The Barbaro Conspiracy Files: Barbaromosexual?
Really, there’s one reason that horse was kept alive this long, and that’s because he was possibly a valuable producer of semen (which if they were smart they would’ve started milking him the day he came out of surgery and started showing a little interest in the poon-tang). He wasn’t even guaranteed to be a good stud, but they let him suffer for over 250 days while they tried every thing they could think of to keep him on at least two of his four legs with a moderate chance of survival.
So, would Barbaro have been a valuable stud? Probably not. I think he was actually gay. That’s right, he was a fruit. How can I so accurately call Barbie out as an ass-mounter? Simple.
Barbaro had the perfect life waiting for him. Nothing to do but eat, romp, and get paid millions of dollars to fuck the hottest horses around. Basically he was going to be a less-hairy, smaller-cocked version of Ron Jeremy. And what does he do? Gives up.
I’m sorry, but if you promise me millions of dollars, the best food money can buy, and a never-ending supply of fresh pussy, I don’t care if you cut off all my limbs and take a lung, I’m going to survive. If I have to use my jaw to crawl through a field of broken glass and used heroin needles, I’m going to do it. Then again, I’m not a matinee idol to hundreds of lonely cat ladies in Middle America. Maybe Big Boss Horse offed himself for a reason.
Or maybe Barbaro wasn’t gay at all, but he was set up. Maybe… just maybe, Barbaro was murdered. But who could possibly have something against Barbaro? I have some ideas, but it’s going to take some top-notch detective work.
Posted 01/29/07 by Ron | Filed under: Horse Racing
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