Fall Ramblings And The Cleveland Theory In Detail...
- LCS shit. I know this will upset uber Yank fan Jade, but I want the Yanks to win the ALCS. I do. Really. Why? Because I want to see Dodgers/Yankees in the World Series. I want Joe Torre to get his getback against The Boss, his idiotic sons and the organization that basically hung him out to dry because the ORGANIZATION went away from the model that got them on top of the baseball world from 1996-2000.
- The Giants are undefeated. I tried telling folks, the issue everyone thought WAS an issue, really wasn't. Maybe they'll listen now. However, I'm torn because they face Shockey, Drew Marino and the Saints in the Bayou. Half of me, wants Shockey to have a great game (even if from a fantasy standpoint, I'll only benefit if I start him, which I really won't) to show Reese and Coughlin they just flat out fucked up in sending him packing. On the flip side, I'm inclined to think that the Giants are the best team in the NFC (win or lose Sunday) that's BUILT to win in January.
Eli's won in January, on the road. I'll give him a pass for last season's Divisional drubbing, but still. I'm not so sure about Drew and the Saints. Now, for the 'Cleveland' portion of my ranting...
- Braylon Edwards is dealt to the Jets for virtually...NOTHING. So why is he dealt? Because he got into it with a friend of LeBron. Okay, let's rewind this back a minute. A football player is dealt not because of something on the field, but because he got into it with the friend of a BASKETBALL PLAYER!!! *Sighs* Ya know, this state just makes it too easy for me. Really, it does. From Ohio Generated Holidays such as "Sweetest Day" (don't bother looking for it on your calendars, you won't find it unless you get an Ohio printed one) to teams that make moronic moves like this...
Now let me go Hubie Brown for a bit...
You're the Cleveland Browns. You're probably the most abysmal franchise in football that virtually nobody's really caring enough about to laugh at. You've got one playoff appearance in 10 years. You've gone through QBs the way porno stars go through fuck buddies. For all the first round picks you've made, only THREE remain on your active roster and only two are actually starting. You say Brady Quinn's your guy out of training camp, then pull the plug on him just three games into the year so you can throw the ball downfield. Alright, understandable. But answer me this, who are you throwing to now that Braylon's gone? That Massaquoi guy? Kid Robiskie? The not Royal from Denver guy?
But to trade your best and only real playmaking threat downfield, for getting into it with the friend of a guy who may not be around after this season...surely you jest. How moronic will the Browns look if they did this to appease LeBron, but LeBron leaves? (Which I fully believe will happen.) So let us chronicalize the comings and goings of various Cleveland stars...
- C.C. Sabathia gets dealt to Milwaukee, then signs with the Yanks. Might be four wins away from going to the World Series.
- Cliff Lee, wins Cy Young, gets dealt to Philly, might help Phils be first NL team to repeat as World Series Champions. (Also note, this is the ONLY INSTANCE where I will openly root for the Yanks.)
- Kellen Winslow Jr. gets dealt to Tampa Bay and short of them having a serious revival, will suck for a bit. The defense no longer has Monte behind it, their offense is in reconstructive mode.
- Braylon Edwards is dealt to the Jets, giving the Jets the playmaker they need alongside Jerricho Cotchery (that's gotta be the oddest name I've ever heard). Mark Sanchez now has the playmaker he needs and what's more, (they're both YOUNG!!!) the Jets are set to be great while the Pats are slowly but steadily getting longer in the tooth.
Meanwhile, what are the Browns doing? No, really, what ARE they doing? I mean, Cincy's in 1st place. Read that again and yes, I'm patting myself on the back for calling this before anyone else did...the BENGALS ARE IN FIRST PLACE HALFWAY THROUGH OCTOBER!!! This franchise was considered to be the NFL equivalent of the Jail Blazers during the middle of this deacde circa Zach Randolph punching out Dale Davis.
If you're a Browns fan, you should really have your head in a bag. Or want management's in a few.
- Big college weekend this weekend. Can Notre Dame do the unthinkable and beat USC? Can Overrated University stick it to the Horns? Can Spurrier (remember him?) beat Saban and the Tide? On a personal note, can Rutgers actually beat a team that's got a pulse and get back in the Big East Title hunt? (Note, I'm honestly LIVID that they blew that season opener and Cincy's propelled itself into the Top 10 ever since.)
- Oh and Rush wanting to buy the Lambs. Know what? I don't care about Rush. I don't care about the Lambs. I don't even care that Sharpton's leading the charge against it. They suck. They're going to suck for a very long while.
Alright, since I gave Jade my word I'd do it, allow me to give you The Cleveland Theory. Now, this is in no relation to The Cleveland Show (which I'm honestly interested in, now that I'm getting more and more into Family Guy), this will speak to why the city of Cleveland is...okay hold up. I think if I just state it, you'll understand.
The Cleveland Theory
- Under the notion of The Cleveland Theory, it states that nothing in the city of Cleveland on a professional level will win until they leave. Basically, Cleveland in short, is the Black Hole of Pro sports. For instance, look at Ron Harper. For years in the 80s, he was a really good shooting guard for those Cavs teams that were close, but no cigar thanks to Chicago. When did he get his first ring? When he finally got dealt to...Chicago. Okay, let's go football. The Browns.
Bill Belichick. Much maligned head coach in the early 90s, after he sat underneath the Tree Of Tuna in NY. Had the balls to send Bernie Kosar packing (did him a favor as it turns out, as he ended up getting his ring with Dallas) and everyone assumes he can't coach. Goes to New England and the rest as they say, is history. (Note, this is probably why the Browns ran to Man-dummy. Hoping this is their mulligan for the Hoodie they threw away.)
Charlie Manuel...no, let me wait on him. Manny Ramirez. Started out as a young slugger, not really thought of in their arsenal filled lineups during the mid 90s. Leaves Cleveland for Boston and if this doesn't tell you the Cleveland Theory is real...NOTHING ELSE WILL.
Boston prior to 2004, were "cursed". Hadn't won a World Series since 1918 or something like that, hadn't beaten the Yankees in the postseason in EVER. Bucky F'N Dent in that one game playoff 1978. Aaron Bleeping Boone in Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS. 0-3 hole in the 2004 ALCS, a defecit that in sports, is akin to being handed a death sentence by a Doctor. The only two teams to EVER come back from that, both played HOCKEY. Backed by Manny, Big Papi and the bloodied sock of Curt Schilling (I should point out, I'm reading The Yankee Years and the procedure Curt underwent was morbidly fugly. I don't even want to repeat it and when I finish this book, I will post my review of it. Oh and let me state for the record, I've got a newfound respect for Joe Torre I didn't think was possible during his years as Yankee skipper.)...they do the unthinkable. They bounce back from an 0-3 hole and dethrone the Yanks.
Charlie Manuel gives Philly its first professional title since the year I was born (1980), after leaving Cleveland a few years back.
Cliff Lee and C.C. Sabathia win Cy Youngs and get traded in consecutive years.
The Indians haven't won a World Series since the 40s. Their present movement will ensure the streak shall continue.
The Browns are one of a handful of NFL teams that have never been to a Super Bowl. (See last sentence above.)
Jay Crawford last week on ESPN2's First Take, posted a graphic that had 17 Indians players on it on 6 of the 8 playoff teams. You could actually field a team with ex-Indians that are or were as the present day would have it, with what's been let go of by Cleveland.
So now, we've got Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow Jr. sent packing by the Browns. Brady's got his house on the sale and that's news. (Imagine how it's going to be in Ohio about playoff time, especially if the Cavs are on the verge of being punched out. Panic Central, doesn't do it justice. Oh and I will expound on this in a week or two, do NOT think LeBron won't leave next July. I'm not giving away the "why" now, but I'm going to reveal before ANYONE ELSE IN THE U.S.A. why you might want to bank on his season opener against Boston being the start of LeBron's Farewell Tour.)
In short, the Cleveland Theory is real. It exists. That is all.
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