Alright, final day of the regular season and there's only one spot up for grabs with plenty of positioning still left to do before we prepare for the only postseason that takes a backseat to the college folks.
I mean think about it, do you see brackets being made for the NBA Playoffs? Big office pools that has Rick Neuheisel ready to mortgage the farm or his career on the Mavs taking it all? Nope. But my grand Playoff Prognostication piece will come in about 48 hours from now, one day prior to the start of things on Saturday. [How does it feel TNT to be stuck with the Leastern Conference Finals while ESPN gets the Best-ern Conference Finals? I sincerely hope that's a rotating thing among the networks, because the best pregame in the business shouldn't have to be stuck selling a series *Detroit/Miami* that most of the basketball world could care less about.]
Anyhow, it's time for the Gotti Awards.
Rookie Of The Year- Brandon Roy, Portland Trail Blazers. Well, the good news is he'll have a piece of hardware as a consolation prize to probably the most excruciating season he has ever experienced. The bad news is not only is he stuck in the best conference on the planet, he doesn't have a ton of help on the way [since the Blazers probably don't figure to win the lottery…but IF THEY DO…whoa].
I don't really dally in the whole Sixth Man crap, so onto the Big Three of sorts.
Coach of the Year- Sam Mitchell, Toronto Raptors.
Someone has got to tell me how Avery Johnson deserves this award over a man who's got ten new players on his roster that he didn't have a year ago and wearing the ever prestigious Lame Duck label as he headed into this season. Someone's going to have to tell me how being the coach of the best team in the league makes you the Coach of the Year. A damn baboon could walk the sidelines in Dallas and the Mavs would still average about 60 wins a year. And if anything, Avery should really be praying to the Basketball Gods he doesn't win this thing. Because if the Mavs do not win the Larry O'Brien Trophy in June, he's going to come away looking like the biggest underachiever since himself a year ago.
Defensive Player Of The Year- Marcus Camby, Denver Nuggets.
I'm going to go on record as saying this right now. If the Nuggets can find a way around San Antonio in the first round, do not be shocked if the Nuggets run to the Finals. Matter of fact, the Spurs and Nuggets figure to be the best first round matchup this year because it's going to be Melo A.I. versus The San Antonio Patriots. Duncan and Camby are familiar with each other from their days at Wake Forest and UMass respectively, Melo's still trying to get out of the first round of the playoffs, the Spurs want people to respect them again and get their crown back. But still, Camby's been the man this year on a team that couldn't define defense without the help of Webster's.
Joe Crawford, who looks like a penis in his little outfit, has to be one of the biggest dicks in the NBA. Not has, be. Subtle but important difference there. Why else would you throw a guy out of a game when he's sitting on the bench, laughing?
I agree with the announcers in the above Youtube clip. There's no way Crawford knows what Tim Duncan is laughing at (Bruce Bowen probably just told Timmah that Joey Crawford looks like a circumcised cock), and there's no way Duncan could have yelled out anything objectionable to Crawford from that far away while trying not to piss himself laughing.
Now, I'm in no position to really criticize Crawford, but the NBA is. Penishead has a history of overshadowing the games he officiates (and not in a good way like Ed "Cannons" Hochuli), and he's been warned by the NBA about this kind of thing before. Nobody wants to see the officials fuck up a perfectly good basketball game by being toot-happy, least of all Len's best friend Darth Stern.
I think this is the end of Joey Crawford. The end of the Crawford era, and the beginning of a new age of Dick (Bavetta) jokes!
When "Significant Progress" Equates To "Annual Regress".
I swear, Isiah Thomas is my choice for Rasputin Lifetime Underachievment Award. If there was one, dig up the crusty bastico from his grave because damnit, Zeke's done it again. I'm not sure how he did it [and quite frankly I'd rather not know], but after managing to get an overpaid group of nonachievers into "playoff contention in the Eastern Conference" [which loosely translates into 'you're not a good team, but you're good enough to contend for a spot to have your ass kicked by either Detroit or Miami in the 1st round'], Dumblan deemed that as significant progress to keep Isiah around to continue running the NBA's most storied franchise on the Right Coast into Detroit Lion levels of ineptitude. Actually, I check that statement. Not even Matt Millen could do THIS fucked up a job running a franchise that's got the star power the Knicks have.
Here's a fun fact for most of you. Do you realize that over the past MONTH we've seen more of the Cavaliers than we have the Knicks on national television in the past THREE YEARS?! WTF?! Well, another year will go by with no Knicks playing postseason basketball, possibly no Lakers unless Kobe Bauer decides to start hogging the ball and averaging about 50 a game over the remainder of this stretch. And even IF they do make it, what's awaiting him in the first round? Mavs or Suns? But I digress and return to the Knicks. Sadly for the fans who are basically being robbed for the price they're having to fork out to see this bunch of nonachieving, overpaid mooks...James Dolan ensured that there'd be no hope in sight for the forseeable future. Say, think there's any way ole Adolf Stern rigs the lottery so that Greg Oden ends up in NY? I smell a Patrick Ewing/Oden comparison if the Knicks get the #1 pick in the May lottery. But can anyone tell me exactly what Zeke's done to get an extension? Seriously.
Sports fans with an attitude, SportsBastards is a humorous take on the life-or-death struggle that is sports. It doesn't matter who wins or loses, but if they cover the spread.
