"I want his heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah."
"If I don't get out of this financial quagmire there's a possibility I may have to be a punching bag for somebody," Tyson said Thursday at a news conference in Youngstown, Ohio. "The money I make here isn't going to help any of my bills really from a tremendous standpoint, but I'm going to feel better about myself. I'm not going to be depressed."
So in order to avoid being somebodys punching bag, Mike Tysons going to be somebodys punching bag? Sounds like the last thing Mike needs is to be punched in the head some more. This is the first fight on what is shaping up to be a four-rounds-per-fight world tour, starting with a fight with former sparring partner Corey T-Rex Sanders on October 20th, coming to pay-per-view.
That last part is not a joke; the fight will be part of a PPV special broadcast from the Chevrolet Center. But no worries serious boxing fans, therell be a few real fights on the PPV in addition to the freak show, lead by the return of Paul Spadafora among others.
Although Tyson figures to attract fans and viewers to the exhibitions, he can't figure out why.
"I think I'm useless to society," he told the assembled crowd. "I don't think I'm worthy of the people who come out to see me, but they do."
Hes right, people still do want to see him, even though everyone knows hes a shell of the fighter he used to be. If someone is willing to pay to see him, or watch him work out in a casino, then so be it. Hed be dumb not to take their money, and I hope this helps him out with some of his debt.
Were talking about him now, arent we? Is he going to bite off another ear? Is he going to quit on his stool? 30-second-knockout? Knockout shot after the bell? Is he going to get knocked out? Is he going to try to break someones arm? Is he going to fight with class and dignity? You cant predict a goddamn thing this guy is going to do, and THAT is why people want to see him.
I dont think Tysons a terrible person. I think hes dumb, violent, and mentally-unstable, but I view Mike like I view the Frankenstein Monster. He doesnt know hes doing bad, hes just too strong/desperate for his own good. Boxing is the only thing that Mike Tyson has in life to make him any money, and when you sense your career is in jeopardy, youll do anything to keep your head above water.
When he was still a serious fighter, Tyson would fight dirty when he got cornered. Now that he cant cut it anymore (but hes still a huge draw), hes trying a new money-making tactic. Hence, the exhibition tour.
Hes not the first boxer to do this, nor will he be the last. Joe Louis did it. Muhammad Ali did it. Even John L. Sullivan, the first modern heavyweight champion, did it to raise a little money on a cross country train trip. In 1879, he challenged anyone in America to fight him for $500. In 1883-1884 Sullivan went on a coast-to-coast tour by train with five other boxers. It was scheduled to comprise 195 performances in 136 different cities and towns over 238 days. To help promote the tour, Sullivan announced that he would box anyone at any time during the tour under the Queensberry Rules for $250.
Maybe some good will come out of these exhibitions. Tysons ability to be taken seriously as a heavyweight is totally gone, but at least he can restore his name (to some degree). His candor is refreshing after years of posturing to a goofy degree. Also refreshing is his newfound sense of what I can only describe as peace. He seems content with his station in life, which is good.
Tysons not the boogeyman hes lead us to believe, nor is he the boogeyman we believe him to be. Hes simply a man-child who doesnt know any better. We can only hope hes no longer a danger to himself and others.
Well, okay, he can be dangerous to one person.
Fortunately for us, hes gonna be stopping in the Middle East on his way around the universe, so we can only hope he catches a certain 66 terrorist/murder/kidneyless guy in a dark alley somewhere. Thatd be about the only way Id pay to watch a Tyson exhibition fight.
Well, unless he fought a bear. Say, on a Fox TV special event? Can we make this happen?