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This is the archive for August 2009

The Talented Mr. Ochocinco

When Jaime Sue told me about Chad Ochocinco kicking a field goal and then having a beautiful kickoff afterwards, I didn't believe it. I figured she'd had one too many adult sodas and was just talking crazy. However, as you can see below, her crazy talk was justified.

What impresses me the most is basically he went out there without practicing any kicks and not only drilled the extra point (which is easy) but also dropped the kickoff inside the 10 yard line. I think he must've surprised his teammates, which explains why they were so terrible on kick coverage. Well, they were surprised and they are Bengals.

So, two reasons they blew the kick coverage.

Respect The Favre-glomerate

Well...I guess he wants revenge after all.

Brett the Jet has now become Favre The Viking. a Giants fan, I'm legitimately worried. This is no longer just Adrian Peterson and the Vikes. This is now Brett, Ay Pee and the Vikes. This is no longer an offense run by two second string QBs, this is an offense run by the three time MVP.

Let us now count down until the first Vikings/Packers game, not the game at the Homerdome mind you, oh no.

I'm talking when he trots onto Lambeau Field for the first time as an enemy.

A Madden Wet Dream Come To Life...Wait, You Mean This Ain't Madden?

Maddenholics, rejoice!!! Your wet dream has become a reality. Michael Vick has signed with the Philadelphia Eagles for a year, with an option for year 2.

What? You mean this isn't Madden 2008? Shit.

Alright, since I'm sitting here listening to the Four Letter Network go ga-ga over this, let me give you the real you won't hear on any network. Or radio station.

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Michael Vick To Launch Bird Fighting Ring In Philadelphia

So, Michael Vick is signing with Philadelphia. He's even landed a two year deal, probably on the cheap, so if/when this deal goes tits up Jeff Lurie isn't out much money. However, the moment the news came down on ESPN's coverage of the Cardinals/Steelers, the predictable comments came in.

"Oh, Philadelphia! That's a great situation for Michael Vick! There's such a good support group there. Andy Reid is like Jesus but fatter, but Donna Van McNabb isn't gonna like it! LOL!"

Well, first of all, let's deal with the support group aspect. Andy Reid... he might be a good coach (he's not), but the Eagles are far from a functional environment. First of all, Philadelphia fans hate even good quarterbacks; how are they going to respond when Bad Newz goes out there and throws his first pick, or bounces a couple of balls at the feet of Brian Westbrook? Because we all know that's going to happen, because Michael Vick is not a very good passing quarterback. He's got a serious arm, but absolutely no accuracy (and spending all that time in prison isn't going to improve his fade route accuracy, unless he roomed with Rae Carruth).

Donovan McNabb has no reason to feel threatened, and since he's friends with Ron Mexico, he won't care. Yes, I know that Donovan McNabb is a pussy when it comes to dealing with the pressure of fans, other players, playing quarterback, big game situations, digesting food properly, and Dancing with the Stars appearances, so maybe this will bother him. Eventually. Just not tomorrow. Besides, as often as Donovan gets hurt, he should accept that the team needs a decent backup and not run Vick out of town like he did Jeff Garcia. Even AJ Feely gives Donovan nervous gas; how's he supposed to react with a former All Pro behind him?

But Andy Reid? He's not the support system Vick needs, even with Tony Dungy doing the hard work for him. Andy Reid can't keep his own children off heroin. Andy Reid couldn't control the strong personality that is TO. Andy Reid can't manage the clock, either, but that's for another time. Andy Reid couldn't keep his easily-rattled quarterback from having a freakout at the end of the most important game of either of their careers, but Andy Reid is supposed to keep Mike Vick out of trouble while Vick gets LOTS OF FREE TIME in a big city?

Yeah, right.

I know Jaws is up the ass of the Iggles, and that's fine. He played there back when their quarterbacks didn't projectile yack Chunky Soup in the huddle. Still, someone should've called him/ESPN out on this Eagles fellatio session. But no, Andy Reid's a nice guy and he'll soon retire to join the broadcasting booth as one of 15 guys on NBC's Sunday Night Football Halftime Orgy, so no one wants to risk out on losing his services.

Stupid fucking move by the Eagles. I don't care how good Vick will be in two years' time, he's going to start damaging the team IMMEDIATELY just by being there. It's a matter of when, not if.

Get Out The Chapstick, It's Favre Time

It's amazing. The best summation of Favre and the Media, and I found it over at KSK. I guess anything is possible! Though, to be fair, they have been the leading source of anti-Favre sentiment, even before hating Brett's Wrangler-wearing ass was fashionable.

My only problem with the video is that, if TV has taught me nothing, it's that sportswriters can't not be on TV without screaming. Just ask Stephen A. Or better yet, don't.