Prison Blues vs Orange Jumpsuits
This is a race between the San Diego Chargers and the Cincinnati Bengals to see which team can have the most arrests during the season. The Chargers? you might be asking yourself. Since when were they in Cincinnatticas league?
Since they went all out, brother.
Lets go to the tale of the tape.
Total Arrests: 6
Chris Henry (4, multiple offenses bonus)
Odell Thurman (1)
Mathias Askew (1, Taser bonus)
Total Arrests: 5
Steve Foley (2, former Bengal, multiple shooting bonus, multiple offenses bonus)
Terrence Kiel (1, felony drug charge bonus)
Shaun Phillips (1)
Markus Curry (1)
As of right now, the Bengals have more offenses, but thats before you factor in the various bonuses on either side. Chris Henry earns a bonus for multiple offenses, while Mathias Askew earns the Tazer bonus. Thats a total score of 8 for the Bengals, which is almost Raiders-level criminality.
The Chargers, with 5 offenses, earn a multiple offense bonus, a former Bengal bonus, and a multiple shooting recipient bonus for team MVP (Most Valuable Prisoner) Steve Foley. Toss in Terrence Kiels felony drug charge bonus, and the two arrests for Shaun Phillips and Markus Curry, and you have a total score of 9 for the San Diego Chargers. Thats a very impressive number, no matter how you slice it.
Two teams, 11 total arrests. Pretty impressive numbers, and if I know these two scrappy, skilled squads, were going to be in for a treat as they battle to the wire to see just who can get the most players arrested in a season while trying to out do one another in terms of the grievousness of their various offenses. The Bengals are throwing out the red weenie strategy, in which they have a lot of smaller offenses, like weapons charges and wife beating. The Chargers are going for the gusto, with things like multiple assaults on a police officer and felony drug trafficking, while being committed enough to their thuggery to be shot with bullets for their cause.
My prediction on a winner? Well, thats simple. The winner is the NFL, who reaps millions of dollars in player fines.