The Renaissance Shaq
Of course, when one looks at a peerless professional athlete like Shaquille O’Neal, one can only assume that this is the man who should teach our children about fitness. So, wisely, he’s doing just that by launching a six-episode reality TV show where he helps little porky children shed unwanted pounds like the Daddy sheds defenders.
But, as we all know, the birthday boy (a robust and healthy 35 years old today, happy birthday!) can do more than just make portly children run around and not eat so much delicious chocolate-frosted ham. Here are some other things Shaq does when he’s not busy with his basketball.
Below the cut, kids. -teaching Jennifer Lopez to act
-giving rapping lessons to Ron Artest, Kobe Bryant, and Vanilla Ice
-being John Goodman’s personal trainer
-practicing his free-throws with Ben Wallace
-speechwriting convocations with Gary Busey
-passing grooming advice on to Adam Morrison and Ron Jeremy
-acting as Terrell Owens’ therapist
-PR representative for Alex Rodriguez and Tom Cruise
-HGH salesman for Earl Boykins, Nate Robinson, and Verne Troyer
-keeping
-hair care tips for Britney Spears and Donald Trump
-giving fashion advice to Michael Irvin
-planning an intervention concerning Jerry Seinfeld’s irrational love of Superman
-wrapping fellow Heat employees Jason Kapono, Dwayne Wade, Jason Williams, and Pat Riley in bubble wrap to protect them from further injuries
-teaching Daisuke Matsuzaka, Yao Ming, and Bai Ling English
-stand-up comedy instructor for Carrot Top
-financial planner for MC Hammer and the Enron Corporation
-lead software engineer for Microsoft
-ombudsman for ESPN
-giving Cory Lidle flying lessons
-solving the case of the stolen Pink Panther diamond with his partner, Inspector Clouseau
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