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Barton Banged Up

It's been an interesting end to the football season: Man United and Chelsea finished on equal points, but the Premiership trophy stayed at Old Trafford, thanks to a superior goal difference; Portsmouth, under the stewardship of the irrepressible Harry Redknapp, clinched the FA Cup; and then Man Utd added to their haul with the European Cup, with another victory over Chelsea.

All good stuff, but the thing that got my attention more than anything was the Joey Barton story, partly because I'm a Newcastle fan and partly because it illustrates just how fucked up and stupid the world really is. For those not in the know, Mr Barton was this week sentenced to a six-month prison term for a violent altercation outside McDonald's (he gets paid thousands of pounds a week and he still eats shit), in which he repeatedly punched a man while he was on the ground and then smashed in a 16-year-old's teeth. Considering his previous history, it’s amazing he wasn’t jailed for longer. The man is clearly scum.

What is wrong with the world?

The Bad Boy Barton Blues

Despite their utter lack of quality in the last few seasons, I remain a Newcastle fan. However, I can't say I've agreed with some of their signings in the past. In fact, I'd rather the team was relegated, than have the likes of Lee Bowyer wearing the black and white shirt. For those that don't know, Bowyer was involved in a court case, where he was accused of beating up a young Asian man. Bowyer was not alone in court either, as his fellow footballer Jonathan Woodgate was also involved. Several weeks, and a few expensive lawyers later, Bowyer was acquitted, and Woodgate had to do community service, for the charge of affray. At the time, they were playing for Leeds, but they both went on to become Newcastle players. Now, they've moved on to different clubs, and I for one am glad to see the back of them.

Unfortunately, Newcastle have done it again. This time, they've signed Joey Barton, a player who in the past has been in trouble for poking a lit cigar in the eye of a youth player, and assaulting a 15-year-old Everton supporter. Most recently, he allegedy assaulted Ousmane Dame, a team mate at his former club, Manchester City.

Speaking to Radio 5live, he said "I'm not a bad boy... I'll make bad decisions and make good decisions, just like anyone else - I'm not some superhuman robot just because I play football... I've been trying to lead a good life and be a good person." It's difficult to have sympathy for a man like Joey Barton, especially with his odd superhuman robot argument. I've never tried to extinguish a cigar in another person's eye, and last time I checked, I wasn't Optimus Prime.

The fact is, he's a very bad person, and that's unlikely to change. Looking at his notorious relatives gives you an idea of what kind of stock he comes from. His brother and cousin were convicted of the violent, racist killing of 18-year-old Anthony Walker, and currently, two more of his cousins are wanted by police in connection with the murder of Thomas Harrison. Of course, Joey Barton is not responsible for, or connected to any of this in any way, but oddly, I'd rather he weren't playing for my team.