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This is the archive for July 2008

Open Letter To Dwain Chambers

Dear Mr Chambers, Britain's answer to Ben Johnson,

Having heard that you failed in your bid to get your lifetime Olympic ban overturned, I thought you might like to get my opinion on the matter. Firstly, I have three words for you, Dwain:

Ha, ha, and ha.

Anyway, let's look at your case, shall we? You argued that the ban was an unfair restriction on trade, which is true. Apart from the unfair bit. In fact, the ban is completely justified, since you broke the rules in order to give yourself an advantage over fellow athletes. Is that fair? Are all the other athletes taking performance-enhancing drugs as well? ... actually, maybe that's not such a good point.

Regardless of what you did, Dwain, the most important thing to remember is that you got caught. Once you've been found out, you should bow your head in shame, take whatever punishment you're due, and keep your mouth shut. You shouldn't try to weasel your way back in when no one wants you any more.

To further drill things into your enormous, horse-like cranium, let's use an analogy. Let's say you're a doctor (god forbid), and you're in the habit of touching up your lady patients. As a result, you're rightly struck off and can no longer practice medicine. Should you go to prison for a bit, and then be banned from being a doctor again, or should you go to the courts, decrying the system and claiming that your trade is being unfairly restricted? I’ll give you a clue: you can put away your stethoscope, because you won’t be needing it for a very long time.



Chambers: keen on the odd steroid