Skip to main content.


This is the archive for October 2007

An Open Letter To The "Rebuilding" Evil Empire...

*Disclaimer, this will assuredly piss off a ton of Yankee fans, but as I'm going to disclose's your team's fault. I'm just pointing out the rather obvious.*

Dear Rebuilding Empire,

Congratulations for pushing the most successful manager of the Steinbrenner Era out the door with your "last ditch" effort. Now sure, I'm
certain a few Yankee lemmings will defend the decision and offer, while trying to tell themselves *as one or two have here* that you're not done. That you're merely in a state of "rebuilding" and that "seven years of postseason failure" doesn't constitute a decline. Well, here's the thing...
we get that you're the most storied franchise in all of sports. On par with the Canadiens in hockey, Lakers in basketball and the Cowboys and Steelers in football. But here's the one thing all of you have in common...

With the exception of the Steel Crew, all of you are hanging your hats on past success and the rest of the world does not care. Montreal's gone through umpteen different coaches and haven't seen a Stanley Cup since I was in the 8th grade. The Lakers haven't been the same since Shaq was sent packing, maybe before that and this doesn't stop people from saying they're a done deal...especially with Kobe possibly on his way out.
The Cowboys are praying that Playmaker 81 can help Romo do a fairly decent Aikman impersonation so they can get that record breaking 6th Lombardi trophy. As for your organization, you decide to reward the man who made your franchise relevant in the latter half of the 90s and beyond by giving him a 'here's a one year deal, but if you get us far in the playoffs...we'll give you more money' deal that's specifically reserved for untested and unproven managers. Uhm, HELLLOOOOOOO this isn't Joe Schmoe you're dealing with. This is Joe F'N Torre. The man who's never missed the postseason in every year he's managed the club. Know how many years your team spent watching the postseason at home before it finally got back to one in 1995? 12! And the absolute best you can do for this man who not only got you over the hump, but spent four of his first six seasons leading you spoiled bunch of brats to championships can do, is offer him a $5M deal with a million increase for every round he gets you out of? I swear on everything I all, know and love, I'm going to enjoy seeing you rat bastards flounder like fish out of water for the years to come. And as a Mets fan, I hope Willie goes in the tank next season and Torre's number is put on speed dial. I hope Torre leads the Mets to success you pinstriped punks will never see again unless you're watching Classic Sports replay your World Series games.

An Open Letter to Bud Selig

Buddy, you've got some serious 'splainin' to do.

Why is there a NON-TRAVEL DAY OFF in the middle of my ALCS?

Were you in the midst of a three-or-four martini lunch when you came up with that--or were you smoking something stronger?

Seriously, what were you thinking?

"Gee, wouldn't it be nice if we could get the World Series to spill into November like we did back in 2001?"

"Hey, let's see if we can get games snowed out at the end of the season, too!"

"You know, we haven't driven enough people away from watching the playoffs lately. How can we get even fewer people watching? I know! Let's throw a few extra days between games in there!"

Did it at all occur to you that there was a good possibility that the LCS for either league could be decided in less than seven games? Right now, it's going to be NINE DAYS before Colorado plays another game--and should Cleveland win on Thursday night, they get a SIX-DAY vacation before they get to go for it all. Even if Boston manages to make a 2004-style comeback, it still means two days of no baseball before the Series starts.

Smooth move, Bud. In a feeble attempt to generate higher TV ratings and ad revenue, you've practically guaranteed that even fewer people will watch the World Series this year. Don't even think of trying to blame the piss-poor numbers on the matchup, either. Even my beloved Yankees couldn't put butts in the recliners if people have to wait nearly a week between the LCS and the Series.

You've done a disservice to both the fans and the teams involved. You especially owe an apology to the Colorado Rockies. With their hot streak, their energy and enthusiasm and their underdog status, they practically handed you a Series to hype the hell out of--and what do you do? YOU make them cool their heels for NINE DAYS!

By the way, did you know that Colorado sometimes gets SNOW in late October?

There was nothing wrong with the LCS schedule as it was. Two games, travel, three games, travel, two games. Easy to remember, easy to follow. Another travel day and bam! World Series. No time for fans to get distracted by other things, and everything ends IN OCTOBER as it should. But no, you had to tinker.

If you don't put things back to the way they should be next year, that next swing of the bat is going to be right upside your head--and it's going to have barbed-wire on it.

You've been warned.

An Open Letter To Willie Randolph

Dear Willie,

I'm going to start this out with three words that I think some Met fans are probably hesitant to say, but I'm not.

You gotta go.

With yesterday's inexcusable performance, on top of last year's NLCS that
was hands down one of the luckiest postseason wins I've ever seen by an overmatched, undermanned team (proved positive when the Cards could not get around the Brew Crew who were powered by the Son of Cecil and the Cubs who had Sweet Lou pushing the charge *why couldn't Lou be OUR manager*) that ended up winning it all last season...I'm convinced you aren't it. Yes, there were a ton of problems that plagued this bound for Heimlichville team from a bullpen that couldn't protect a lead if it were a corpse and they were a pack of maggots charged with staying on top to an offense that seemingly forgot how to hit the ball or run bases properly. I won't really get into the statistical breakdown here, because at this stage I'm beyond looking at petty numbers because there's only one that matters.

88-74, no playoffs. You played most of your career as a Yankee, you know how this goes in New York. Fuck, I'm a natural born Jerseyan and even I know that failure isn't something people tolerate. Bobby Valentine
got canned after getting the Mets to a place they should've been a year ago and didn't because you let yourself get outmanaged by Tony LaRussa.
This year, you got outmanaged by of all people, Charlie Manuel, whoever they've got running the Nationals (can't they contract this fucking team) and the Marlins in the final 17 games of the season almost all at once.
[ Read More... ]