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An Open Letter to Roger Clemens

Hey there, Mr. Over-priced Egomaniac, do you REALLY want to save the Yankees? Then I’ve got the perfect opportunity for you. After your next minor league appearance on ESPN, get on the phone, call Joe Torre and Brian Cashman and tell them:

“Put me in the bullpen.”

I’m serious, Clemens, because I am telling you right now, there’s no way you’re going to be the Second Coming of Christ in pinstripes as a starter. Even if your arm turns into gold between Scranton and New York, unless you can throw for eight innings (and be real, you haven’t gone past six in the last two years), there’s absolutely no guarantee that any lead you get will be safe.

Just ask Mike Mussina, who got taken out today after 6 1/3 innings. He came out having only given up one earned run in five hits with six strikeouts, with the Yankees leading 2-1. Enter Scott Proctor, who promptly gave up a double, then walked three men in a row to not only bring in the one man Mussina left on base, but add one to give the Angels the lead.

Ask your boy Andy Pettitte, who would have at least two more wins to his credit if the bullpen was even remotely competent. Think how happy he’d be knowing you had his back instead of having to dread the possibility of seeing Joe Torre heading his way and Luis Vizcaino emerging from the bullpen.

Ask Mariano Rivera, who should be on a milk carton, because no one’s seen him in ages.

Yes, this bullpen has seen more than their share of playing time because of injuries to the starters and the lack of said starters to go beyond five or six innings much of the time. However, even when they’ve been rested, they haven’t been reliable. It doesn’t matter which one of them is on the mound, it’s always a coin toss as to how effective they’ll be, and if you think any one of them is going to do any better once you’re in the rotation, think again.

It’s a great opportunity for you. After all, the Yankees have already broken all their rules in getting you, they’re not going to say boo if you decide you want to be a bullpen guy. You can turn yourself into a specialist like Mike Myers, only in your case, you’ll be the guy who pitches only if the Yankees have a lead. If you’re as good as you and that nimrod Steve Phillips think you are, the Yankees will never have a blown lead again and you can ask for another $1M a game for next year. Think of how wonderful and humble ESPN will say you are, making so many sacrifices for the sake of your team. You’ll be guaranteed a daily spot on SportsCenter, as opposed to numerous clips of you in the dugout watching Kyle Farnsworth walk in the tying run, bringing you yet another no-decision. Do you really want that? Somehow, I don’t think you do.

It all comes down to this; would you rather be a frustrated starter, or a bullpen god?

The choice is yours, Roger.
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Comments

Hey Roger,
I'm Ryan Brown from Las Vegas Nevad.I am 10 years old. I am a Left handed pitcher. You are the bomb. Can you ask Joe Torre if I can pitch for the Yanks?

THANKS,
Ryan Brown

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