Alright, folks, it's the Takeover...the break's over peoples. Time to go off on random things within the world of sports, because if I don't...then the Four Letter Network will continue filling your mind with their FNC (Fox News Channel) spin shit and we just can't have that now can we? Now I give you all my word that before the close of Divisional Weekend you'll not only get my predictions on the Divisional Round...but you're in for a treat!

The first NBA column of 2010!!! (Oh yeah, Ren & Stimpy are jumping for joy right now.)

Alright to get with the proceedins' this mornin'. First up!!!

Pete Does Starbucks, Trojans Invade Rocky Top...And That Other Los Angeles School.
- So in a move that a week ago, wasn't even on the radar of anyone but just surfaced like a submarine from hell...Pete Carroll's going back to the NFL. Not only that, he's going to the Seattle Seahawks. (Seattle?! Really?! Not even the damn Thunder wanted to stay in Seattle! I'll get to this in a bit.) So...three weeks before National Signing Day when these adolescent slaves err, student athletes get to endebt themselves to working without getting a dime for at least two years, USC was in a bind. They've seen the balance of power shift to Eugene, Oregon as the trophy which stayed in Los Angeles is now in Duck territory. So what's an AD to do in order to get this right?

Reassemble the cast of characters that was in place seven years ago during the glory days, only with a new man at the top. AD Mike Garrett talked Lane and his dad out of Rocky Top, may have talked Ed Orgeron, recruiting extraordinaire will join him. Monte's there, they're presently trying to talk Norm Chow back to Southern Cal with the rest of 'Da Band'. (Yeah, I'll get to wrestling later on too.) So...is Pete a weasel for leaving upon the looming possibility that USC might be hit by Big Daddy NCAA for wrongdoings thanks to Reggie Bush? Is Lane spineless for leaving Rocky Top after one year? Is Pete moronic for going back to the NFL where he has been classified by most as a "failure"? Let's answer all of these in order, shall we?


Why Seattle's Not As Bad As You Think...(Same Goes For Petey.)
- Pete Carroll's record has to be the single most scrutinized record I've ever seen. Here's a man who has been labeled as a "failure" by most circles (I was even surprised at some of the talking heads on the Four Letter Network that were using it as well), but has coached in three playoff games in his career. Three. For a caretaker to what would ultimately become the Belichick Empire...that's not bad at all. Oh and take into consideration, he had Drew Bledsoe as his QB and had to succeed some guy named Bill Parcells after Robert Kraft wouldn't let him shop for the groceries to cook the meal. Or something to that effect.

Pete made the most of an impossible situation then and nobody really gives him his just due for not failing outright. They just find it conveinent to say it enough so that everyone believes it and to their credit, most do. However, the Seattle job isn't that bad and I'll tell you why. For starters, he's in the worst division in the NFC. The West. The Cardinals have won it the last two seasons by default more or less. Unless Matt Leinart's got something in his tank we haven't seen, it's not out of the realm of possibility to think that if Warner's serious about this being his farewell run...there's going to be a void at the top of that division. (I mean let's face it, Leinart was less than stellar in his relief stints and lest we forget, it was Warner who took his job to begin with.) There's talent in Seattle for Pete to work with on both sides of the ball. They've got a good nucleus in the passing game and Justin Forsett might be a reasonably serviceable back. Hasselbeck's not done, but the time's rapidly approaching for a young understudy to be brought up and fast.

This division is winnable and the rebuilding project isn't as much of a farce as most believe it is. As for USC, sometimes you set the bar so high for yourself, it's virtually impossible to top it. I mean, their run in the Double 0's brought back memories of FSU in the 90s who were a fixture in the Top 5 and were consistently in the national title race. Like FSU, they won 2, would've been 3 if not for Vince Young and the 'Horns. But Pete did what Joe Pesci did in Casino...when the heat's coming, get out of town and fast. So...

Is Lane Kiffin Really The Right Man For This Job & What To Make Of Him Leaving Rocky Top After A Year?
- Let's not kid ourselves here. No matter what becomes of Urban Meyer, Florida's the kingpin of the SEC East. That's their throne, they got it back and it's going to take a Herculean effort to get them off of it. Lane would've probably resembled a human hamster running the wheel, trying to recruit against Florida and the heavyweights in the SEC West trying to field a team that could not only compete against those teams...but beat them year in and year out. You're not going to outdo Saban now that Bama's fully back on the map. You're not outdoing the New Ball Coach down in Gainesville either. Hell, the Ole Ball Coach is still humming down in Columbia with the Gamecocks.

So an opportunity arises for you to go "home" where it's infinitely easier compared to what you'd have to endure in the SEC on a yearly basis. With a primo catch this offseason and praying the Reggie Bush thing doesn't have as much weight as most believe it does, USC recaptures its swag and the Pac-10 to boot. (Consider this people, whether anyone realizes it or not, Boise State is now the Don of the Left Coast. You heard it here first.) Matt Barkley definitley showed he's capable of running that offense and you've gotta believe the system shouldn't change MUCH from what he ran a year ago. Monte should work wonders with that D, given he'll have much better talent to work with compared to a year ago in Tennessee. I mean all things being equal, even if they're hit with sanctions, you ride it out and continue doing your thing. Auburn did it during the mid 90s, even last decade and they turned out alright. (Well, aside from going undefeated in I believe it was 2004, they were relatively obscure. But I digress.) But Lane recognized there was more potential to succeed in USC compared to Tennessee and he went for it. Sue him. Alright, next up on our docket...

To Roid Or Not To Roid And Why We Should All Thank Jose For Outing These Cheats.
- So in our 'Sky Is Blue, Water Is Wet' portion of my rantings, we get Mark McGwire finally admitting to the world what we've pretty much known since 1998. Yes, he juiced and yes, his juicing led to him improving his ability to knock the ball a ton. Now to the credit of the Four Letter Network, they did grill Mark rather nicely on why he felt the need to continue taking the PEDs even after he was healthy. Yet and still, Mark in typical Baseball Cheat fashion maintains that the PEDs didn't improve his ability to hit the ball. His stance and other BS laced mechanics shit helped him hit over 150 or close to that number long balls to close out the 90s. Uh, huh. Yeah, Mark.

Know what? I want to read Jose Canseco's book now in its entirety. I need to know every last name he put in there because you know what? His book is like the Baseball Black Book now. I'd place dollars to dimes that Jose probably knows every last name that's on baseball's "Roid List" and well, let this be the reason why that sport will continue losing every shred of credibility it has left. It continues to foster these cheats and it's not doing enough to hold them accountable for their actions. Know why they're called Performance Enhancing Drugs, Mark? Because they ENHANCE YOUR PERFORMANCE!!! Sure, you can adjust your swing and spend hours at a time in a batting cage. Cool. I imagine when you're in a zone, the game slows down enough to where you can make contact on a consistent basis as he did during his latter days in St. Louis. But to even imply or suggest that your use of steroids didn't enhance your ability to treat certain days like you were playing Tee Ball, insults the intelligence of not just myself, but every baseball fan that's sick of questioning many on the actions of a few.

You, Sammy & Barry Bonds have cast a shadow over the game that it will probably never shake free of. When you went in front of Congress a few years back and wouldn't admit to or answer anything related to the drug, I knew you were guilty. It was just a matter of time before you finally cracked. As for Jose, there are those who view him as a snitch. A man who used steroids and then dimed out every last person he used with, but as Frank Costello said in his last moments in The Departed...

"I never ratted on anyone who wasn't going down anyway."

Oh and consider this, Mark. If Jose were really lying about you and what he has said in his book, why hasn't he been sued for libel or slander by well...anyone Jose's mentioned in detail in that book? Common sense says, you're not pissy about a lie. You get pissy about the TRUTH. Lies are pretty. The truth is an ugly thing. Oh Tony, don't think I've forgotten about you either in all of this shit. You've been on my shit list since your Cards beat the Mets in the 2005 NLCS. There's no way, no how I believe that you managed these two (Canseco and McGwire) during your heyday in Oakland and had no clue they were juicing. Nobody with two functioning halves of your brain is willing to buy you're that naive, Tony. You knew and as long as you were winning, which you were in Oakland and later in the S-T-L (yet ironically, it wasn't until Pujols came along that you got your mojo back), you didn't care. Just like every owner and manager that had a steroid using player on their roster or payroll, as long as those checks kept coming in and fans filled the stadium, the ends always justified the means. (Note, I'm done with baseball entirely if it ever comes out that Pujols used PED. DONE. He's the last great hope for purity in a game that's all but devoid of it now.)

A-Roid joined McGwire and Canseco as winners of the World Series who give credit steroids for the power surges they had in their career. If you read through the lines of each confession these cheats have given, they won't outright say they used, they just apologize for having done it. After watching McGwire's crocodile tear laced interview on ESPN (I won't watch his "admission" with Costas, my BS Meter is on overkill as is), I laugh at the notion that he has "a strong mind". If you had a "strong mind", what does it say for your will that you used a substance that KILLED Lyle Alzado? What does it say about your morals and ethics that you willingly used a drug that while there may have been no law against it back then, gave you an advantage that very few in the game knew about or even would've taken if given the chance.

You're spineless, Mark. Plain and simple. Just like Sammy 'I Want To Be White So I Can Get A Pass For My Roids Too' Sosa, just like Barry Bonds, just like Alex Rodriguez who of them all, you can make the case that he did NOT need the drugs to get ahead. A-Rod was a great hitter in every sense of the word. He used steroids because like McGwire, he was weak willed and wanted to hit the long ball. Oh and since we're talking about "guns" in a metaphorical sense, what better way to close than with...

Woke Up This Morning...They Got Themselves Some Guns!
- As if being injured off and on wasn't bad enough for the Wizards, Gilbert Arenas decided to turn a simple card game with Javaris Crittenton into something out of the Wild West with guns being drawn. (Or in the case of Javaris, cocked and loaded with a round in the chamber.) I'm not sure if Gilbert really believes that it was a joke, but Gil...come on man. Did you honestly think that with Iron Hand Stern running things, he was going to see humor in that? Did you seriously believe that after all the backlash he had to endure with Artest and Stephen Jax taking on the Pistons fans in Auburn Hills, he'd what? Let you off with a slap on the wrist?

YOU BROUGHT GUNS TO YOUR PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT!!!

In most walks of life, you're carted off in handcuffs for such a moronic thing. Never mind the fact that you wanted to keep them away from your kids. Are your kids that fucking brilliant that they can crack open safes? Let's call a spade a spade here, shall we? You're a moron who thought that springing a gun on a teammate was funny. Then, as if it wasn't bad enough, you decide to go all Texas Tech during pregame introductions throwing up your mock pistols. Did 24 hours even go by after your 'Lawyer Laced" statement? Your stunt Gilbert gives a whole new "clip" if you will, to every last dumbass out there that says the NBA's nothing more than a bunch of thugs in basketball shorts and sneakers running up and down the court for 48 minutes a night. Never mind the fact that David Stern had to implement a dress code to get players dressing the part of actual professionals. That their millions aren't going to strip clubs, bars and paternity suits. You successfuly managed to do three things with your stunt.

1) You probably ended your season and in the present climate the NBA's in, maybe your career all because you had to play a joke that nobody would've found remotely funny. It's all fun and games until someone gets their brain blown out.
1B) You most likely brought an expeditious end to what was the most talented Wizards team in recent memory. It wasn't bad enough that you couldn't beat LeBron in the postseason, or be healthy enough to help them get back. But now, standup guys like Caron Butler and Antwan Jamison are forced to toil through a season in which they most likely won't make the playoffs and have to hope they get a call telling them they've been traded to a playoff team or title contender.
2) You've succeeded in setting the NBA's image back a few years by reminding folks that for every Tim Duncan and Steve Nash, there's a moron like you who can't keep his gun at home even if it's not being fired into the air like we're in Beirut.

I'll get into the basketball ramifications of your senseless act in my baskeball column, but Gilbert, you're a moron of the Grade A variety. Lute Olson has to be rolling over in his grave right now, for having coached someone of your caliber. (Charles Barkley filter OFF)