An Open Letter to Reggie Bush
Did you have a motorcycle wreck you're not telling anyone about, or are you just a fucking retard?
I ask this question in all seriousness after watching your abysmal performance on Sunday. Now, I understand you’re playing the Ravens, so your 5 carries for 16 yards and 4 catches for 5 yards are almost excusable, but what isn’t excusable is your attempt to throw the ball through two Baltimore Ravens into the hands of a streaking wide receiver on a halfback option.
Listen, I know in college everyone sucked your dick, especially the white women. I know everyone said you could do no wrong, you’d be the best thing since ape steroids in the NFL, and that you were the greatest running back in USC history. That kind of thing can go to your head, I understand that.
But seriously, calling you and that throw you made retarded is an insult to the mentally challenged everywhere, because your average person with a mild mental disability knows in a situation in which there are two guys covering your only option to throw to, you throw the ball away. You don’t fucking play catch with two All-Pro Baltimore Ravens, especially if those two Ravens are Chris McAllister and Ray Lewis. Granted, Ray is only half as good as he thinks he is, and ¾ as good as everyone says he is, but he’s still one of the top mike linebackers in the league.
Chris McAllister, for what it’s worth, is better than everyone says he is.
Hopefully, you’ve learned your lesson. Hopefully, you haven’t taken so many shots to the head like some quarterbacks for the Pittsburgh Steelers who I shan’t name, that you can actually not only learn from this lesson, but remember what you’ve learned for longer than five minutes and still remember how to chew.
I mean, I haven’t seen you throwing any dumbassed laterals lately, so maybe there’s still hope...
Best Wishes,
Ron.
PS: Hold the football with both hands. It’s not a loaf of bread, shit-for-brains. Hold it like you’d hold Matt Leinart’s bastard child.
PPS: On second thought, you’d better not hold Matt Leinart’s kid. That baby’s done nothing to me, so I don’t want to see the poor little fetus dropped on its head or worse, thrown to Ray Lewis.
Posted 10/31/06 by Ron | Filed under: An Open Letter To...
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