John Cena Has Mad Skills, Yo
Yeah. I'm a fucking liar sometimes. I know. So here I am browsing YouTube, just out of pure boredom, when I happen to stumble across a gem of a clip. Before I clicked the link to watch the now Google-owned YouTube video, I dug deep inside my memory to remember that I actually seen this before. It was a few years back, before John Cena was giving an FU to mass wrestling fans with his total lack of wrestling ability, and he was working in some promotion that WWE was leeching off of. And if this isn't the same clip, well, that whole sentence is worthless.
Either way, after I stopped reminiscing about a time when I didn't have to worry about seeing Cena on RAW every week telling me I can't see him, I clicked the link and watched the short, but highly entertaining video. Why so entertaining? Well, the instructor looked like Timothy Stack...you know, the guy off of the "Baywatch"-spoof television show "Son of the Beach." What? You never heard of it? Yeah, I'm not surprised. Anyway, as I was saying...the instructor looked like Timothy "Notch Johnson" Stack, the dude Cena will be performing with looks like Frankie Kazarian of TNA fame [who I hate, btw], and Cena's sitting there chewing a big wad of something. It's probably semen, because you know Cena loves the stuff.
Instructor Timmy Johnson tells the camera that The Prototype [Cena] will be displaying a reversal maneuver. Proto is suppose to hip-out, grab the wrist, and finish him off with an armbar, which is almost as simple as his STFU finisher he uses now. Either way, Cena fucks up.
As you can see, Cena does hip-out, but then ends up with a Hammerlock. That just tells us how great Cena is. He doesn't know a Hammerlock from an Armbar. He probably couldn't hear because he was chewing, which means he can't chew and listen at the same time. Hell, this actually proves something to me. Cena's just completely deaf. He has to be, since he doesn't hear the shit he says every week and his raps are just garbage.
Ugh. I'm sick of writing this. Cena makes me sick and I am not a Cena hater. I'm just a hater of bad wrestling. Boo to you Cena. Boo to you. This just gives me something else to laugh at you with.