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An open letter to sports media

Dear Media Whores,

Before we jump in, don’t worry. I’ll find someone to read this letter to you, since I know most of you ESPN talking heads and newspaper columnists are actually illiterate. I’m looking at you, Stephen A.

Some observations from last night’s NFL opening game need to be made. There are observations I’ve made quite often and to quite a few people, but I’m not sure I’ve ever mentioned them publicly, so I may as well get it out of the way officially. Some I’m sure I’ve said before in passing, but it’s my website, so deal with it.

The New Orleans Saints sucked before Katrina. The Saints have sucked since 1967. The hurricane did not make them suck any more than they already sucked, so stop pretending that the hurricane was anything more than an inconvenience for most of these players. The hurricane didn’t make them suck extra hard, all it meant was they got to suck in front of different crowds and in new stadiums unused to the black hole of talent that is Aaron Brooks.

So why did the Aints get better in their first year back in New Orleans? Well, for one, they had an easy schedule. Secondly, they ditched Aaron Brooks 3 years after anyone with a brain would have and picked up a real quarterback in Drew Brees, who was able to make Joe Horn a threat to catch the ball, rather than the cell phone guy. This allowed Marques Colston to thrive as their second receiver (which happens to a lot of unheralded rookie wideouts who disappear after one big season, Peerless Price). Deuce McAllister finally got to run without 8 people in the box to stop him, and Reggie Bush… uh, Reggie Bush did a lot of commercials and displayed the sort of flare for catching passes that kept Dave Meggett in the league for many years, without all the rape charges.

As for this year, why did the Saints look so blowful? Well, for one thing, the Colts totally revamped their defense, getting rid of dead weigh burn victims like Joseph Daniel and going with the guys who toughened up the defense in the second half of last season. Secondly, there was nobody around to open up space for Colston and Bush. Thirdly, while Reggie Bush got 12 carries in which to do nothing, their only real running back McAllister got a grand total of 10 carries.

Toss in a defense that managed to get worse in terms of giving up big plays, dueling Hall of Fame wide receivers in Harrison and Wayne, and Peyton Manning being Peyton Manning and you got the inevitable clobbering. The fact that the Colts showed their defense is better than it was at this point last year is just icing on the cake of inevitability.

Reggie Bush is not Bo Jackson. He’s not even Maurice Jones Drew (the real big play threat from last year who has been sadly underreported in the off season as compared to Bush). All Reggie Bush is at this point is a guy who took a pay cut, moved to a worse house, and moved to the crappiest city in America to play professional football (New Orleans the city has managed to suck even longer than New Orleans the football team).

Save the fellation for someone who has earned it, like Brett Favre. He's a gunslinger, you know, who loves the game.


Everyone who couldn't give a rat's ass about the fucking hurricane
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