The Match We All Want

So, I'm watching the televison and I see Mike Tyson's going on a touring exhibition all around the world. He's retired from boxing, but still in debt. While I think Mike's nuttier than Jim Ross's pet coon, I can't help but feel sorry for Mike. So, the solution.

Mike Tyson: The Department of Homeland Security Enforcer.

For every terrorist that comes to our dear US of fucking A, Mike gets to feed his murderous urges and himself, if he wants.

We solve a problem. Mike pays off his debts. We're happier and safer knowing that a sociopath is killing other sociopaths. In fact, we've got a PPV already set up.

Sponsored by Budweiser, Everlast, and George Foreman's Lean Mean Fat Draining Grilling Machine... For the thousands in website attendance. LET'S GET READY TO....

RUUUUUUUMBLE!!!

Coming to OnDemand PPV in November. The long overdue battle. "Iron" Mike Tyson vs. "The Jihad Kid" Osama bin Laden.

Let's get a tale shall we.

Michael Gerard Tyson.

Age - 40
Height - 5' 10"
Weight - 245 lbs.
Reach - 71"
Record - 50 W 6 L 0 D (44 KO)

Usāmah bin Muhammad bin 'Awad bin Lādin

Age - 49
Height - 6' 5"
Weight - 160 lbs.
Reach - 83"
Record - 2K W 54K L 10 D

Let's hear what the boxing world has to say.

Don King: "It's the beating in Beiruit, the clash in Cairo, the stomping in Syria, the raping of Riyadh!"

The Ghost of Burgess Meredith: "God damn it, Tyson! Beat the stuffin' outta him, ya bum!"

Jerry Springer: "This is more entertaining than the inbreds on my show, and I get them all from Mississippi..."

The Ghost of Cus D'Amato: "For the second time, he does a service to his country. Don't fuck it up this time, psycho."

Sugar Ray Leonard: "Fuck you, Richard. I've got my own Emmy nominated show!"

Oscar de la Hoya: "Talking to me about boxing is about as smart as talking to MTV about music, it doesn't work."

Sec. of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld: "Hey, it's all death to me..."

Brought to you proudly by OnDemand PPV and the Sports Bastards.

(Thanks go to our Editor-in-Chief, Ron Hogan, for the inspiration. Halo for the picture. Don't jack our shit, aight?)

Posted 09/06/06 by Rich | Filed under: Boxing

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Comments

Heh. Interesting. That's all I can say. Heh.

Posted by Luis at 09/06/06 17:04:52

Yes yes, we all love Ron. He's the best.

Posted by Ron at 09/06/06 21:51:40

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