That's right, children. The hangover last night has probably soured in ESPN's former athlete whore, Jemelelelelelele. Seems she goes from semi-cheapening athlete deaths to pissing on the programs of Ohio State and Florida. To establish I'm going with a 10 point system. Ready. Go!

1. Let's review the "right" way that Meyer and Jim Tressel have done things, shall we?

Tressel's quarterback at Youngstown State received $10,000 and other illegal benefits from a booster.

Rich - Right... Hey, Jemelelelelele. Ron covered that long ago. It's been in our joke lexicon since day one. And let's not get to the Critic, KSK, and Deadspin. Big Daddy Drew over at KSK probably has a million more jokes on his hard drive. Old news, Oprah, Jr.

2. At Ohio State, Maurice Clarett said the program provided players with cars and bogus jobs, which were supposedly fronts to supply easy cash to players.

Rich - You believe Maurice Clarett? Bitch, please. Maurice hasn't said anything correctly unless he's under oath... On trial!

3. Those allegations weren't proven, but Tressel's current star, Troy Smith, was later busted for accepting $500 from a booster.

Rich - Glad you actually read Pat Forde's columns. You should read more from us Southern boys.

The next seven, it's cut time...
Alright, it's time for the rest of the stupidity.

4. Meyer came to Florida with a reputation for being tough and unrelenting. The same coach who, at Bowling Green, set up trash cans around the field and ran his players until they vomited, all of a sudden developed a softer touch at Florida, where job security is a fleeting concept and expectations waver between being completely ridiculous and insane.

Rich - There's a distinct difference between Bowling Green and Florida, ho. Bowling Green is a scrub team at best that needed the tough love. Florida is a talented team that doesn't need to be broken down like you were by most of those "afaletes" you were jocking.

5. The same coach who had 12 players leave his program at Bowling Green because he possessed the bedside manner of Marsellus Wallace reinstated troubled, but talented, defensive tackle Marcus Thomas after two substance-abuse policy violations. Thomas was later dismissed from the program, but Meyer milked all he could from Thomas before booting him.

Rich - That point is fucking moot. Go bitch at the NFL if you want a real fucking tragedy. Start with Romanowski the wife beater to Rae Rae Carruth the retarded pregnant girlfriend killer. Fuck off on him leaving in Thomas. You give kids a chance. He gave him three strikes. As you saw, he was out. Go away.

6. And last year, three Florida players -- including two playing for the national championship -- were involved in an incident in which an AK-47 was fired in an apartment building. They weren't charged, but someone easily could have been killed.

Rich - Innocent until proven guilty, ho bag. Remember that.

7. This isn't meant to cut down either Tressel's or Meyer's accomplishments, or dim the shine on their appearance in the BCS National Championship Game. No one is disputing they're both marvelous coaches who genuinely seem to care about their players and their schools. But if we've learned anything in the last week or so, it's that coaches are prone to making suspect choices just as much as the athletes they govern.

Rich - Much like your stories, Jemelelelelele. See you and the coaches have a lot in common.

8. Today's coaches operate with a little bit of slime. In today's big-time sports climate, they almost don't have a choice.

Rich - That's your fault. You're in the mainstream media. You want them to win at all costs. Quit fucking whining.

9. Nick Saban lied to our faces about his interest in the Alabama job because $40 million was on the table and his coaching reputation was at risk in Miami. Bobby Petrino left Louisville before the ink on his renewed contract could even dry because of $24 million and the NFL. Pete Carroll, one of the most affable coaches in the country, returned USC to prominence, but the cost of that won't be determined until the NCAA completes its investigation of Reggie Bush.

Rich - Read Simmons's article on sugar coating. Come back when you make more sense.

10. Coaches know most fans -- not all, of course -- would gladly suffer through a few years of NCAA probation, scholarship losses and a Maurice Clarett, if it meant getting to where Meyer and Tressel are. Most of you think that's more than a fair trade-off.

Rich - Listen you pretentious whore. A statement like that coming from you, who's no better in the moral chain than Karrine "Superhead" Stevens, has no merit. So you don't make any stupid comments like this, and we won't slam you quite so hard like some of your former interviewees probably did to your asshole.

God, I can't take anymore. I'm going to get a sandwich and a nap now. Anymore of this shit, and I'm bound to kill small creatures for fun...