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This is the archive for January 2008

An Open Letter To Conference Champion Coughlin.

Dear Tom,

I'm sorry. I guess in the end, I was wrong about a point. You did the one thing I thought you were incapable of doing and that's get Eli to a Super Bowl. You did that. I all but spearheaded a campaign that was deadset on seeing your pasty ass thrown out and now, in spite of my best uh,'ve got the Giants heading for its first Super Bowl since that 2000 atrocity at the hands of the Ravens. I spent all year expecting you to flop and fail miserably, hell, you managed to turn Shockey into a pedestrian shell of himself before he was injured. For a "disciplined" team, they kept getting penalties the way Britney keeps getting these "meltdowns" (think she wants to have her kids turned over to K-Fed, so she can focus on getting her career back on track, but that's another story for another time). Then, comes Week 17. In a game that meant absolutely nothing to the Giants (your ticket to Tampa was punched), you played everyone that had a pulse and came within three points of giving the '72 Dolphins yet another year of popping those corks. You failed to do that and managed to get three more people hurt. I didn't really question that, because with the game being on NFL Network and nationally televised, it'd have been really crappy to have seen 2nd and 3rd stringers playing.

Then again, maybe if the game was at Foxboro, the Giants would've won. Still, you did what not many coaches have been able to do. Take a close loss to end the regular season and turn it into three impressive road wins. You found some kind of way to get Eli playing like he is the #1 pick overall from a few years ago. You found a way to justify the trade that was made and now, you've found a way to justify why you made the right move tanking his rookie year and getting him in when all said you should've waited. All of it is in the rear view because now, you're heading for Arizona to play in a game only two other coaches before you have played and hopefully, yours won't end as badly as Fassel's lone trip did. Still, you managed to make me eat my words by succeeding in taking a team that should've been at this point a few years ago, to the brink of greatness. Now, not only do you get another crack at the Patriots, but you get a crack at writing the end to the most improbable of stories in NFL lore. To go from 0-2 to being the team that not just ends the Pats' record run, but bringing home a third Lombardi trophy to boot. I've rooted against my team in a most uncharacteristic fashion for the past three weeks and two weeks from tonight, when I wear my Tom Brady sweatshirt jersey, I won't change it. I haven't had this type of excitement built up for the Giants in years and quite frankly, I missed it. Thank you for proving me wrong about your coaching ability and getting this team not just ready to roll in the third coldest game in NFL history when most others would've rolled over and got flattened by the Pack, but thank you for getting Eli to this game a lot quicker than Peyton did.

Len Gotti

P.S.- What ya got to say now Tiki? Know your role and shut your hole, bitch.

An open letter to Mike Ashley

Dear Mr Ashley,

First may I say I greatly appreciate you putting your faith and your many millions of English pounds in my favourite football club, Newcastle United. Previous seasons have shown that throwing money at the problem is undoubtedly the best way to do well in the Premiership. How else would we have reached the dizzy heights of 13h place last season?

Yes, this truly is a great new era for the club. However, I think we can do better. We could, I think, with the right manager, be able to qualify for the UEFA Cup (where, of course, we'd be knocked out in the first game). As much as I admire Sam Allardyce, I don't think he's the man for the job. So who is? Rather than beating around the bush, I'll say straight out that I think I should be the next manager of Newcastle. I'm young, motivated, good-looking (don't laugh), and I've won the Premiership, the FA Cup and the League Cup in Football Manager. Unfortunately, I didn't win the Champions League, as my computer crashed and corrupted my save game. Regardless, I think my CV is still fairly impressive.

Please send a limo or helicopter to my house, and we can go over my contract in finer detail.

Many thanks,

Anthony Enticknap