Been Waiting on: An Open Letter to Terrell (PART 2)
I just got a real bad beat in poker and I was twenty spots away from getting money in a freeroll. I’m fucking pissed, and legitimately so. To calm my nerves I turn on the television to Around the Horn on my DVR…And guess the first name that comes out of Reali’s mouth…
Terrell Owens…
Could it be? OMG NO! NO! HIDE THE COWBOY FANS! CODE BLACK! CODE BLACK! CODE BLACK! GET THE COPS OUT! WE’RE ABOUT TO HAVE A 187 ON 81!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!
It’s the long awaited post that you have been waiting on from me.
THE SEQUEL!
Dear Terrell Owens
Hi, remember me? I’m that guy who you never want to meet in a logical argument contest about your life because I would own you so bad that not even the biggest pacifier Jerry Jones has in his office would be able to cure your wounds. So I’m watching the tele today, Bill Parcells has retired from coaching…And what do you say?
It was good
We need a change
I felt that I was underutilized in the offense.
Dumbass, you can’t even spell underutilized, or indicative, and yet you use them in a sentence as if your opinion means a shit.
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An Open Letter to the Dallas Cowboys
Dear Dallas Cowboys,
I’ll be honest, I’m not sure where to begin here. You all really sucked the place fantastic today, so there’s plenty of blame to go around. I think I’ll start at the bottom of the list of people that need some constructive criticism and work my way to the top. Or maybe I’ll just go wherever I feel the urge to go, and just start shredding ass everywhere. Either way, it should be a lot of fun for a Cowboys-hater like myself.
Martin Gramatica—The good thing about losing the game is that you don’t have to worry about hurting yourself as you celebrate what should be a routine 19-yard game-winning field goal. The bad thing about losing the game is that I didn’t get to laugh at you for hurting yourself while celebrating routine 19-yard field goal. But hey, whenever they gave you a ball to kick, you kicked it and kicked it well. I’d say you could hold your head up high, but you’re still a fucking Gramatica.
Terrell Owens—"The only person allowed to choke and drop balls in the clutch is TO, damn it!" I don’t think I saw you drop any passes today, but then again, it’s hard to drop a ball that bounces three feet in front of you or sails over your head. Have a second helping of pills tonight, buddy; you've earned it.
It just gets better from here...
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