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An Open Letter to Matt Leinart

Dear Mr. Leinart,

Welcome to the futility that is the Cardinals, sir. Now that you realize that your team isn't the University of Southern California that can do no wrong. You're now on the Phoenix, Arizona Cardinals that can't even do the SexyBack Option without killing their own offensive line in the process.

No cheap nicknames for the Cardinals. They suck bad enough to where I don't need to give them one. I know Paris's anorexic ass kept you up all night Sunday. She's practicing celibacy now, so only in her pooper, Matt. Maybe you had your mind on jizzing on her non-tits. Anyways, it's not everyday we get a chance to see her naked bod... Oh wait. Yes we do. Ron and I have the communal copy of 1 Night in Paris. I think Icon's got it this week, and he's mailing back to Ron next week.

It's not all of your fault. You just need a few things on your team. An offensive line. The real Edgerrin James, that crackish-looking fucker that used to talk shit while holding Peyton's balls. Uninjured wide recievers would help. Oh, and for you to stop rushing the ball to the recievers. While you guys are at it, a kicker might not be a bad idea, too.

To beat a team like the Bears you need balls, Matt. Until you grow the balls needed in the NFL like Vince Young did against the Skins, you're going to have to get used to this futility. Vince needed that ass-stomping by the Cowboys to man up. To see T.O. Riverdancing across the field while the Tardtans could only watch. Let's hope you do the same.

With Regards,

James Richard Brown
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I think calling the Tennessee Oilers the Tardtans is offensive to retards everywhere.

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