Under the Tarp: Accumulated Wrestling Crud vol. 1
Crud of the Week:
Kurt Angle joins TNA -- Umm, how the fuck did this happen? Less than a month ago, WWE was forced to release Kurt from his contract so he could slow down, heal his injuries, kick his painkiller habit, and mend fences with that nut job he calls a wife. Then, out of the blue, Dixie Designing Women Carter announces that Angle has joined the TNA roster. Boy how I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall in Vince McMahons office when that bomb dropped. Ill bet his face turned red and he started throwing things at Shane. Poor Shane. He probably gets a lot of shit thrown at him on a daily basis as the official whipping boy of WWE.
Shane: Why dont you love me like you love Stephanie!?
Vince: Because Shane, then it wouldnt just be incest--itd also be gay.
Personally, this news makes my nipples hard! The one thing wrestling has needed most since the collapse of WCW and ECW is another marquee wrestling brand to take their place. Since 2001, WWE has been left alone to play with itself, and as anyone that has played with himself or herself knows, after a while, it just starts to hurt. Competition breeds excellence. Its true in the retail world, in the job market, and its damn true in entertainment driven industries. While TNA has already picked up a number of solid performers in Sting, Christian Cage, Rhino, and Billy Gunn (I KEED, I KEED)--along with a stable of fresh homegrown and indy talent to establish--they lack that one guy that will make the few who actually watch wrestling in a regular basis sit up and notice. By signing Kurt Angle, they pretty much guarantee themselves that notice. Now its just up to TNAs creative team to hook these viewers to the product with fresh booking.
TNA also helps their chances in landing other big names by signing Angle as well. The biggest free agent out there right now that isnt two years away from wearing diapers or climbing into a coffin is Chris Jericho. After failing to break into mainstream media despite blatantly whoring himself out to outlets like VH1 and the TV Guide Channel (I choose to ignore his one and done appearance on Celebrity Duets because it was that fucking awful), Jericho has mentioned that he sees himself returning to the ring before too long. This bit of news came from a newsbyte on the WWE.com website, which hints that hell return to WWE; but what if TNA can nab him, and who is to say they couldnt? If Jericho went back to WWE right now, hed be a big deal for about a month, and then hed be right back to glorified midcarder status (ie: small fish in a big pond). But, if Jericho went to TNA, his impact would be ten times bigger, last that much longer, and hed get to share in the responsibility of creating the first major threat to the McMahon empire in half a decade. The bragging rights alone ought to be enough to tip signing Jericho in TNAs favor.
Back to Angle: The only drawback to Kurt going with TNA, and in this fashion, is the potential burning of the bridge hed spent six years building with Vince. But as weve seen in the past through Vinces dealings with Hogan, Piper, Dusty Rhodes, and other old-times, burned bridges in sports entertainment are about as commonplace as shower rapes--they happen every day. In wrestling, the almighty dollar reigns supreme. Just look at WWEs continued desire to resign Brock Lesnar, who has all but gone out of his way to not only burn his bridge, but also piss on its ashes, and all with a smile on his face.
A buddy of mine suggested that Christian could have been a driving force behind Kurts defection to TNA. While thats purely fanboy speculation, it does bring up an interesting possibility. With the number of former WWEers rapidly increasing in TNA, what better means to recruit disgruntled WWE performers than with the testimonials of their real life friends that have already jumped? Christian very well could have been selling Angle TNA for some time now, just as he could likely be selling it to Jericho. The possibilities are really endless now that the door to the party has been officially kicked in by TNA.
One thing is for sure: I cannot WAIT until Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe! That match has FIVE STARS written all over it.
WWE Releases Kid Kash -- Good riddance. This guy is a ring wart of the worst degree. Not only is he boring in the ring, but hes boring out of the ring. To top it off, his hot-shit stunt getting released from TNA to go to WWE shall forever be regarded as one of the dumbest decisions Ive ever seen a professional wrestler make. Despite the high-volume of suck this guy offers viewers, TNA had given him all sorts of face time. Pushed him as their premiere X-Division heel. He had the opportunity to be apart of something special as TNA grew, but instead, he pisses it all away to go do the job in WWE. TNA would do themselves a disservice bringing this douche back into the fold. I say let his cocky little ass go wrestle midgets in Mexico or Japan. We no need him here. Thanks.
Eric Biscoff on RAW -- Biscoffs got a book to promote. His return is a one-shot only deal. Too bad. I miss Eric as the RAW GM. He was/is a hell of a lot more entertaining than Vince. Hes the sort of guy people love to hate, without ever really getting on your nerves. It was a shame to see him go the way he did, and its a shame to see hes not yet back for good. Maybe when Vince gets tired of being on TV again, well get Bischoff back full-time. If that is at all possible, I hope that day comes sooner than later. By the way--I probably wont be buying the book, but thanks for the appearance anyway!
Rikishi Gets Arrested -- Apparently the harbinger of the Stink Face failed to show for a hearing due to being held in contempt. I dont understand what all this means, but apparently it was no big deal. Rikishi went in without much of a fuss. Why cant wrestlers just stay out of trouble? Its not that hard is it?
WWE Signs Too Cold Scorpio -- Im not sure why WWE has a hard-on for all these old farts, but if Too Cold can do half as well as Finley has on Smackdown or Vis has on RAW, hell be a welcome addition to either roster. As long as they dont make him over as Flash Funk again, Ill be happy.
The Big Finish:
To cap off this little article/rant/log of incoherent babble Ive decided to leave you with a video clip that Ive been enjoying for several months now. Its a short clip of Precious Paul Ellering--yes, THAT Paul Ellering--long before he ever managed the Road Warriors. It's short, and relatively insignificant, but shit is it funny!