Len Rants On The Fall Classic, Opening Night & Wrasslin...
Alright, since something has got me angsty enough to do so...I'm going to rant.
- Last night, I watched the Celts/Cavs and predictably, most of the talking heads talked up Cleveland as being in the discussion with the four teams I covered in my preview column. But of course, proving true to form, game time came and after jumping out early on Boston (at which point I turned it off because I knew they were going to blow it)...I turned the game back on in the 4th and Boston was up.
Ya know what we learned even though it's just the season opener?
In honor of news breaking that the Browns may have 4 of their last 5 home games blacked out on local television...
(And this is a bad thing, why? They suck. They've been suck since 1999. Butch Davis was their head coach the last time they made the playoffs, Tim Couch was their QB the last time they beat the Steelers. As they said on the local news the other day, if you're in Junior High...your memories of the Browns doing well not so much.)
I post this wonderfully made video to coincide with the season debut of The Big Shill (Shaq) in a Cavalier uniform. I'd also like to thank Cleveland for ensuring I will be anti-Shaq this season.
Thankfully, half of this has been written for me because the upper echelon of the league has already established itself. Orlando, Boston, San Antonio, Los Angeles are your top four teams this season. Hands down, there's no debating that. If I had to pick one team to crack this group, it's Utah based on things I covered in Part 2 of my 3 part Preview Edition. Since this might be a very short column, I have taken it upon myself to...okay, I'll hold off on that for now. Oh but I'm sure some might be of the thinking, why not Cleveland? Well, I figure for a few reasons...
The Rest Of The West & Two Sleepers That Will Shock (At Least 1 Guaranteed!/NBA Preview 2 of 3)
Alright, thankfully, the Eastern Conference did most of my work for me by being so mediocre it's not worth expounding on the way I'm going to with the Western Conference. Know that anything of the NBA Championship discussion should only revolve around two teams in the East...Boston and Orlando. That's IT. Sure, you'll hear Cleveland mentioned but as Joe Pesci said in My Cousin Vinny...
"Everything that guy said is bullshit. Thank you."
Alright, let's get down to it shall we? There's a hiearchy established in the West, we know this. There's the Lakers and Spurs, the only two teams this decade to hoist that trophy beyond the Celts, Heat & Pistons. (Wow, think about that for a minute. In a 10 year span, we've had the title go between five different teams and two of those have had it for about half of this DECADE. More than half if you're the Lakers.) So in a matter of wrestling speak, the Lakers are the Triple H of this thing and the Spurs are Randy Orton. (I say this because almost every attempt they've had at repeating have ended at the hands of the Lakers. Orton's title reigns with the exception of his most recent one, have ended at the hands of Triple H.) So let's get to the proceedings this evening, shall we? In keeping with my schedule, I'm giving you the rest of the West picture as it fills out behind the Spurs and Lake Show. Those two teams will be spoken on in length in my final preview piece. Today, I cover the other six teams and possible sleepers to watch for. Firstly, last year's playoff teams...
Another graduate of the ESPN School of Interoffice Relationships
Apparently the "appropriate interactions with co-workers" section of the Disney employee manual doesn't get read much at ESPN. We've seen Harold Reynolds and his version of "let's hug it out, bitch", Sean Salisbury displaying his shortcomings via cell phone, and now we can add former Mets GM and (for-the-moment) current Baseball Tonightmoron commentator Steve Phillips to the list.
Once again proving his complete ineptitude at judging character, Phillips had a brief affair with an ESPN production assistant--who turned out to be a psycho chick a la Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction". She's made threatening calls to his wife, tried to pose as a high-school student in order to get in touch with his son, and crashed her car trying to avoid being caught after leaving a letter at his house bragging about the affair. No word as to whether or not any animals have been harmed in the process.
Way to go, Steve; three weeks of summer love have now cost you your home, your marriage and possibly your job. On the bright side, your reputation for being an idiot remains intact.
UPDATE: I called it--on Sunday, Oct.25, ESPN announced that Phillips is no longer working for them. “His ability to be an effective representative for ESPN has been significantly and irreparably damaged, and it became evident it was time to part ways.” Lessons learned:
1. Apparently being a moron is considered an effective way to represent ESPN, as long as you don't screw the help.
2. You embarrass The Mouse, you're dead in the water.
Expect to see Phillips pop up on FoxSports sometime in the future. They like the sloppy seconds.
Storylines By "Association"...Or Something Of That Sort.
And so Fall has arrived...or if you're in the Midwest like me, you're wondering where did Summer really go. (Or what someone did with it, because it never showed up!) I mean seriously, I can count on both hands how many times the thermometer topped 90 here in Ohio. Otherwise, it was just one really long Indian Summer and now, leaves have changed (the Browns have admitted to fucking up yet again with their QB, another first rounder of theirs bites the dust and yes, I'm going to get to this in a bit) and we're weeks away from my favorite time of the year...
Fall Ramblings And The Cleveland Theory In Detail...
I've got a few things I've been stewing over for a while to write, but I'm hitting a point where I'm past sick of Raw. Actually, I haven't really written much on wrestling here, but well...oy. Random things on my mind before I go there...
- LCS shit. I know this will upset uber Yank fan Jade, but I want the Yanks to win the ALCS. I do. Really. Why? Because I want to see Dodgers/Yankees in the World Series. I want Joe Torre to get his getback against The Boss, his idiotic sons and the organization that basically hung him out to dry because the ORGANIZATION went away from the model that got them on top of the baseball world from 1996-2000.
- The Giants are undefeated. I tried telling folks, the issue everyone thought WAS an issue, really wasn't. Maybe they'll listen now. However, I'm torn because they face Shockey, Drew Marino and the Saints in the Bayou. Half of me, wants Shockey to have a great game (even if from a fantasy standpoint, I'll only benefit if I start him, which I really won't) to show Reese and Coughlin they just flat out fucked up in sending him packing. On the flip side, I'm inclined to think that the Giants are the best team in the NFC (win or lose Sunday) that's BUILT to win in January.
Eli's won in January, on the road. I'll give him a pass for last season's Divisional drubbing, but still. I'm not so sure about Drew and the Saints. Now, for the 'Cleveland' portion of my ranting...
Sports fans with an attitude, SportsBastards is a humorous take on the life-or-death struggle that is sports. It doesn't matter who wins or loses, but if they cover the spread.
