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Why Page 2 is going straight to hell faster than Scoop can take it.

If everybody has paid attention to Page 2 of the ESPeeeiN, (Copyright to the Critic.) you've probably seen the coming of the Black Female Antichrist (if you're a Deadspinner) or something of that sort. However, I'm not going that far with Jemelelelelelen (or however the fuck you're supposed to spell this cunt's name).

And for your race card, Ms. Hill, I'm the following: I'm a gun-toting, Army brat, meat-eating, soft-spoken in public, college-educated Mexican-American raised by a White father and a Mexican mother. Be sure to get all that down on a note card nice and neat after you're done giving Scoop Jackson that hummer. Of all the times for Harold Reynolds to get fired after a fucking hug, the 'tards at Bristol hire this hack.

I realize that a lot of you stopped going to the Bristol Sports Special Educational Writers Base of Operations because you figured our bullshit was a lot more tolerable. I'll give Deadspin credit where credit due, at least their bullshit tries to be funny, even if it's owned by the same fuckers who own the more tolerable jacking-off site called Fleshbot.

And the always lovely Jaime Sue touched on what pissed her off about the Dickhead Frat Squad. Now it's my turn.
Now you want an example of why Jemelelelele gets me pissed the fuck off? Take a look at her archives. And let's go in order, shall we?

Her stance on NASCAR and it's fighting. I have this to say; of course it's still acceptable for NASCAR hicks to fight! It's funny, dumbass. Anytime two whiteys get into a brawl, I get the popcorn and fucking laugh.

And her parting shot: Nowadays, drivers just crash into one another if they don't like each other -- a much better alternative. Do you like having NASCAR fans showing up at your house with gasoline and wooden crosses or something? Don't mention crashing as an alternative. Hell, most of them will think you're making fun of Big Earnhardt's death and will shoot your dumb ass. NASCAR gets more per capita from ticket sales than the NFL, NBA, MLB, and the NHL. Most NASCAR losers get paid more annually than your boys on the fucking Magic. And yes, if Anthony Reddick did so that helmet-swinging shit at Daytona, he would be one of the boys. Because rubbing and fighting is FUCKING RACING!

I bet you cringed talking to a white golfer, too. Tiger is in a league of his own, sweetheart. The reason the Americans suck at golf right now? We have nobody except Tiger. Tiger crushes hope. Next victim, please! As far as the whole problem of players in all sports losing fundamentals, it's dumbass reporters like you (and your network) who encourage the showboating, the bojangling, and the fucking nonsense bullshit that we see on TV today. Take the hit!

And then she's quick to dismiss our first Badass Award Winner. Hey, Jemelelelelelele. I'll give you a hint on why your prediction is dead wrong... y'know about as dead as Simms almost was. Tampa Bay has no offensive fucking line. That's why even if you put Doug Fucking Flutie in Tampa, he'd get murdered. And Flutie is Captain Comeback, dammit!

So that brings us to Page 2...

If I wanted a read a questionare on how much of a chance that I'd have of pulling you by your braids and dumping the biggest Latino Heat load I could on your face, I'd go to Match dot com. However, I'm reading ESPeeeiN. Let's not get confused, alright. We have straightened that out for all of those at home now offended. To which I say, fuck you.

All we want, Jemele, is for you to be smarter than you were at the Orlando Sentinel. Can you do that? If you can't, you should see what Ron's got planned for you. Of course, that's right after John Kruk and Mark Schlereth give you that All Pro Bitch Sandwich. That's right, baby. The Capital H. Be sure to give HR a hug when you do get to see him.

And they fired Whitlock for being offensive, those fucking morons...
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Excellent take on the Jemel Hill hiring. And thanks for trademark link...I'm sending it off to the trademark office in DC. Okay...maybe not.

Posted by The Critic at 11/17/06 08:33:11

Are we sure she's not Pooper-Scoop Jackson in drag? I mean, she did steal his gimmick and all...

Posted by Ron at 11/17/06 10:54:10

Another sign Page 2 is going to hell: it's 2:00 and we still haven't had our noon-ish daily update for Friday! It's like they WANT me to work or something!

Posted by Ron at 11/17/06 14:06:58

You work? When the fuck did this happen?!!

Posted by Rich at 11/17/06 14:15:44

When the Republicans took over, I had to go to work. Now that the Democrats are back in control of the government, bring on the free money!

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