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New Rules for October 14, 2006

Alright, kids. I've been this past week without anything funny. The trend will probably continue as we speak. Rule time!

New Rules:

As our Spindoctor just stated, ice packs and morons do not mix. The Steelers will have to suck up that pain this season because some fuckers can't understand that you don't fall asleep with an icepack on you.

When the Cincinattica Bengals and the North Tijuana SuperConvicts play on November 12th, the following will need to come: The San Diego County Sheriff's Department with loading vans to let the players for the visiting team onto the field, Cincinattica's Police Work-Release Program to escort the Bungle Convicts out onto the field, the National Guard, Ed Hochuli (with Gunz) to defend most of the players in his actual job outside of the NFL, Johnny Cochran's corpse to call it all an outrage, The UN Peacekeeping Corps, possibly the Chinese military with shoot to kill orders, and Jim Rome to ridicule the whole fucking thing.

Stephen Jackson was arrested this past week for his involvement in a fight. Seems the fucker violated parole, again. So, along with Ohio, happy hour is cancelled for the Pacers and the Colts (Just covering my bases.) in Indiana.

Detroit might actually sweep the A's. Attention Michigan National Guard: Get out the AKs, fuckers. It's going to get critical.

Me-O is upgraded to a category 4 pussy this week. However, Vanderjagtass is still a category 1 now that his pussy healed properly.

Speaking of Me-O, I don't give a flying fuck about Little T. Big T's bad enough. How long before he starts throwing tantrums to Coach Billy about Drewie B throwing only to Terry G?

To the Yankees fans, Rogers isn't choking. Guess like everyone else who left NYC, he's doing a lot better now. Let's see if A-Rod agrees later on next season...

On that same note, next World Series miss, Torre shouldn't be on any chopping block. Instead, throw Cashman off of the Empire State Building, Boss. The person he lands near wins a million dollar contract from the Yankees.

The Cards aren't choking at the moment like Ron predicted. Get the duct tape and bottle water ready. If Kim Jong Il the Kook isn't gonna kill us, this might.

Seems the Madden Choke Curse is extending to both teams that play in the Super Bowl. Big Ben has a lower QB rating than Charlie Batch. Just saying...

Also, when a punk ass white boy is started in front of you, that's your cue to get better, Daunte.

Next time you have a thought, Adam Jones, I meant Punkman, fuck I meant Pacman. Anyways, next time you have a thought, Adam Jones, let it go. While you're at it, cut your dreads. You look like a mini version of Mark Henry. And he looks like a bastardized version of the Predator without the talent and fighting skills.

I have the perfect candiates for the World Series of Dice, the entire AFC South minus Indy, there's more thugs in that Division than in Oakland, North Tijuana, or Cincinattica. The top 10 in that series gets reshuffled to the said teams. The non-thugs go to the AFC South. Got it?

Finally, to be fair, the NFL should reshuffle the schedule just this once. Put the Titans against the Raiders. We'll see which team Roger needs to buy for contraction. Somebody has to win, because they don't entirely believe in a tie. Or do they...

All I've got, I'll do better next time.
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Just make sure Ron Artest doesn't attend any of the World Series games to pimp his album.

Posted by Chris at 10/14/06 13:50:31

Rich, I swear you post anti-Yankees stuff just to entice me to smack you around. :p

The only thing that kept Kenny Rogers from being a postseason goat is that somehow no one managed to rattle his cage. Usually, it doesn't take much; maybe a call that didn't go his way, or someone smacks his best pitch past the infield. He and Randy Johnson are cut from the same cloth that way--something doesn't go as planned and they can't let it go. The reason he has succeeded on teams other than the Yankees is that there's no real pressure on him to win anywhere else. Being a member of the Yankees means being roasted in the biggest pressure cooker in the world; a guy like Rogers gets turned to pulp in a place like that.

If I were Jim Leyland, I'd be crossing my fingers and hoping "The Gambler" doesn't fold. ;)

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