Alright, folks. I'm on a Percocet trip today. So, I have little to no mercy on the NFL right now. However, I'm up to giving the proper awards to the proper people.

This is James Richard Brown's official start of the NFL Season.

The Week One Studs and Shit will now commence.

The rules are simple, I pick the difference makers and the differerence killers, along with the top teams, and blend them into a post like so.

Read on to the rest, shall we? Rich's NFL Top 5 Studs

1. Larry Allen - Guard, San Francisco. You want a reason why Alex Smith is a little more confident this time around with the Niners. Here's why. He's got the iron lineman of the NFL in his line right now. Allen can play both guard and tackle positions. In Dallas, he did it all. After his unceremonious release, Allen signed with the Niners, and got back to the former glory he once had. Keep an eye out if your defensive line has to go after Smith. Even in loss, he did his job and did it well. Allen is the strongest man in the NFL and he'll prove it.

2. Peyton Manning - Quarterback, Indianapolis. While Peyton is without Edgerrin James, he's not helpless. The General still has Marvin Harrison and his platoon of wideouts. That's scary enough. With the running backs fighting to be his ground force, the Colts are going to be scary. While we won't see them try for the record again, that doesn't mean they're not thinking about the Super Bowl. Try and blitz, he'll burn you. Try and shut him down, and he'll shove it down your throat. Just ask little brother.

3. Julius Jones - Halfback, Dallas. Yes, that's right. He's the halfback. In Tuna's new system, he's going with two tight ends. Which means, Julius gets the role of the running back and the fullback all in one. Even though the Cowboys lost this week, it wasn't by any half-assed efforts. This man got the first TD of the game, and he caught as many as he ran. With him, T.O. and Glenn, don't get too surprised if we see them light up Washington and Tennessee the next two games.

4. D'Brickashaw Ferguson - Left Tackle, New York AFC. The Brick showed this week why he was drafted so high. Although undersized, he shows his martial arts roots by using the tools of flexibility and manipulation. This man proves that you don't have to be a complete beast to be a tackle. He made sure that Chad Pennington had enough time to get it done. Possible Rookie of the Year and Pro Bowler. The scary part, he's not even close to his prime.

5. Shawne Merriman - Defensive End/Inside Linebacker, San Diego. Lights Out is an enigma. A man filled with rage off the field, but a chill guy off the field. Since his rookie season, he's become something that most people didn't expect, really. He's an NFL fan favorite and the heart and soul of the San Diego Defense. Right now, he's shutting down the Oakland D. However, this is very commonplace for him. Again, like D'Brickashaw, he's not even at his prime either.

Stud Team for This Week:

Seattle Seahawks Defense - Anyone who holds the potentially explosive offense of Detroit to almost nothing, forcing them to kick it all game, demands and deserves respect. Why? That means dominance. Seattle didn't score much better as they won 9 to 6. The defense was the backbone of this game. The O for Seattle better step it up, or the D will make them step up, the hard way.

Rich's Bottom 5 NFL Bag of Shit.

1. Drew Bledsoe - Quarterback, Dallas. While Julius did the good of the game along with the receiving corps, Drew managed to lose the game as fast as his teammates tried to save it. Three Interceptions are unacceptable, period. Three interceptions with two touchdown drives from said interceptions, that means bench time for anyone else. If I were Drew, I'd get in the tape room with Tuna. Why? Romo's behind you, and he's ready.

2. Kerry Collins / Vince Young - Quarterback, Tennessee. What do you get when you start a boozer off and then get your blue chip rookie to try and finish off what the boozer screwed up. You get what happened to the Titans this week. Collins made the passes except when it counted. With a chance to score with Bo Scaife, Kerry missed a short pass which would have brought them back. Vince's series, however, wasn't much better, as he ended up getting pounded mercilessly. If I were Fisher, I'd hope that Volek wasn't on the phone with Rosenhaus. You might need him now.

3. Deion Branch - Wide Reciever, New England/Seattle (as of press time). This isn't so much on the field as it is off the field. Holdouts are always fun in the NFL. Stupid holdouts are just fucking annoying. Branch was holding out because he thought he could milk more money from one of the more team oriented offices in the NFL. All he got was shipped to Seattle. Get used to not catching a ball. Hasselbeck needs a line to get a pass to you, cunt.

4. Mike Vanderjagt - Kicker, Dallas. Vanderjagtass proved something to Dallas this week. Other than the fact that he's injury prone, he's also all talk. While being the most accurate kicker in the NFL, he's also the most arrogant son of a bitch alive. He pretty much pussed out of the game at the warmup. This left Sean Suisham to go to the wolves. To which the kid didn't get all of them, but he proved to be something that Vanderjagtass isn't. A man. Man up, Mike, before Dallas calls for your head. Just because you did this in Indy, it doesn't fly Deep in the Heart of Texas.

5. Mario Williams - Defensive End. Houston. There's a reason why Houston fans are apathetic towards their teams. All of them make the crappiest decisions ever. Not to doubt Mario's skills, but let's face it. When you need an offensive line and offense period, you don't draft a defensive end who's undersized. Mario showed it as he didn't even get close to the QB as often as required. He'll get better, really. When he leaves Houston for free agency.

Shit Team of the Week:

Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Name one thing that Baltimore did right other than not letting Steve "Absolut" McNair go deep or passing on the run? I can tell you, they chumped Alstott and Cadillac like they were nothing. Much like what the Chargers did to the Raiders, the Ravens embarrassed the Bucs in the one true way to do so. Shutdown style. For Jon "Chucky" Gruden, you might want to show why they call you the SOB of the NFL. You might've won a ring with Tampa Bay, but your team is going back to the old shitty Bucs. My advice, gassers until they stop sucking.