Skip to main content.


This is the archive for July 2007

The name's Bonds... Barry Bonds.

Barry Bonds is embarrassed to wear the Giants uniform. It’s not his 0-20 slump. It’s not the BALCO scandal and his probable steroid abuse. It’s not his absolutely awful play in leftfield and inability to walk, let alone run, while fielding the ball.

Barry is embarrassed because he looks like crap. If I looked like I was wearing my pajamas all the time, like Barry does in his baggy pants, I’d probably be embarrassed, too. Come on, Barry. Have more respect for the game, get yourself a pair of stirrups, and wear your pant legs up.

If you look good, you play good.

keep up the bad work

It’s a summer of baseball records. Barry Bonds is searching for home run 755. Craig Biggio hit his 3,000th hit and 1,000th extra base hit. Frank Thomas has cranked 500 home runs. A-Rod is trying to become baseball’s first $30-million-dollar man.

The most impressive record of all, for those who haven’t been paying attention, is the 10,000th loss of the perpetually hapless Philadelphia Phillies. They’re the first professional sports franchise to rack up 5 digits in the loss column (and they also have a cool liberty bell on their stirrups). That’s something to celebrate, I guess.

Listen, this is the Phillies. They’re going to suck as they’ve always sucked. The important thing is, if you’re going to lose, you’d better lose big. The Phillies know all about losing huge.

Paging Leroy Brown

Not a good day to be on the South Side of Chicago, unless you happen to be a Twins fan.

Minnesota decided they couldn't stop at beating the White Sox 20-14 in the first game of a doubleheader, they went on to demolish them 12-0 in the second game.

All I can say is I wouldn't want to be the first person sticking a mic in Ozzie Guillen's face tonight. Not only would the results be completely unintelligble, unprintable and unfit for broadcast, but you might find yourself needing a very painful microphone-ectomy.

The only Twins player who didn't have a good night was backup catcher Mike Redmond, who got a bat upside the head at the start of the second game.

Consider it Chicago justice, Jim Thome-style.