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It's a SKIPB Special!

Yet another SKIPB award, and this one’s a joint offering, compliments of myself and SB’s own Rich, who is currently hiding out in Arlington Stadium in his new role as Josh Hamilton’s stalker while waiting on the next coming of Nolan Ryan.

Today’s award is a two-fer, dedicated both to a player and his devotedly pathetic following. The player really needs no introduction, especially since he’s been the topic of just about every form of football-related media for the past few days. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

Mr. Brett Favre—talented QB, heartburn sufferer (and cause, if you probably ask any of the Packers management)--and now, big, fat, whiny crybaby. Only someone with an ego the size of Barry Bonds’ steroid-swollen noggin would have the gall to:

1. Keep his team and his fans twiddling their thumbs while he decided if he should play or not, as Favre did last year.

2. Announce his retirement after the season with much drama and tears, resulting in a media and fan frenzy of tributes mixed with much pleading and begging for him to change his mind.

3. Turn down a plan for him to come out of said retirement and return to the Packers in MARCH, two days before the deal was to be finalized, claiming that he was indeed retired for good.

4. Come back four months later and not only declare himself “unretired” but ask to released from his still-existing contract in order to pursue his options somewhere else.

You told everyone you were retiring, Brett, so the Packers did what they had to do; they picked up the pieces and moved on. Now you expect them to welcome you back with open arms just because you can’t stand to not be chucking a pigskin somewhere? You expect them to just say, “Oh, Brett, we’re so sorry we didn’t twiddle our thumbs long enough this time—please let us make it up to you by releasing you from your contract and letting you sign with someone else without us getting anything in return for having been your employer .”? Sorry, it just doesn’t work that way.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had to deal with the real world before, Brett, but in the real world, if you leave a job and then have a change of heart and want to return to your place of employment after six months, you are not only NOT going to get your original job back, you’ll be lucky to get paid as much as you were before—no matter how talented you are . Business is business—and the Packers have a business to run. They can’t afford to wait for you to decide when you feel like playing football, and they shouldn’t have to. You are the EMPLOYEE, not the EMPLOYER. The only place you call the shots is on the football field—and at the rate you’re going, you’ll be lucky if you’ll be doing that this upcoming season. Your best bet for right now? Say it with me, people…

“SUCK IT UP, BITCH!!!”

And now, here’s Rich with our second honoree…

Thanks, Jade…So, let's say you round up a rally of people to try to reinstate your favorite meathead quarterback. Let's call him "Nails McGee" for the giggles, won't we? And Nails is the toughest SOB ever. You think after 10 years of playing and taking more hits than a heroin junkie, that his team would let him retire. And then, he wants to unretire. What would the team say? Probably what Green Bay is saying to their fans and their "QB." Of course... As a backup.

So, these meatheads (not cheeseheads, because they truly have moved on) named Adam and Erick Rolfson... Well, read here and be amazed at how low we've gotten on the food chain. They're wanting to organize rallies for this. They pulled off the first one last Friday. They planned one for last night. And they're going to plan one for every Sunday at Lambeau until Numbuh Four is back. Wait, did I just say Numbuh Four?!!



Numbuh Four... As in the fucking Aussie brat fuckhead from Kids Next Door. Favre is really a brainscrambled Numbuh Four. It can only explain his half-assed attempt at a hick accent. And we think everyone caught up, Rolfsons. Because only a 130 people total came to your two days of rallies. And of course, most of these meatheads showed up with a "Favre 4 Prez" shirt. Which also gives me the scares. Because as a nation, aren't we dumb enough yet? I mean, Favre, as a president. Sorry, I'm not feeling too good on those UN folks taking my country seriously with a man who's taken more headshots than a character during a CounterStrike multiplayer mission.

So, before I truly blow a gasket and Jade will have to get Jaime to perform mouth to mouth on me, I give the Rolfson Brothers and 128 of their buds the SKIP B, in hopes they can all share it with Brett Lorenzo Favre. Which in essence, that means...

SUCK IT UP, BITCHES!

He's not coming back as a backup... Much less, at all.
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Comments

To answer your question Jade about the 'aren't we dumb enough, yet', no, we aren't. :P We refuse to take a stand against such crap as I Love Money and various other crap shows that continue to pollute our televisions...but I digress.

Taking a page out of Don King's book, I am gonna play the race card in contrasting two individuals. Favre and everyone's favorite malcontent, get your popcorn ready, quicker than a hiccup to defend his QB (cause that's his teammate after all)...Terrell Owens.

Team Obliterator as Skip loves to call him, did something rather courageous a few years back. He came back from an injury that should've killed his season in an attempt to help his team win the Super Bowl. (Which I believe had Donovan McCrap not thrown away in the first quarter and change with three picks, the Iggys probably would have done.) Now, in light of not just his dedication to his team in coming back early and going out there to have the quietest 100 yard game in SB history...
he's called selfish by the media along with every other non-flattering adjective you can use on someone.

Now for all the things you can say about
T.O. and his antics that have been real debilitating to team chemistry and the like...give him this much.

He has never left his team or its fanbase wondering whether he's gonna show up the way Favre has done REPEATEDLY. Hell, the media crucified Chad Johnson for donning a bright HOF blazer all on account of the Bungles blowing last season. But the same media finds it in their hearts to give Brett a pass, for basically holding an entire fanbase (one of the most loyal in America pound for pound) and team hostage.

Oh, can't forget about that QB who's patiently waiting for a field to explode on. (Pardon the 50 Cent pun.) Yeah, poor Aaron Rodgers. Last guy out of the Green Room on Draft Day, last guy to start out of that draft class. Hell, the guy taken five rounds after he was (Derek Anderson) went to Honolulu
last year. What about Aaron? Is it not bad enough he's coming out of a system that has produced more busts than a bra factory (Cal, Tedford Kid, read up sometime.), he has to wonder if the mentor will EVER just STAY AWAY?

Here's my point. If he were black, he'd
be crucified by the media and more or less blackballed until Doomsday. That'd
be it. But because it's everybody's favorite pill popping hick from Southern
Miss, let's cry about how the Pack won't
let him return and how selfish they are for keeping him against his will. It's not like they don't have a responsibility to the guy they drafted to REPLACE HIM AT A LATER DATE to get him out there in live fire to see how he handles it.

*Breathes* Oy. I go now. :P ONLY IN AMERICA!!! :P

Posted by Len at 07/16/08 11:44:08

Y'know Len, if you'd made your point at the beginning of that rant instead of at the end, you would have made a hell of a lot more sense. Besides, I didn't make that comment, Rich did. :p

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