An open letter to Michelle Wie
I get it. Really, I do. You want to be the first woman to make the cut at a mens golf event. You want to go someplace where hall of famers like Babe Didrikson Zaharias and Annika Sörenstam could never go at an age where they couldnt even dream about teeing it up with the fellas.
While I appreciate the effort, its time to stop. Really, it was cute and all the first five times you tried and failed, but its time to stop playing the tomboy and start, you know, playing with women. Lets be honest here: Youve never won a goddamn thing in your life. Okay, so you won the 2003 USGA Women's Amateur Public Links. BFD.
Heres my hankie, babe. Youre gonna need this by the time Im done with you.
You know what Tiger Woods was doing at age 16? Slaughtering everyone who stepped in his way in one of many amateur tournaments. He won Junior World Golf Championships four years in a row. He won three U.S. Junior Amateur, three U.S. Amateurs in a row, he won an NCAA title He beat the best people in and around his age bracket consistently from 1984 until he turned pro in 1996.
All youve done, Michelle, is suck up sponsors exemptions on the PGA tour and gotten your ass kicked by the men. Oh yeah, youre also getting your ass kicked by the women, too, including your peers Morgan Pressel and Paula Creamer. If you think you can play with the men, then why arent you dominating the women?
When Annika Sörenstam played with the men, it was after completely dominating the LPGA. She was the best woman golfer in the world, and it was only right that she take on the men. When she couldnt do it, she still played with the boys at meaningless events like the Skins game, where she drove TV ratings and proved that she could compete. If she tries to make another PGA cut, Ill support her wholeheartedly.
However, you, my dear giant Korean, are nothing more than a freak. Theres a one armed guy who can drive the ball 300 yards, too, but you dont see him getting a free pass into John Deere Classic. I know its harsh to say that about someone almost 10 years younger than me, but if youre gonna cash the checks, then you need to win, or youre nothing but Dan OBrien/Dave Johnson level hype.
Dan OBrien and Dave Johnson were two decathletes who Reebok had hyped to the moon in a series of commercials. They were supposed to dominate the Olympics, except Dan completely sucked and Dave managed only a bronze medal after breaking his foot. Gutsy to tough it out like he did, but this is America. You either win the gold medal, or youre a flop.
If you want to prove youre ready for golf, ready to be a figurehead for a million dollar ad campaign, go out there and WIN SOMETHING! Otherwise youre just a lot of sizzle and no steak. Image is nothing, girl, and right now youre absolutely nothing.
With tough love,
Posted 09/15/06 by Ron | Filed under: An Open Letter To...
Epitome of mediocrity: Wie's supporters keep saying that she has potentials; so does my hamster. If there is a sport that celebrates losing, this must be it.
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