Performing a nut check
Then, he got fired after four years on the job. A male basketball coach was fired for getting his male players to slide a hand down their pants (as if they weren’t going to rush home and do that 8 or 9 times before bed) and check to make sure they still had penises, because as he put it, "tonight's game was about who had the biggest (male genitalia) in town." In other words, he picked the best way to motivate any athlete: pick on their pride, and for his successful motivation (his team won the game), he was rewarded with a pink slip.
It’s classic locker room talk. When you can’t motivate an athlete through money or civic pride, you go to the classic respect card, and the dick-check is just another example of how to fire up a team. Not only has Coach Remillard used this card before, it’s one of the most common cards thrown out throughout sports.
Some other famous examples of the use of the wang card in sports lie below the cut.
Coach and former Detroit Piston Bad Boy, Bill Laimbeer, did this same halftime speech during his 2006 run to the WNBA Championships with the Detroit Shock. During the pivotal game 5, he told his women to reach into their pants and check their dicks. Lo and behold, the Shock won the game and the hearts of dozens of lesbians everywhere.
"It's dick-check time (said in German, of course)!" was the rallying cry of the 1976 East German Women's Swim Team. True to form, those fine Teutonic broads manned up and dominated their events, nearly performing a clean sweep. Their theme song was “Big Balls,” by AC-DC
Santhi Soundarajan, the famous Indian (from the country, not the reservation) middle-distance runner, celebrates every successful race with a trip to the erotic massage parlor, where she always gets the happiest of endings.
During every one of his 7 Tour De France wins, Lance Armstrong routinely performed in-stage nut checks, and had his teammates do the same. Of course, Armstrong was checking to make sure his left nut was still there, and his teammates were checking for cancer on their own balls, but still. They had their hands down their pants and they felt nuts, but it was for the good of the team.
To be serious for a moment, I think Coach Remillard just wanted to make sure everyone on his varsity squad was wearing a cup, without asking them to name the capital of Thailand. To think, someone’s concern over the future health of his players could cost him his job. It’s a damning indictment of this pussy-ass country we live in today.
Newsflash, people. This is basketball, not youth soccer. Every game has a winner and a loser, and if you lose enough games, some coach loses his fucking job. Apparently, if you win the game and use rough talk, you can still lose your job. God forbid you leg a coach do his fucking job.
Maybe that’s why Bill Parcells retired; he got tired of bitchy phone calls from T.O.’s grandmother every time Bill called him The Player and refused to hug him on the sidelines. Whining to mommy and daddy about the fact that coach talked about your little wiener is seriously a Jap play.
Posted 02/03/07 by Ron | Filed under: General Sports
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