New Rules for September 20, 2006.
Alright, fuckies. Enough nice, rule time. So, the new rules:
As mentioned above, you are not an authority on baseball. He is. We're not insiders, we're reporters of what we hear. Well, in SB's case, we make fun of what we hear. Let's not get that confused.
If your team is losing then the score does fucking matter, so quit posing, faggot. Fucking do your job and win. Detroit's already had enough misery, fuckhead. The Tigers sucked, and now they're winning. Step up, you fucking studio gangsta.
An addendum to the standing rule for the national anthem: the rules are meant for the athletes. If you are in the cheap seats, we understand the fear of heights.
Pac-10 officals always have and always will be subpar. Get used to having that loss, you Oklahomos.
Also, never trust a Pac-10 official to get anything right for anything. They can't get games between their own teams right, and they need to be out.
Pete Carroll, nobody gives a shit what Brent Musburger says. You've got more important shit to worry about. Like losing the 2005 trophy, thanks to Reggie and Matt.
Jason Giambi is not the fucking authority on jack fucking shit. You've got a Tic Tac ballsack and a Pixy Stick dick with a Mardi Gras head now. Get off A-Rod's ass and shut the fuck up, 'Roid Boy. He's choked less in the clutch than you have.
Big Ben will be fine. I'd like to see you come back to work after an appendectomy. I'll bet that you can't. I had five teeth taken out, and I found it hard to write here or for other places. Lay off, he'll get back to it.
Derek Jeter may be the captain, but I'm calling him out. Jeet, you're a douchebag. Read above on why.
More NFL name changes. Carolina is now BALCO East. And you pretty much have the Giambi/Bonds effect there now, only they suck a lot more.
Tennessee Titans will not finish above .500 this season. Next season is looking fucking grim due to the lovely Jaime Sue's team getting the only QB that can do shit on the Titans. Go Chargers.
The Tennessee Vols could actually beat the Tennessee Titans, but then again, so could Carson-Newman College. At least Carson-Newman has a kicker when it matters.
Yes, the more weight Phillip Fulmer loses, the more they manage to win, except against Florida. Don't know how, just going with it. Maybe when he loses the equivalent weight of WeeMan from Jackass, they might get a National Title again. Although last I checked, he needed a black quarterback to do it.
Mike Vanderjagtass comes back in time for the Redskins, only to watch as T.O. breaks a finger. Don't worry, he'll be back for Philly. The Cowboys can afford to let him sit against the Titans. The third string needs the practice anyways.
That's all I got.