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This is the archive for April 2007

The Move Which Made Saturday And Sunday Irrelevant...

Took place when the Raiders dealt Randy Moss and a Lombardi Trophy to be won in February 2008, for a 4th round somebody who basically equates to "nobody significant". Now sure, that wasn't a part of the press release everyone's been reading and I'm sure everyone in Patriot Nation is doing every flip in the book over, but that's essentially what the Pats got yesterday afternoon. Now allow me to walk all of you down memory lane here for a hot second and this is quasi-personal to a degree. About 9 years ago, I was a Cowboys fan and on Draft Day, I sat in front of my television amped over the possibility of Randy Moss becoming a Cowboy. Teaming up with Irvin to put the 'Boys on top of the NFL and simply put, Aikman, Smith and Irvin getting one more big threat to become 'The Four Horsemen of Apocalypse'. I mean, even though Chan Gailey was no Jimmy Johnson, even HE couldn't have screwed that foursome up, right? Well, Jerry Jones passed on him and took Greg Ellis. 21 other teams did the same and the Vikings jumped at him. I predicted on that day, Moss would make the Cowboys pay for the snub and on Thanksgiving Day that season, he did just that. As good as Thanksgiving Dinner was, seeing Moss run up and down the field at will took the flavor out of it all for me.

Oh and don't believe or even buy into that whole "Moss is a cancer, I'd never take a player like that on my team" crap. The morons and fans who believe that are your Browns, Colts and Eagles fans who are still wondering if they'll win one in this lifetime or in the case of the Colts, when #2 will come because it won't be next season. Or the season after that, or the one after that. Before I came to the library to type this up, I had a nice column all written out about the Draft and what not until the computer I typed it on locked up on me. Lost the whole thing. Then, the more I sat down and thought it over, the article itself was a moot point thanks to Moss going to New England.
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Those fruity Eagles.

The 1933 throwback Philadelphia Eagles uniforms are either the gayest thing ever or the most gay-looking thing ever.

It’s not so much the fact that the baby blue and canary-piss yellow color scheme makes UCLA’s uniforms look masculine as much as it is the fact that the team is making a 1933 throwback jersey in stretchy, shiny fabric that just seems to accentuate the gayness of the color scheme like stretch pants accentuate cellulite. I know today’s players are kind of pussies, what with the breathable fabrics and non-leather helmets, but come on! Find a way to tone down the fucking sparkle so you don’t look like Liberace’s bedspread.

Maybe they'll look better in reality than they look on the website, but those aren't the best colors to painfully stretch across the ponderous bulk of a 350-pound offensive lineman. How about some matte finish, too? Would it kill you to bust out the 40-pound wool uniforms (or at least something not shiny!) for one game?

EDIT: It looks better with the helmet, but I don't like the pants, I don't like the fact it's so shiny, and I don't like the fact that the throwback isn't long-sleeved like the original (top left).

Vince Young, beware of falling anvils.

Sorry, Titans fans. It looks like Vince Young is officially the next Eddie George. I hope you enjoyed watching him scramble and win last year, because this year he’s going to break something horribly and watch from the sidelines. Sorry about your luck (and his stupidity).

I do have one interesting thought, however. If you put the cover of Madden 2008 on the cover of Sports Illustrated, would that make coverboy VY10 immune to the Madden Curse, because the SI cover jinx would wipe it out? Or would this, in fact, compound the Madden Curse to the point where VY would be hit by a car being driven by Pacman Jones? Which voodoo is more powerful in this case?

These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.

Listen Up Texans...

That's the sound of your franchise choking on itself...AGAIN. Before I get this going, I give you a snippet from my not yet published "The Grimey Handbook On Running A Franchise 101."

Rule 3.01- If you take a quarterback in the 1st round and he flames out on you in under three years, your franchise is finished.

I've spent close to a decade watching the NFL [which is quickly becoming the National Felons League] and I swear, I could write a book on how many mismanaged franchises there are right now posing as professional football clubs.

The Texans go out and make David Carr their first pick
overall. The very first draft pick that they EVER had in a college draft, was used to draft this sidearm slinger from Fresno State. And while I won't be the first to say that it was a bust or wrong move at the time, methinks that somewhere along the line Bob McNair and Rick Smith missed the part of Football 101 which states, "your offense will not go ANYWHERE without an offensive line to keep your QB off his ass".

To this point, the Texans have not done that. They've wasted their last four picks in the 1st round on the defensive side of the football. But yet, I'm left to really scratch my head at the Millenian way of thinking these clowns are working under. They swap picks in the first round with the Falcons to get a backup QB [not a starter, a BACKUP] along with coughing up two other picks, this year and next year, for Matt Schaub.

[Crickets chirp...and then stop.]
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