Mi-Mi-Mi-Miami World Order! 4 Life. (The Decision Wrap Up)
Call me Lenny "The Brain" Heenan, because I told y'all this day was coming. Oh, wait, let me go back.
For the first time in the history of my writing on this site, I'm going to write a column and intersplice two things that really are like oil and water. Namely wrestling and basketball. Yes, I'm going to pull it off and here's how. Wrestling fans, remember July 1996? Bash At The Beach? Yeah, y'all know where I'm going with this.
Time: Thursday Night, July 8th, 9 PM EST.
Location: Somewhere in Greenwich, Connecticut
Occasion: LeBron James announcing his decision to play ??? for the 2010-2011 season and beyond.
I'm done with the letters and honestly, I think I'm just about done with all of this. Because apparently now, what LeBron said post Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals is set to come to fruition. Oh and I've got news for ya Cleveland, I don't think this story ends well for you at all. I've quietly held the notion that in horror flicks, if you show tits and you're a female, you're pretty much a done deal. For the last three weeks or so, New York, New Jersey, Chicago, Miami, Cleveland and the Clips have shown their "tits" to LeBron and his corporate crew. Tomorrow night, a little after 9 PM EST, we're going to witness five teams get gutted in unceremonious fashion. Oh, did I forget to mention the guarantee that LeBron's going to win at least three titles within the next five years or so? No?
Yeah, I realize this is the second letter I've written in a little under a week, but I needed to get this off my chest. I've been writing for SportsBastards for about three years now, primarily on basketball because it's my love. I've been a basketball junkie since before you were a twinkle in your parents' eyes. You stand probably 48 hours or so away from making a decision that probably will for all intents and purposes impact the prime of your career. Allow me to break down for you exactly what this entails as it pertains to yourself and your legacy in retrospect...
These are the years in which you will physically, be at your absolute best. You'll be stronger, faster, better...to steal a pun from The Six Million Dollar Man or something. Do you really want to do it in Cleveland? Now, I've had a chance to glean from all that you've seen and heard, as well as what I feel they really said or showed you. So let me sort through it all for ya, because time's ticking...