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This is the archive for August 2007

Another Open Letter to Michael Vick

Dear Michael Vick,

Go drown in a ditch and electrocute yourself at the same time...Please?


The Human Race

An Open Letter To The Dog-Gone Moron...(Michael Vick)

Dear Michael Vick,

Well, it's over. Checkmate. Game over. Fat lady's singing and guess what? Your career's all but over, son. And when I say over, I mean at this point, I don't even think you could go the Ricky Williams route and play up North. I don't think Canuckers take very kindly to people who torture and kill dogs as you're saying you have. And in the end, it's sad really. It's sad because here's yet another gifted black man who because he didn't have the mental wherewithal to take his bosses at their word and just had to stay "true to the game" basically got you played out of it. In a week from today, you're going to cop a plea, do some time and have your jersey become the thing which the ASPCA and PETA probably uses as crappers for their respective dogs. Cause to them, it's not worth shit.

As far as the Falcons go, this sets them back in a MAJOR, MAJOR way. Their franchise QB is done not because of some career ending injury that was inflicted on the field, but because of the worst kind of stupidity off of it and if Blanks had any kind of heart, he'd refund the monies of those who bought season tickets because they're about to suffer through something far worse than those dogs went through this and many more seasons to come. Anybody remember those really old school red unis with the black bird on it?

They may want to dust those off, because nobody's going to recognize these 'Birds going forward. Harrington couldn't cut it in Detroit and he's just barely got enough in Atlanta to be competitive. If anyone's possibly smiling about this it's probably coach Bobby Petrino, because he might just be able to tank so badly that they can get Brian Brohm in next April's draft.

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An Open Letter to Wayne Rooney

Dear Wayne,

For the love of God, drink some fucking milk! You've got bones as brittle as a pensioner, especially in your feet, so please put down the beer, stop clubbing, and drink something with some calcium in it. Your country (and Ron's Premiership fantasy team) is depending on you to stay on your feet for longer than a few months at a time.



An Open Letter To KG

Dear Kevin,

Congratulations on your move to Boston. With one single move, you've done something that not even Pierce could do on his own in what seems like've got us talking about the Celtics without adding any type of laughtrack to the mix. For the first time in about 17, maybe even 18 years, the Celtics are relevant on a grand scale again. People can say the Celtics and NBA Finals contender in the same sentence and not have to worry about being laughed off the planet. Hell, people in Boston can admit to being Celtics fans and not have to be consoled or talked off of downing a bottle of pills or off the ledge of a bridge. All thanks to you and ironically enough, the man who drafted you out of high school and proceeded to do absolutely nothing other than go out, get Spree and Cassell for what was your best year in 2004. And for all of that,
you sat back and went out in 6 to the Lakers in the West Finals and haven't seen the playoffs since. If nothing else I say comes true, best believe that you'll be playing some playoff basketball in Boston next April.
Yet, what's funny is that everyone's all but forgetting that only a month and a half ago right about the draft, you wouldn't have come here if held at gunpoint. Guess having a Ray Allen on board kinda changes your mind about going to Beantown, huh? And ya know, as a Nets fan, I should be flat out fuming over this. You represent a major problem for the Nets that they didn't bother to address in free agency or the Draft (well, they did, but he's a 'pray he does nothing utterly stupid' player and as we all saw a year ago with Boone and Williams, Lawrence won't play rookies until late in the year when it's all but a moot point). Come to think of it, you pose a mega huge problem for a LOT of the "contenders" in the JV Conference because well...there's not a dearth of talent at the position you play.
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