Chop out a 21-line salute
Click below for the grandmother of all mixed-race retrospectives from the man who makes Jimmy the Greek look racially sensitive.
Wide knots and extra-short ties
Crazy suits in impossible colors
Cocaine and hooker jokes
Actual cocaine and hookers
Calling Tony Romo an octoroon
The Jesse Jackson phrasebook, such as Tony Romo's "fantabulomous plays"
Tom Jackson calling him a retard on air (which is insulting to all retarded people everywhere, because they can usually dress themselves)
Constantly arguing with Fartin' Mike Ditka
Being consistently and genuinely crazy at all times (but never in a threatening Mike Tyson way, just an entertaining way)
So, Michael, enjoy those hos! You've earned them, and I can't wait to see you on CBS or Fox when the new season starts. Hopefully Fox, since I know they'd let you load your nose up before you go on air, whereas CBS makes you wait until after halftime to do your energy snort. Toot-toot!