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This is the archive for May 2007

Prison Blues vs. Orange Jumpsuits 2007: It begins again!

That’s right, kids. With training camps about to begin and the NFL draft over with, we’ve refreshed the lineup sand started, once more, with the criminal countdown featuring the NFL’s most villainous teams. And it didn’t take long for the shit to hit the fan this year, as one of last year’s stars, Bengal linebacker A.J. Nicholson, got arrested again. Rather than felony theft this time, he was arrested merely for beating the sass out of his girlfriend/baby mama.

But he’s not the only one.

Pro Bowl New York Jets return man Justin Miller and Denver Broncos wide receiver David Kircus were also arrested for fighting. Miller got into an altercation with a woman outside a New York City nightclub, and Kircus turned a guy’s face into hamburger at a party. Miller, a former Clemson star, picked up more than a few ho control tips from A.J. Nicholson in the off-season. As for Kircus, who returned to football last season after spending a year working in the fast food industry, must be looking to return to Hamburger University.

As Jaime Sue would point out, no Chargers have been arrested yet. Then again, mini-camps are just starting, so she’s got to give them time to round into season form when it comes to selling drugs and getting shot by the cops.

Sun rises; world shocked, surprised.

Ricky Williams testing positive for marijuana use is about as surprising as a Steve McNair DUI these days, but here I am mentioning it anyway. Nothing to see here, folks; let’s all just put our heads down and keep going like nothing happened.

Folsom Prison Titan Blues

And so it begins.

The classic athlete move in any situation involving suspensions, legal trouble, or any kind of malfeasance is to immediately start shifting blame, weaseling out, mentioning tainted supplements, and generally trying to incriminate others in such a way as to look less guilty of whatever it is you did that you’re trying to hide (anyone up for some tainted B 12 shots?) Hell, our entire legal system runs on the snitch principle: rat out on others before they can rat out on you.

So, in an effort so save some of a year’s pay, Pacman Jones has decided to make it rain one more time, with this gigantic PDF file of NFL player arrests over the last 7 years. It’s like my world-famous and Jaime-hated Prison Blues Vs. Orange Jumpsuits series detailing last season’s all-time all-crime squads, the Bengals and Chargers, but better.

I don’t know about you, but I know what I’m doing for the next few hours.

Making it rain values!

You know, sometimes you want to look good when you make it rain, but you don’t want the looking good part to affect the amount of rain you can make, so you had to wait all year for this sweet road white Pacman Jones jersey to go on sale. Christmas in May for the burgeoning thug! It’s kind of a shame they aren’t also slashing prices on Chris Henry jerseys, too.

Side note: I could not think of a better ironic gift for a sports blogger. Needless to say, I’d wear it with pride, especially to strip clubs and meetings with my parole officer.